Surfs up part two: THE KNOT
All tied up in knots.15 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Wow, now I just wish I had read "Surfs Up" before this part 2, "Knot." One person can make a difference, the right person saying the right things. Thanks for sharing your outstanding story and best of luck in the contest! I wish I had a six.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
  |
Wow, now I just wish I had read "Surfs Up" before this part 2, "Knot." One person can make a difference, the right person saying the right things. Thanks for sharing your outstanding story and best of luck in the contest! I wish I had a six.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
-
Ric - Thank you so much for the review. I am glad the subtlety of the prose was noticed. I try not to just paint word pictures but instead to reveal the condition of the characters soul and angst of the heart. Thanks again!
-
You certainly did all of those things and more with this outstanding written story! I look forward to read more of your work.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Compelling and thought-provoking--intense interaction is gripping and rings true--the imagery of the pelican struggling is stunning. Graphic "spaghetti" suicide. Fine work.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
|
Compelling and thought-provoking--intense interaction is gripping and rings true--the imagery of the pelican struggling is stunning. Graphic "spaghetti" suicide. Fine work.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
-
Thank you, Elizabeth. Thank you so much for your review. I am glad the subtlety of the prose was noticed. I try not to just paint word pictures but instead reveal the condition of the characters soul and angst of the heart. Thanks again!
Comment from Lana Marie
Wow! This is really good! Very intense as so many veterans hold onto the pain they experienced while serving their time. So many unseen wounds with the naked eye. Your dialogue between Mike Boat Mike and Jesus brought the reader (me) into both of their feelings and emotions throughout the whole counseling session! You had me from the beginning until the end!
The only thing that was difficult was the cursive writing at the beginning because I'm reading it on my small iPhone. So I'm sure in the computer or in a book it would read a lot easier. I had to keep straining my eyes in enlarge mean my screen to be able to see in the writing. But overall everything was excellent in my mind.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
 |
Wow! This is really good! Very intense as so many veterans hold onto the pain they experienced while serving their time. So many unseen wounds with the naked eye. Your dialogue between Mike Boat Mike and Jesus brought the reader (me) into both of their feelings and emotions throughout the whole counseling session! You had me from the beginning until the end!
The only thing that was difficult was the cursive writing at the beginning because I'm reading it on my small iPhone. So I'm sure in the computer or in a book it would read a lot easier. I had to keep straining my eyes in enlarge mean my screen to be able to see in the writing. But overall everything was excellent in my mind.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
-
Lana - Thank you so much for your review. I am glad the subtlety of the prose was noticed. I try not to just paint word pictures but instead reveal the condition of the characters soul and angst of the heart. Thanks again!
Comment from Allezw2
Master Yardier,
Another think piece.
Being an MR in the Amphibs aboard a twelve-year old antique LSD, I learned about LCVPs (VPs), LCPRs (PRs-Our captain's gig), LCMs (Mike Boat), and LSMs in short order. I also learned how to tie a monkey's fist and remembered tales of Alexander and his solution to the Gordian Knot. His was not the most intellectual solution but certainly saved time.
When's the last time you challenged the modern version, a Rubik's Cube?
On one of our class field trips, a VA doctor recounted a catatonic patient that months later filed a complaint against his care givers who bemoaned his uncooperative state. They cavailed about the extra work required to care for his needs. Amazingly, on the day he regained lucidity he called out the names, dates and times of the occurrences. He explained that his condition was caused by the war between good and evil taking place in his body. He was terrified that any movement on his part might tip the conflict in favor of evil.
For this detailed exposition, no more than earned, no less than deserved.
Fantasist
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
|
Master Yardier,
Another think piece.
Being an MR in the Amphibs aboard a twelve-year old antique LSD, I learned about LCVPs (VPs), LCPRs (PRs-Our captain's gig), LCMs (Mike Boat), and LSMs in short order. I also learned how to tie a monkey's fist and remembered tales of Alexander and his solution to the Gordian Knot. His was not the most intellectual solution but certainly saved time.
