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Genius in Love

Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Genius in Love, Scene 13"
In Search of a Soul

31 total reviews 
Comment from Ric Myworld
Excellent
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I'm left wondering what is about to happen now in Mr. Hallow's office. But, I'm stumped waiting for whatever is next, which is good. LOL. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    I'll certainly try to let you know by next week. Thanks for your continuing interest, Ric!
Comment from Lobber
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Hello my friend,
I tend to agree with K.M. Kean's Review and comment:
)The discussion between Cililla and Cornelius felt long for the amount of information that came out of it.( She prefers a )prune(, I like )edit(. However, I feel it can all remain intact with some audible/audio or visual interruptions. ...remember the tipped glass in one of your earlier scenes. Throwing or breaking some props can interrupt the rhythm of static action. I'd like to see the two characters DO more rather than just TALK, wave their hands, or their eyebrows. Subtle actions are more effective on film than on stage.

In fact as I read the script, to me it reads like a )movie( script, waiting for its soundtrack. ... especially when music is so important to one of the characters....

As a movie it would have at least 3 sound levels: what Corn. hears/feels, what Cil. hears/feels AND what the audience hears/SEES/feels. Other characters would travel with their own sounds

I'm still haunted by one of my earlier comments: )don't forget the power of adding a soundtrack and/or music to a scene(. You don't need to write the score,- but you need to consider opening the door to the reader/viewer/director. Example: Why not a )flashback( when Corn. first discovers music ... a nursery rhyme, a school song, a memorable Happy Birthday song/event AND how one of them changes/effects his life add those around him. An opportunity for a flashback or visual interruption.
Right now I fell the text is too insular and closed. The boat analogy does seem to go on. Why so long? Perhaps he had a bad boat event earlier in his life. Was there a bad bully event involving a boat? Another opportunity for a flashback or visual interruption.

Last and less important, there are a number of times when the fonts bump along in size and style. Intentional?

is shared--now hear me, Cornelius
For--for a while. 
But--But--No!

Sorry if my comments are scattered and unclear. I'd be glad to discuss more privately.
- Jerry

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    You've been most helpful, Jerry. And I'll say to you what I said to Katherine, I know it is excessive blather. Had I to do it over again from Scene 1, I would have made this a movie script. Yes, the flexibility that the camera has, would do wonders with this. Yes... definitely too long. Thanks, for taking the time to give this a super close look, Jerry! (When am I gonna get to see another play or script by you?)
reply by Lobber on 01-Aug-2021
    Hey Jay, :thats poetry:!
    After my last review I?m surprised you:re still talking to me. I was a bit rough on you.
    This is one of my favourites - and it?s almost a play - )Can You Watch My Cane(

    https://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=1003734

    - a tribute to Monty Python.
    Hope you get a smile🙉
    - Jer
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    Painful honesty is a lot easier to read than to write. Which is why I thank you all the more. I know it wasn't easy. But it was true.

    I'm saving your link to get to later. I'm already two days behind and have my magazine going to publication on the 5th.
Comment from BethShelby
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I'm glad you have decided to continue this story. I missed it last week. Cornelius is able to use his trick to look into the teachers face. I'm wondering where Jeanie is and why Connelius must go to the office. I look forward to the next chapter.

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    Thank you Beth. Happy you waited past the hiatus.
Comment from amahra
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I never had an imaginary friend as a child so this ongoing dialogue between Cornelius and Cililla is quite amazing. I'm thinking, though with Cornelius being able to play Chopin at his age, why he has so much self-doubt. Also, I think you misspelled Cililla to Chilla at... Chilla-"No. No. Cornie. Because it's just the way were made...etc." And..."Chilla- "No...You're not following-"

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    I don't know where that "H" came from, but it happened twice in succession. Thank you for bringing it to my attention, Amahra! Oh, I see you did point out both of them. Thanks doubly!
Comment from Senyai
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi Jay,

Oh my. I'm worried now. Why hasn't Jennie come to school for two days after visiting Cornelius in his home the other evening?

