Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 28"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
18 total reviews
Comment from karenina
First I want to thank you for introducing a wee bit of romance ala Emmy and Hank. Man does not live by sleuthing alone! It was a nice setup for the remaining chapter...
Hmmm. Good catch on that truck leaving the church. No good reason I can think of! Hank will track down that scent...
Cynthia! My first thought was to scream out loud "Don't eat the darn cookies!"-- Her evil is (apparently) a little more underhanded (unless someone collapses in the next chapter!)
Love how Allie came out just in time and saved the day between Cynthia and Liz!
Liz really didn't want her in the house... (I'll file that away for later perusal and pondering).
Yippee! I'd put down Patterson too...if I could pick up YOUR book!
(Just sayin')
Karenina
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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First I want to thank you for introducing a wee bit of romance ala Emmy and Hank. Man does not live by sleuthing alone! It was a nice setup for the remaining chapter...
Hmmm. Good catch on that truck leaving the church. No good reason I can think of! Hank will track down that scent...
Cynthia! My first thought was to scream out loud "Don't eat the darn cookies!"-- Her evil is (apparently) a little more underhanded (unless someone collapses in the next chapter!)
Love how Allie came out just in time and saved the day between Cynthia and Liz!
Liz really didn't want her in the house... (I'll file that away for later perusal and pondering).
Yippee! I'd put down Patterson too...if I could pick up YOUR book!
(Just sayin')
Karenina
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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You are so sweet, my dear.
Did you later understand that Liz was trying to keep the fact that Cassidy was hiding in the house a secret? Of course, Cynthia would have shared that information with Mason.
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Yup///caught that! I get so excited about reviewing I don't always include everything I should!
Karenina
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Maybe the girls need to take Sweet 'Cyn' some cookies - laced with rat poison. The thing is they still don't really know how bad she is! More evidence that so often in life we can be around people for YEARS and not know what's really going on in their nasty little brains. UGH.
And marching on!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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Carol,
Maybe the girls need to take Sweet 'Cyn' some cookies - laced with rat poison. The thing is they still don't really know how bad she is! More evidence that so often in life we can be around people for YEARS and not know what's really going on in their nasty little brains. UGH.
And marching on!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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Cynthia appears to be the woman to hate. My friend Sandra calls her a toe-rag and says if I don't do something with her soon, she will fly over here from England and take care of Cynthia herself. Ummm.. it's a story. LOL Love when i get under the skin of my readers. Love it!
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Cynthia is the epitome of perseverance. She will not stop until she finds the right answers to her many questions. She is a suspicious character who senses a mystery that she is determined to solve.
Ralf
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Cynthia is the epitome of perseverance. She will not stop until she finds the right answers to her many questions. She is a suspicious character who senses a mystery that she is determined to solve.
Ralf
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Cynthia thinks she knows it all and will make things go her way, but mixing with Mason is not a great idea on her part.
smiles, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Hank is right to be suspicious of Miguel's stopping at the church. Meanwhile, Cynthia finally makes it past the two FBI agents, but Allie is onto her, and to a lesser extent, Liz. Even Liz is protective of Faith and her family.
Here are my suggestions:
I've heard Liz mention a time or two.
-->
I've heard Liz mention it a time or two.
And Kate's café serves a steaming cup of coffee."
-->
And Kate's Café serves a steaming cup of coffee."
she yelled as loud as she could. "Liz. Liz, could you call off the dogs, please?
-->
she yelled as loud as she could. "Liz! Liz, could you call off the dogs, please? [can we make an exception to the "no exclamation points" rule, for people yelling? It just looks strange to me, to read about people yelling, without an exclamation point. Isn't that one of the reasons exclamation points were invented?]
In the summary:
with her daughter, Annie, Sebastion, and Mary.
-->
with her daughter, Annie, Sebastion the dog, and Mary.
***
Liz is so brokenhearted about Jack -- and it's still so fresh. Cynthia is an idiot -- but a shrewd and mercenary one.
I like that detail, about not being able to concentrate on a book, and reading the same paragraph three times. You picked a good author to reference; your readers will be familiar with James Patterson.
I'm wondering how you got the "e" with the accent in "Cafe" in there, without the FanStory formatting putting in weird characters. I always have trouble with special characters on FanStory. If you can't answer that, don't worry, I know you're very busy!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Hank is right to be suspicious of Miguel's stopping at the church. Meanwhile, Cynthia finally makes it past the two FBI agents, but Allie is onto her, and to a lesser extent, Liz. Even Liz is protective of Faith and her family.
Here are my suggestions:
I've heard Liz mention a time or two.
-->
I've heard Liz mention it a time or two.