When's the last time you challenged the modern version, a Rubik's Cube?
On one of our class field trips, a VA doctor recounted a catatonic patient that months later filed a complaint against his care givers who bemoaned his uncooperative state. They cavailed about the extra work required to care for his needs. Amazingly, on the day he regained lucidity he called out the names, dates and times of the occurrences. He explained that his condition was caused by the war between good and evil taking place in his body. He was terrified that any movement on his part might tip the conflict in favor of evil.
For this detailed exposition, no more than earned, no less than deserved.
Fantasist
Comment Written 28-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
-
Thank you so much, my friend. Speaking of 'Master', you are the only one who caught the nuance of Gordian's knot as the middle name of a counselor. As for Rubik's Cube... I will give it a thought. Thanks for nudge.
-
You are quite welcome.
Hemmingway and H. Beam Piper once remarked about the deeper meanings a chosen phrase or reference could have.
Fantasist
Comment from J.R. Michael
I must admit I was a little worried when I saw that you wrote a follow up because I thought the first one ended so well. I'm glad to say that my worries were unfounded as this is a well thought out and heartfelt sequel. To have it far removed from the time and place of Nam was so smart. You intelligently and creatively displayed that the horrors of war don't stop when the soldier comes home. I really enjoyed the character of Jesus. He was very believable and, having been a counselor myself (many moons past), he said the truthful things that broke Mike's harden waxy shell. His retorts were sharp, stinging and relatable. "It was already broken" and "It can help a dead man walking" were two lines that pierced my heart and my brain. Beautifully written.
Only minor suggestion I have is at a few times (during the free flowing writing and before Mike comes to accept the help), it can feel a bit repetitive. Sometimes when a point was made it comes back later in a different way. It felt like you didn't trust that you made the point clear enough earlier.
Besides that, it was well written. Throughout the piece the symbolism was smartly placed and illustrated to the reader the complex issues in a more easily digestible form. Well done and thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
|
I must admit I was a little worried when I saw that you wrote a follow up because I thought the first one ended so well. I'm glad to say that my worries were unfounded as this is a well thought out and heartfelt sequel. To have it far removed from the time and place of Nam was so smart. You intelligently and creatively displayed that the horrors of war don't stop when the soldier comes home. I really enjoyed the character of Jesus. He was very believable and, having been a counselor myself (many moons past), he said the truthful things that broke Mike's harden waxy shell. His retorts were sharp, stinging and relatable. "It was already broken" and "It can help a dead man walking" were two lines that pierced my heart and my brain. Beautifully written.
Only minor suggestion I have is at a few times (during the free flowing writing and before Mike comes to accept the help), it can feel a bit repetitive. Sometimes when a point was made it comes back later in a different way. It felt like you didn't trust that you made the point clear enough earlier.
Besides that, it was well written. Throughout the piece the symbolism was smartly placed and illustrated to the reader the complex issues in a more easily digestible form. Well done and thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 28-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
-
J.R. - Thank you so much for your review, it is very much respected. Your having been a counselor adds even more to the legitimacy of your constructive criticism.
I am grateful.
I'm also pleased the subtlety of the prose was noticed. I try not to just paint word pictures but instead reveal the condition of the characters soul and angst of the heart.
Thank you once again.
Comment from irishauthorme
Had to give this a six. This story has real parallels in real life. Would like your background, being able to get inside and write Mike Boat Mike's story. Have some friends, buddies actually that were wounded in Vietnam and still have the bad dreams, jerk reactions, all that shit. They see a counselor occasionally, not as often as they should and one, Don, has three plates in his head and goes way off the deep end sometimes.
Hopefully the VA is doing a better job taking care of Vets, they have been grossly incompetent for many years.
Spent some time on the 'City of Hope' hospital ship on the Mekong Delta because of a strange infection they never identified but cured and talked to some of the counselors, maybe one sincere out of ten.
