Mark and Janet
Janet's Breast Cancer15 total reviews
Comment from Anne Johnston
Great entry for this contest. It is well written. So sad when a young mother is taken from her family like this. But this story shows the love and support that the family gave her through her time of trouble.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
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Great entry for this contest. It is well written. So sad when a young mother is taken from her family like this. But this story shows the love and support that the family gave her through her time of trouble.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
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Thanks, the contest is over.
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You are welcome
Comment from royowen
Although this is fiction, and very well written, unfortunately there's few of us that hasn't been touched by the tragedy that this horrid malady has caused grieving families and friends, I lost my own brother to it I'm afraid and numerous friends. Beautifully written, emotively brilliant, excellent entry, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo .: He(, an) aunt...
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Although this is fiction, and very well written, unfortunately there's few of us that hasn't been touched by the tragedy that this horrid malady has caused grieving families and friends, I lost my own brother to it I'm afraid and numerous friends. Beautifully written, emotively brilliant, excellent entry, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo .: He(, an) aunt...
Comment Written 03-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thanks.
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Welcome
Comment from Bill Schott
Mark and Janet is a story which starts on a high, creating characters the reader will like, before slowly spiraling into the sad reality of terminal breast cancer.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Mark and Janet is a story which starts on a high, creating characters the reader will like, before slowly spiraling into the sad reality of terminal breast cancer.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thanks.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a sad story of a couple that only had a short time to be happy. It wouldn't surpriste me if you based this story on people you have known, because so many times things like this happen for real, and we wonder why.
You had a long life let to live (left to live)
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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This is a sad story of a couple that only had a short time to be happy. It wouldn't surpriste me if you based this story on people you have known, because so many times things like this happen for real, and we wonder why.
You had a long life let to live (left to live)
Comment Written 03-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thanks. I made up the story.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This entry for the Death of Lover or Spouse is truly sad.
The story is clear and well told.
Well done and I with you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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This entry for the Death of Lover or Spouse is truly sad.
The story is clear and well told.
Well done and I with you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thanks
Comment from Jill McCauslin
Such a sad story but what a wonderful love story too. Mark and Janet created a lovely family. I'm sorry that Janet lost her battle with cancer. This was a very moving piece.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Such a sad story but what a wonderful love story too. Mark and Janet created a lovely family. I'm sorry that Janet lost her battle with cancer. This was a very moving piece.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Thanks.
Comment from J.R. Michael
What a sad tale that ultimately ends in hope. You were able to paint a picture of a beautiful life they had together. Maybe you could add how Mark reacted to the cancer news so the reader can connect to that.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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What a sad tale that ultimately ends in hope. You were able to paint a picture of a beautiful life they had together. Maybe you could add how Mark reacted to the cancer news so the reader can connect to that.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Ok thanks.
Comment from Wendy G
This is a beautiful but sad story. You have written it well and composed it so well. It is very emotional, and her promises make beautiful memories and comfort for her children. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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This is a beautiful but sad story. You have written it well and composed it so well. It is very emotional, and her promises make beautiful memories and comfort for her children. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a very sad story. The poem shares the emotion of the dying woman. It's beautiful. But the rest of the story is told only in facts. The feelings aren't there. Find a way to show them rather than tell them. Dialogue is a good way to do that, and imagery. I hope this is helpful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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This is a very sad story. The poem shares the emotion of the dying woman. It's beautiful. But the rest of the story is told only in facts. The feelings aren't there. Find a way to show them rather than tell them. Dialogue is a good way to do that, and imagery. I hope this is helpful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Thanks. I am not feeling well. Can you give me suggestions on the dialogue?
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I'm sorry that you are not feeling well. I'm hoping that this isn't your own true story, not yet complete.
I've been trying to think how I can help you with this story through just this small space for words. One suggestion for using dialogue might be when the diagnosis from the doctor is learned. Was there a phone call? If so, set it up and use dialogue (quoting what was said) to show how it went. Dialogue between wife and husband, mother and children would also make the story feel more real. I hope this helps.
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Yes
Comment from Mary Shifman
What a beautiful but sad story. It seems that Janet did her best to prepare her family for her inevitable departure, and it sounds like she did a good job since they were able to think of her with love. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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What a beautiful but sad story. It seems that Janet did her best to prepare her family for her inevitable departure, and it sounds like she did a good job since they were able to think of her with love. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Thanks.
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You are quite welcome.