And Kate's café serves a steaming cup of coffee."
-->
And Kate's Café serves a steaming cup of coffee."
she yelled as loud as she could. "Liz. Liz, could you call off the dogs, please?
-->
she yelled as loud as she could. "Liz! Liz, could you call off the dogs, please? [can we make an exception to the "no exclamation points" rule, for people yelling? It just looks strange to me, to read about people yelling, without an exclamation point. Isn't that one of the reasons exclamation points were invented?]
In the summary:
with her daughter, Annie, Sebastion, and Mary.
-->
with her daughter, Annie, Sebastion the dog, and Mary.
***
Liz is so brokenhearted about Jack -- and it's still so fresh. Cynthia is an idiot -- but a shrewd and mercenary one.
I like that detail, about not being able to concentrate on a book, and reading the same paragraph three times. You picked a good author to reference; your readers will be familiar with James Patterson.
I'm wondering how you got the "e" with the accent in "Cafe" in there, without the FanStory formatting putting in weird characters. I always have trouble with special characters on FanStory. If you can't answer that, don't worry, I know you're very busy!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Thanks for all your suggestions. I run the story through ProWriting, Word Editor, and Grammarly, and they don't always agree, unfortunately. Thanks for helping and for enjoying the story.
Smiles, Carol
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You're very welcome. I don?t know about Word Editor and ProWriting, but I think I once looked into Grammarly, and I think they charge for their services. I'm not saying mine are flawless, but they're free, lol ;-)
But I often Iike to say, take what you need, and leave the rest.
And I certainly do enjoy your story!
Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from ShirleyT1
Cynthia is definitely the perfect nosey neighbor. You are so good at getting your characters 'just right', with your excellent writing and dialogue. Great chapter!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Cynthia is definitely the perfect nosey neighbor. You are so good at getting your characters 'just right', with your excellent writing and dialogue. Great chapter!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Can't wait until fate catches up with Cynthia...and in due time it will. smiles, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I liked the chapter. Interesting. You are able to hold readers interest by natural-sounding dialogues and how the characters interact with each other. Hence the narrative moves forward smoothly. Hmmm! Cynthia's character is interesting. Does she have murder in mind.. the good old fashioned way..poison et al? Good going Carol!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I liked the chapter. Interesting. You are able to hold readers interest by natural-sounding dialogues and how the characters interact with each other. Hence the narrative moves forward smoothly. Hmmm! Cynthia's character is interesting. Does she have murder in mind.. the good old fashioned way..poison et al? Good going Carol!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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It appears I am falling further and further behind, please forgive me. I appreciate the kindness of your review and am thrilled that you continue to enjoy it. Sending my thanks and a smile, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
This is a good chapter. For me, purely personally, I could have used just a little less lovey-doveyness between Hank and Emmy. (That's me.) I felt sorry for poor Poppa and I think it was totally in character for Allie to not only keep Cynthia out, but take charge.
Other notes:
Hank peeled himself from the car's bucket seat. -- very good "showing"
Liz sniffed and wiped away her tears. Trouble was brewing on the front lawn, and she recognized Cynthia's voice.
"Don't start with me again, Bruiser." Cynthia snarled. "You'd think you'd learn your lesson by now. Slow learner, I guess.
---- asterisks between above paragraphs for PoV switch from Liz to Poppa
take one into Liz." ==> in to (I chuckled imagining her putting them into Liz)
"Dagnabit, you're getting my dander up." -- sounds a little Gabby Hayesish. Can you come up with something more like Cynthia's vocabulary? She would probably curse, even if it was mild.
Poppa tried to remain calm, though he wanted to squeeze her skinny neck. --- Thank you! This is exactly the kind of narrative that adds.
"Shut-up. -- no hyphen.
"Nonsense, child. I can do it. It's no bother at all." -- I didn't realize Cynthia was that much older than Liz to call her "child" even if she is "fragile."
Allie muffled a cough as she choked on the cookie. She grabbed her glass of tea and swallowed. "A young girl? I've not seen anyone. Maybe she's the daughter of one of Miguel's workers."
Cynthia knows about the cottage. This can't be good.
-- in above paragraphs, I think it is out of character for Allie to show a visible response by choking on the cookie. I see her as quickly "getting it" and acting perplexed. I'd also pull her thoughts up to follow her words.
She waved and left the garden. -- Good place to affirm we are talking about Cynthia since the antecedent for "She" is Allie.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2021
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This is a good chapter. For me, purely personally, I could have used just a little less lovey-doveyness between Hank and Emmy. (That's me.) I felt sorry for poor Poppa and I think it was totally in character for Allie to not only keep Cynthia out, but take charge.