Very good work,
irish
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
|
Had to give this a six. This story has real parallels in real life. Would like your background, being able to get inside and write Mike Boat Mike's story. Have some friends, buddies actually that were wounded in Vietnam and still have the bad dreams, jerk reactions, all that shit. They see a counselor occasionally, not as often as they should and one, Don, has three plates in his head and goes way off the deep end sometimes.
Hopefully the VA is doing a better job taking care of Vets, they have been grossly incompetent for many years.
Spent some time on the 'City of Hope' hospital ship on the Mekong Delta because of a strange infection they never identified but cured and talked to some of the counselors, maybe one sincere out of ten.
Very good work,
irish
Comment Written 28-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
-
Thank you Irish, for your review. I am glad the subtlety of the prose was noticed. I try not to just paint word pictures but instead reveal the condition of the characters soul and angst of the heart. Having you verify and legitimize the 'counselor' issue has been a real boost for me. Thank you for taking the time to review my work.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You are an excellent writer. Mike's encounter with Jesus is textbook perfect when it's an excellent counselor. I totally enjoyed this and was amazed you edited it perfectly. I always have a few errors.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
|
You are an excellent writer. Mike's encounter with Jesus is textbook perfect when it's an excellent counselor. I totally enjoyed this and was amazed you edited it perfectly. I always have a few errors.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
-
Thank you so much, Carol. It does my heart good when the hard work of 'Word Smithing' is recognized. I look forward to your continued scrutiny. All the best.
-
Thank you so much, Carol. It does my heart good when the hard work of 'Word Smithing' is recognized. I look forward to your continued scrutiny. All the best.
Comment from Midi O'Rourke
You did a wonderful job. Mike Boat Mikes character was well preserved. Not easy. Throughout the story his response to his injuries and knots are consistent with the Mike Boat Mike in Surf's Up. The conversation with the therapist is insighfuI. I have one suggestion - you describe his face as keloided. I don't think most readers know what that is. Obviously, his face has exceptionally ugly scars. It is my understanding that not all scars keloid. I like the imagery of the therapists family picture of happier time shatter into little pieces - and the way MBM looks at him while they are being picked up. I love your description of the picture - looking through 1949 eyes. One last thing...this paragraph is very well written and essential to the illustrating his newly found depth. Oh, I also like the phrase drought stricken shrub. Excellent job.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2021
|
You did a wonderful job. Mike Boat Mikes character was well preserved. Not easy. Throughout the story his response to his injuries and knots are consistent with the Mike Boat Mike in Surf's Up. The conversation with the therapist is insighfuI. I have one suggestion - you describe his face as keloided. I don't think most readers know what that is. Obviously, his face has exceptionally ugly scars. It is my understanding that not all scars keloid. I like the imagery of the therapists family picture of happier time shatter into little pieces - and the way MBM looks at him while they are being picked up. I love your description of the picture - looking through 1949 eyes. One last thing...this paragraph is very well written and essential to the illustrating his newly found depth. Oh, I also like the phrase drought stricken shrub. Excellent job.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2021
-
Thank you Midi. I will keep striking iron.
Comment from Sanku
Those coming back from Vietnam had t go through terrible self conflict-this I have read .What Mike had written is ver unsettling .He has bared his soul .knots is so significant.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2021
|
Those coming back from Vietnam had t go through terrible self conflict-this I have read .What Mike had written is ver unsettling .He has bared his soul .knots is so significant.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2021
-
Thank you Sanku for your understanding and review. Godbless.
Comment from amahra
It's heartbreaking that you guys, (Nam Viets) had to deal with so much coming back from that war. This was a very heartfelt writing. My brother-in-law was never the same when he returned.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
|
It's heartbreaking that you guys, (Nam Viets) had to deal with so much coming back from that war. This was a very heartfelt writing. My brother-in-law was never the same when he returned.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
-
Thank you Amahra. My thoughts and prayers go out to your brother- in-law.
