Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 30"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
18 total reviews
Comment from Carol Clark2
This is a great narrative section about the fire, then some good dialogue that moves the story forward. Poor Liz seems so unaware of the dangers lurking around her. Loving your book! Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
  |
This is a great narrative section about the fire, then some good dialogue that moves the story forward. Poor Liz seems so unaware of the dangers lurking around her. Loving your book! Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
-
Liz was living a pampered life and now without Jack to shield her and Allie there every moment, she is overwhelmed. Good thing she has friends. I wonder how her reaction will be to Mary and Faith.
Smiles, Carol
-
I'm wondering, too! LOL! Smiles back.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, now this is the way to start my Sunday off with a spark and a sizzle. And it has me looking around for a mouse who doesn't want just cheese. Thanks for sharing. :-) Stay in and keep cool!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
 |
Well, now this is the way to start my Sunday off with a spark and a sizzle. And it has me looking around for a mouse who doesn't want just cheese. Thanks for sharing. :-) Stay in and keep cool!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
-
I think I have about caught up... at least I am on Sunday now. I am almost finished another chapter and then the real storms begin, but I refused to post before I caught up on my reviews and messages.
I have seen your face numerous times today and have smiled at you each time so you are way behind....LOL
Hope you are okay and have a great day. Smiles and hugs!!! Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
Interesting for sure, Carol! I find it difficult to believe that Liz has become so trusting and naïve after all that has happened and it infuriates me. She's so fortunate that there were others in the house with their wits about them, who saved her from herself. I'm not surprised that Cynthia has fallen for Mason though. Good job. :)
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
|
Interesting for sure, Carol! I find it difficult to believe that Liz has become so trusting and naïve after all that has happened and it infuriates me. She's so fortunate that there were others in the house with their wits about them, who saved her from herself. I'm not surprised that Cynthia has fallen for Mason though. Good job. :)
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
-
Liz lived a pampered life and now she is overwhelmed by everything that has happened to her, to the winery, to her friends. She isn't thinking to straight. Thanks so much for the review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I thought Cynthia and Mason were working together and it seems they are. This is getting extremely complicated, but I can see how it's all working out. Good job.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
|
I thought Cynthia and Mason were working together and it seems they are. This is getting extremely complicated, but I can see how it's all working out. Good job.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
-
|A string of tornadoes are about to blow in and really stir the pot. Buckle up and watch them come. Hold on to your popcorn though. and please don't yell at me too loud...
Smiles, Carol
-
I'll try not too. LOL
Comment from BethShelby
It seems like Mason had something do with the fire. I didn't realize that he and Cynthia were conspiring together. I glad to fire didn't do much damage.
I was wondering if you meant to the to be Mason instead of Migual.
Miguel's sympathetic voice calmed her.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
|
It seems like Mason had something do with the fire. I didn't realize that he and Cynthia were conspiring together. I glad to fire didn't do much damage.
I was wondering if you meant to the to be Mason instead of Migual.
Miguel's sympathetic voice calmed her.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
-
He might have been a distraction...one can wonder about that, can't we? And I fixed my goof!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
Excellent chapter. You are starting to feed us a little more narrative. I'm really learning to respect Emmy, but am beginning to think that Liz is not only fragile, but incredibly naive. At least she has a cadre of protectors, even if they have trouble protecting her from herself. :-) You are doing more to show us, and are doing much better at not relying on present participles. I liked the education on wine making. Very interesting.
Notes:
Touches of autumn color kissed the leaves of the vineyards and trees. -- veeery nice
in her thoughts, Darryl's voice startled her. -- better as "she was startled by Darryl's voice."
"Yes, we'll start harvesting this field first and then repeat the harvest in a few weeks. -- maybe choose a new word for the second use of harvest .(process?)
I didn't see your guard dogs anywhere." -- As a reader, I wonder how Mason made it past Tango and Poppa. If you want us to know, that could be handled with narrative of his sneaky success preceding his appearance.
He pulled his cell phone from -- since you changed scenes, better to start with "Darryl pulled"
Grabbing a pair of jeans and a shirt from the closet, he dressed and slipped on his shoes. -- could use a touch more sense of urgency/frenzy.
For one second, Darryl stood paralyzed in fear. Red and amber flames climbed the back wall, like a fire-breathing dragon puffing at the ceiling and wine barrels. The open atrium door added oxygen to the fire. It registered in his mind, but he didn't have time to think about how it got unlocked. -- excellent
Once inside, the men grabbed CO2 extinguishers, fire blankets, and they connected two other hoses to the fire hydrants. -- suggest rewording, clauses aren't parallel
The charred wall and barrels nauseated the men. -- as a visual or an odor?
Miguel's sympathetic voice calmed her. Where did Miguel come from? Should be Mason?
I didn't mean to scream so loud." Yes! Emmy thinks on her feet. Great cover to protect Cassidy.
