Kelleys Island
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Cici Learns About Dillan's GF"a love story
3 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Another good chapter, Aiona. Of course I'm wondering about Dillan's dead girlfriend. Em didn't say she wouldn't tell Cici more... only that she had to pee. And yet judging from the narrative and thought processes afterwards, Cici didn't seem to wonder about it. I thought that was odd.
Mom's not the best at keeping this place running, obvs. [Is obvs some kind of text code? Is it spoken as one syllable or as individual letter sounds? Either way, is the reader supposed to know. Am I showing how unhip I am? Am I showing it by using "unhip"? Oh, my!]
Cici's senses were assaulted by a powerful stench.[Oh-oh, looks like Cici hit a gas line. A good thing she didn't have a cigarette dangling from her lips.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Another good chapter, Aiona. Of course I'm wondering about Dillan's dead girlfriend. Em didn't say she wouldn't tell Cici more... only that she had to pee. And yet judging from the narrative and thought processes afterwards, Cici didn't seem to wonder about it. I thought that was odd.
Mom's not the best at keeping this place running, obvs. [Is obvs some kind of text code? Is it spoken as one syllable or as individual letter sounds? Either way, is the reader supposed to know. Am I showing how unhip I am? Am I showing it by using "unhip"? Oh, my!]
Cici's senses were assaulted by a powerful stench.[Oh-oh, looks like Cici hit a gas line. A good thing she didn't have a cigarette dangling from her lips.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Yeah, "obvs" is an abbreviation of "obviously." People have been using it a lot, and it grates on my ears about as much as "Oh Em Gee" did when I first heard someone actually SAY it. OMG as you know is the text abbreviation of "oh my God" but I have heard people actually SAY "Oh Emm Gee." LOL! Oh!!! I even heard one of my classmates (20-something guy) say "ELL OH ELL" when he found something funny! Crazy huh? Instead of just ... you know LAUGHING OUT LOUD. He said, "ell oh ell." What is the world coming to?
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Oh, and good point about Cici not pressing the issue when Em didn't pick up after she left off.
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So is it ever pronouced: "Obvs"? Or spelled out, by initial. O-B-V-S? I'm just curious now.
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I've only ever heard it pronounced "obvs," but just wait. In a few years, someone's gonna say "Oh bee vee ess!"
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LOL ;)
Comment from lyenochka
Oh no! What is broken now? She didn't call to switch her phone service so I wonder who might show up next.
Glad she got her bio break and even more information about Dillan.
Good job in creating suspense within small chunks of prose to fit Fanstory reading allotments.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Oh no! What is broken now? She didn't call to switch her phone service so I wonder who might show up next.
Glad she got her bio break and even more information about Dillan.
Good job in creating suspense within small chunks of prose to fit Fanstory reading allotments.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Yeah, I wish she'd switched to T-Mobile while she was on the mainland. But I guess she'll be okay.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting snippet. The dialogue was believable. The narrative moved along at a good pace. The tone seems to fit the subject.
I have no suggestions.
Thank you for sharing. Good read.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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An interesting snippet. The dialogue was believable. The narrative moved along at a good pace. The tone seems to fit the subject.
I have no suggestions.
Thank you for sharing. Good read.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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Thanks for the review, dellsworthpoet.