Other notes:
Hank peeled himself from the car's bucket seat. -- very good "showing"
Liz sniffed and wiped away her tears. Trouble was brewing on the front lawn, and she recognized Cynthia's voice.
"Don't start with me again, Bruiser." Cynthia snarled. "You'd think you'd learn your lesson by now. Slow learner, I guess.
---- asterisks between above paragraphs for PoV switch from Liz to Poppa
take one into Liz." ==> in to (I chuckled imagining her putting them into Liz)
"Dagnabit, you're getting my dander up." -- sounds a little Gabby Hayesish. Can you come up with something more like Cynthia's vocabulary? She would probably curse, even if it was mild.
Poppa tried to remain calm, though he wanted to squeeze her skinny neck. --- Thank you! This is exactly the kind of narrative that adds.
"Shut-up. -- no hyphen.
"Nonsense, child. I can do it. It's no bother at all." -- I didn't realize Cynthia was that much older than Liz to call her "child" even if she is "fragile."
Allie muffled a cough as she choked on the cookie. She grabbed her glass of tea and swallowed. "A young girl? I've not seen anyone. Maybe she's the daughter of one of Miguel's workers."
Cynthia knows about the cottage. This can't be good.
-- in above paragraphs, I think it is out of character for Allie to show a visible response by choking on the cookie. I see her as quickly "getting it" and acting perplexed. I'd also pull her thoughts up to follow her words.
She waved and left the garden. -- Good place to affirm we are talking about Cynthia since the antecedent for "She" is Allie.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2021
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Adjustments made and thank you for the suggestions. Too bad you didn't care for Hank and Emmy. I based their characters on Mike and myself. Often we were like school kids. Maybe because we didn't find each other until after two dreadful marriages or maybe because we were both goofy. As for Allie, I feel she was in the process of swallowing the cookie and was caught totally off guard. She recovered quickly though. Thanks for all the help and I hope you are doing okay. Smiles, Carol
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You are welcome.
Comment from Ric Myworld
What a great way to start off the day, reading and wondering what's about to happen next. I hope your week has gotten better and the weekend is a happy one! Thanks for sharing. :-) And before you can beat me to it: Smiles and Hugs to YOU!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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What a great way to start off the day, reading and wondering what's about to happen next. I hope your week has gotten better and the weekend is a happy one! Thanks for sharing. :-) And before you can beat me to it: Smiles and Hugs to YOU!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I am so far behind I have no idea what I am doing except smiling at your face at the moment. You are the best! Smiles and hugs...Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I've been popping in and out, and almost missed this part. Are you determined to have my blood-pressure shoot through the roof, Carol???? This Cynthia is doing my head in. Liz has to see her for what I know she is. I have never disliked or distrusted a character as much as I do your snoopy toe-rag!!! Even my Rapier was a pussy cat beside her!! I'm wondering if she put poison in the biscuits like the ones Cassidy was supposed to have eaten. I hope they tell Liz soon about Faith so they can keep her safe too.
I think Hank had every right to be suspicious of Miguel. Something smells fishy there. Hmm. Yep, what's he up to? Well done, my friend, another excellent chapter in this story. Warm hugs, and love, Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I've been popping in and out, and almost missed this part. Are you determined to have my blood-pressure shoot through the roof, Carol???? This Cynthia is doing my head in. Liz has to see her for what I know she is. I have never disliked or distrusted a character as much as I do your snoopy toe-rag!!! Even my Rapier was a pussy cat beside her!! I'm wondering if she put poison in the biscuits like the ones Cassidy was supposed to have eaten. I hope they tell Liz soon about Faith so they can keep her safe too.
I think Hank had every right to be suspicious of Miguel. Something smells fishy there. Hmm. Yep, what's he up to? Well done, my friend, another excellent chapter in this story. Warm hugs, and love, Sandra xxx
Comment Written 21-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I answered this once and forgot to hit save so here I am agian.... as if I wasn't already far enough behind. I love how you hate my toe-rag (never heard that before but it's awesome). There are a few storms brewing....Smiles and love, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
This is another delightful chapter. Liz and Darryl keep letting Cynthia in. It would be nice to see her have to go back home without gaining entrance. This woman is truly anoying. I hope she doesn't learn that Liz is having second thought about selling.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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This is another delightful chapter. Liz and Darryl keep letting Cynthia in. It would be nice to see her have to go back home without gaining entrance. This woman is truly anoying. I hope she doesn't learn that Liz is having second thought about selling.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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It appears I am falling further and further behind, please forgive me. I appreciate the kindness of your review and am thrilled that you continue to enjoy it. Sending my thanks and a smile, Carol