"Jack prepared the winery in case of fires." -- seems a little simplistic -- perhaps could expand by with something about all eventualities, including fires.
"But--" & "Hmm--I always like it when you have a plan." -- Yippee! You figured out how to get an em dash into FanStory text! And proper use is as you've done it, without spaces.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
|
Excellent chapter. You are starting to feed us a little more narrative. I'm really learning to respect Emmy, but am beginning to think that Liz is not only fragile, but incredibly naive. At least she has a cadre of protectors, even if they have trouble protecting her from herself. :-) You are doing more to show us, and are doing much better at not relying on present participles. I liked the education on wine making. Very interesting.
Notes:
Touches of autumn color kissed the leaves of the vineyards and trees. -- veeery nice
in her thoughts, Darryl's voice startled her. -- better as "she was startled by Darryl's voice."
"Yes, we'll start harvesting this field first and then repeat the harvest in a few weeks. -- maybe choose a new word for the second use of harvest .(process?)
I didn't see your guard dogs anywhere." -- As a reader, I wonder how Mason made it past Tango and Poppa. If you want us to know, that could be handled with narrative of his sneaky success preceding his appearance.
He pulled his cell phone from -- since you changed scenes, better to start with "Darryl pulled"
Grabbing a pair of jeans and a shirt from the closet, he dressed and slipped on his shoes. -- could use a touch more sense of urgency/frenzy.
For one second, Darryl stood paralyzed in fear. Red and amber flames climbed the back wall, like a fire-breathing dragon puffing at the ceiling and wine barrels. The open atrium door added oxygen to the fire. It registered in his mind, but he didn't have time to think about how it got unlocked. -- excellent
Once inside, the men grabbed CO2 extinguishers, fire blankets, and they connected two other hoses to the fire hydrants. -- suggest rewording, clauses aren't parallel
The charred wall and barrels nauseated the men. -- as a visual or an odor?
Miguel's sympathetic voice calmed her. Where did Miguel come from? Should be Mason?
I didn't mean to scream so loud." Yes! Emmy thinks on her feet. Great cover to protect Cassidy.
"Jack prepared the winery in case of fires." -- seems a little simplistic -- perhaps could expand by with something about all eventualities, including fires.
"But--" & "Hmm--I always like it when you have a plan." -- Yippee! You figured out how to get an em dash into FanStory text! And proper use is as you've done it, without spaces.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
-
Yippee! is right... I have made corrections and added so I think it's all under control now. I was so overwhelmed, having been gone most of yesterday to find and answer everyone. Thanks again for sticking with me, and I appreciate all the help. I hope I am doing better.
Is the weather attacking you, or are you okay? It's high 90's here with the heat index in the 100's. Not too much going on for me... I can't stand the heat when it gets that high. Especially the humidity.
Smiles, Carol
-
It's sometimes hard to keep stories and characters under control. They can develop their own lives. Weather here is hot and humid, but cooling slightly with the rain. Henri missed us, but left some reminders.
-
Now too much damage I hope from Henri.
-
No. It missed us completely. We've had some showers, but that's it.
-
We just had a surprise rain shower...just enough to make it even more humid. so far the temperature hasn't started climbing so maybe we could get lucky
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Someone has to make Liz see sense and see what a slimy git Mason is! He obviously got there earlier and had the towel as an excuse in case he was seen. Him and Cynthia make a great team. A marriage made in hell! It's good that Emmy came through then, considering Mason was already wondering who the woman was that screamed. Well done again, my friend, this was totally awesome! One little nit, you got the wrong name below. I think it should have been Mason put his hands one Liz. Hugs and love, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Miguel's sympathetic
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
|
Someone has to make Liz see sense and see what a slimy git Mason is! He obviously got there earlier and had the towel as an excuse in case he was seen. Him and Cynthia make a great team. A marriage made in hell! It's good that Emmy came through then, considering Mason was already wondering who the woman was that screamed. Well done again, my friend, this was totally awesome! One little nit, you got the wrong name below. I think it should have been Mason put his hands one Liz. Hugs and love, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Miguel's sympathetic
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
-
Fixed the goof!
Yes, Cynthia is looking to butter her bread with Mason and maybe leave Michael behind...she might regret it or else a tornado will blow her away like the Wizard of Oz. LOl
Thanks you so much for the kind review and the stars. I am blessed. You might "get strongly worked up and mad at me in two or three chapters" I think... I couldn't stop myself. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
Mason appears to be the villain of the piece. His appearance in the morning arouses suspecion.The plot is intriguing. Once again the dialogues keep the story moving forward. I enjoyed the chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
|
Mason appears to be the villain of the piece. His appearance in the morning arouses suspecion.The plot is intriguing. Once again the dialogues keep the story moving forward. I enjoyed the chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
-
Mason and Cynthia are in deep and they think they have it all under control...and they probably do for a little while...but in the end, we shall see.
smiles, Carol
