Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 47 "Football Chapter 23 part 3"A mother faces life's struggles.
26 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
this was a very emotional chapter. Katherine's self respect and integrity is at stake. Gabriel is a true angel.
Glad that Jason has total faith in the coach.
Since the children are not that small any judge would ask them their preference wont he?
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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this was a very emotional chapter. Katherine's self respect and integrity is at stake. Gabriel is a true angel.
Glad that Jason has total faith in the coach.
Since the children are not that small any judge would ask them their preference wont he?
Comment Written 09-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Probably. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Wendy G
Legally I would think the in-laws don't have a leg to stand on. It would surely take extreme circumstances for a court to grant them custody of the boys. More dangerous would be if she came to an untimely death. She had better watch out and be warned when the dog growls. Good story, interesting!
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Legally I would think the in-laws don't have a leg to stand on. It would surely take extreme circumstances for a court to grant them custody of the boys. More dangerous would be if she came to an untimely death. She had better watch out and be warned when the dog growls. Good story, interesting!
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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You bring up very good points. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from amahra
Another fine chapter, Barbara. I Hope Gabriel's lawyers come through for Katherine. Just a couple of things below:
'Later that evening, Jordan knocked on the door. "Mom, the dishes are done. There's a plate in the fridge for each of you. Jeremy took his bath, Joshua read him his story, Reggie's in bed with him. If there's nothing else, I'm going to my room." He closed the door.'[but you never said he opened the door. Readers know what you mean but the writing must make that clear. The way it's written, Jorden is talking to her through the door until you ended with...'he closed the door.']
"...Tommow Gabriel's going [to] contact a lawyer and..."
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Another fine chapter, Barbara. I Hope Gabriel's lawyers come through for Katherine. Just a couple of things below:
'Later that evening, Jordan knocked on the door. "Mom, the dishes are done. There's a plate in the fridge for each of you. Jeremy took his bath, Joshua read him his story, Reggie's in bed with him. If there's nothing else, I'm going to my room." He closed the door.'[but you never said he opened the door. Readers know what you mean but the writing must make that clear. The way it's written, Jorden is talking to her through the door until you ended with...'he closed the door.']
"...Tommow Gabriel's going [to] contact a lawyer and..."
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the catches. Another reviewer mentioned the door issue. I've corrected it.
Comment from nomi338
I realize that you are counting on your readers to help you with suggestions and corrections if needed. I am sorry to say that I am enjoying reading what you have written to even attempt a critical eye. As far as I am concerned, the story is perfect as written. Of course if I see Katherine's in-laws getting kicked to the side, I would be much more happy. Other than that, I am well satisfied.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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I realize that you are counting on your readers to help you with suggestions and corrections if needed. I am sorry to say that I am enjoying reading what you have written to even attempt a critical eye. As far as I am concerned, the story is perfect as written. Of course if I see Katherine's in-laws getting kicked to the side, I would be much more happy. Other than that, I am well satisfied.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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I can promise action with her in-laws. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
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I would love to drop kick those in-laws into the next county at least. LOL. I hate them.
Comment from Begin Again
I really love the warm connection that I feel when I read about things with Gabriel, Katherine and the boys. It's not forced. It's natural. And it feels special....slow at times.... but maybe that's what makes it even better. We are slowly building to the crescendo.
. Tomorrow Gabriel's going (to) contact a lawyer
Smiles and hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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I really love the warm connection that I feel when I read about things with Gabriel, Katherine and the boys. It's not forced. It's natural. And it feels special....slow at times.... but maybe that's what makes it even better. We are slowly building to the crescendo.
. Tomorrow Gabriel's going (to) contact a lawyer
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the kind review and the catch. It's been fixed.
Comment from Sankey
This was so real. You are still good at drama and emotions and keeping the readers' interest. Always have us on the edge and wanting more. No spags. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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This was so real. You are still good at drama and emotions and keeping the readers' interest. Always have us on the edge and wanting more. No spags. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
The scene between Katherine, Gabriel, and Jordon is the most touching in your book so far. At least for me. My throat caught when Jordan called Coach back in his room after Katherine left. You must have known when you wrote it. I can usually feel it when I do.
From the first paragraph: "He closed the door" [I didn't know it was opened. I assumed after he knocked he was screaming though the door. I'm curious if anyone else mentioned that. It may not be worth the worry.]
After they ate and cleaned up, Gabriel said, [Probably a good spot for a scene break between these two paragraphs.]
Fabulous chapter, Barbara!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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The scene between Katherine, Gabriel, and Jordon is the most touching in your book so far. At least for me. My throat caught when Jordan called Coach back in his room after Katherine left. You must have known when you wrote it. I can usually feel it when I do.
From the first paragraph: "He closed the door" [I didn't know it was opened. I assumed after he knocked he was screaming though the door. I'm curious if anyone else mentioned that. It may not be worth the worry.]
After they ate and cleaned up, Gabriel said, [Probably a good spot for a scene break between these two paragraphs.]
Fabulous chapter, Barbara!
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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Nobody has mentioned the door. I see what you mean. I will look at it. I will check that one too. Thank you. I always appreciate your suggestions.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
The relationship continues to deepen--good that they've dispensed with their defenses so they can unite to fight this outrageous suit. Dialog is excellent--you have a great ear!
"My guess [IS] they want your trust funds."
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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The relationship continues to deepen--good that they've dispensed with their defenses so they can unite to fight this outrageous suit. Dialog is excellent--you have a great ear!
"My guess [IS] they want your trust funds."
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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I have made that correction. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from royowen
I really don't the in-laws have any chance of winning custody of the boys, particularly since they're planning boarding schools, and casual relationships are almost passé these days. This is a little drama to your story now, if it's not one thing it's the other. Beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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I really don't the in-laws have any chance of winning custody of the boys, particularly since they're planning boarding schools, and casual relationships are almost passé these days. This is a little drama to your story now, if it's not one thing it's the other. Beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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All of that will come into play. Thank you for the kind review.
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Most welcome Barbara.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
I give you a six for this piece for having Katherine's boys give Gabriel and her the time they needed to talk/not talk as they needed to while the boys handled all else. Perhaps more important than that, however, is that Katherine, with Gabriel's backing, told Jordan the truth when he asked for it. I believe that to be so essential for families so they can deal with issues that affect each and every one of them.
jan
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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barbara:
I give you a six for this piece for having Katherine's boys give Gabriel and her the time they needed to talk/not talk as they needed to while the boys handled all else. Perhaps more important than that, however, is that Katherine, with Gabriel's backing, told Jordan the truth when he asked for it. I believe that to be so essential for families so they can deal with issues that affect each and every one of them.
jan
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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I felt Jordan was old enough to understand. Thank you for the kind r review.
