Haunted Mansion
A mansion haunted by ghosts.2 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I actually wish this piece was a much longer one. It feels sort of unfinished in a way. Yep, it's bare bones due to the flash and word count nature but the story could do with more.
The telling of the tale is quite matter-of-factly so it's hard to inject tension and terror into a strip-backed story but ti could sure do with some more.
The Gorman family screams and cries in horror. they are doomed. - They should be capitalised here.
An Elderly female ghost appears, - no need to capitalise Elderly here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Hi there,
I actually wish this piece was a much longer one. It feels sort of unfinished in a way. Yep, it's bare bones due to the flash and word count nature but the story could do with more.
The telling of the tale is quite matter-of-factly so it's hard to inject tension and terror into a strip-backed story but ti could sure do with some more.
The Gorman family screams and cries in horror. they are doomed. - They should be capitalised here.
An Elderly female ghost appears, - no need to capitalise Elderly here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Thank you! I have fixed the mistake. Is it good enough for five stars now? Please help!
Comment from rspoet
You've written an interesting ghost story that is either sad or happy depending on ones point of view. Sad because they all died, happy because they were transported into the painting and are all smiling.
I'd stay away from that haunted house if it were me.
Good story.
Best wishes in the contest.
Robert
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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You've written an interesting ghost story that is either sad or happy depending on ones point of view. Sad because they all died, happy because they were transported into the painting and are all smiling.
I'd stay away from that haunted house if it were me.
Good story.
Best wishes in the contest.
Robert
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Thank you!