I thought all was well with Cornie playing Chopin beautifully on the piano and Jennie sitting beside him. He even looked at people's eyebrows and played perfectly. The Jaxes were so impressed as were his own parents!

Perhaps, the Jaxes were so impressed by Cornie's musical prowess that they are taken aback and afraid Cornie will hurt Jennie in some way by finding a new friend or something, Jay?

Are they not sure about getting tangled up in the Plumb's family for some unknown reason? Perhaps, they don't feel on par with the Fortune 500 executive Howard or acting coach Toleachi? Or their pristine home with a couch that has a buzzer for the maid (who is a student), lol.... I'm wracking my brain here :-(

Why is Cornie being called to the office of Mr Hallows again?

I pray nothing has happened to Jennie Jax ...

Until next week? I guess I can wait :-(

Always,
Senyai

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    You don't miss a thing, do you, Senyai? I do believe you are the "closest" reader I have. You may be even anticipating the direction of the plot. Watch out! LOL, thanks again. The six is lovely!
reply by Senyai on 02-Aug-2021
    :-)
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
Excellent
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I find it quite a complex story. I could understand the story better by reading the interaction between Cililla and Cornelius, The discussions between Cililla and Cornelius also brought forth some information. The interactions are quite intense. Wonder how they will pour out on stage. Thanks for sharing!

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    I am soooo impressed by how hard you are working at understanding the storyline through the conversation between the two. It's not easy to have a conversation when one isn't real and the other is autistic. Well, Cililla is REAL, but limited in her interactions by their psychological intimacy.
reply by Seshadri_Sreenivasan on 01-Aug-2021
    Yes. I try hard. It is a complicated storyline. Something I am not familiar with!:) Hopefully, as the story progresses I will have a better understanding of the story.
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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Indeed what did Mr. Hiney's see, or think he saw. This is an excellent episodic script. I love the interaction between Cililla and Cornelius, (wouldn't it be nice to have a conversant Angel) such a beautiful companion. My wife had an imaginary friend in childhood called Tilly Fitzgibbons, and granddaughter Indah a friend called Phyllis, beautifully written Jay, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    Thanks, as usual, Roy. You might run this script by your wife to see if it has any special relevance to her.
reply by royowen on 01-Aug-2021
    She runs a book club Jay, an avid reader herself, won?t let me join, heh heh
Comment from sandramitchell
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I wish I had the whole script so I could carry on reading, Jay, this is amazing writing, and I feel like I'm there trying to help Cililla get the point over to Cornie. Why is the student assistant waiting for Corie, and where is she taking him? Hmm! And what an ending, Cornie actually staredMr Hiney in the eyes, no wonder his jaw dropped!! Loved this part, my friend. Congrats on your All Time Best monthly award! Well deserved. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    Well, here it is ... the first of the double 6-shooter, one in each holster. Thank you, thank you. I debated that part about Cornie looking Mr. Hiney in the eyes. I didn't want Cornie to appear too cocky; that would be out of place. But I just couldn't resist it.
Comment from sandramitchell
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I wish I had the whole script so I could carry on reading, Jay, this is amazing writing, and I feel like I'm there trying to help Cililla get the point over to Cornie. Why is the student assistant waiting for Corie, and where is she taking him? Hmm! And what an ending, Cornie actually staredMr Hiney in the eyes, no wonder his jaw dropped!! Loved this part, my friend. Congrats on your All Time Best monthly award! Well deserved. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    Well, well, thanks again, again.
Comment from Katherine M. Kean
Excellent
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The discussion between Cililla and Cornelius felt long for the amount of information that came out of it. I don't mean to fiddle with the plot or the characters' ways of expressing themselves, but I think it would flow better with a light prune.

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 Comment Written 01-Aug-2021


reply by the author on 01-Aug-2021
    Thank you, Katherine ... and don't think I didn't try to trim off some of the fat. For a whole week! That was why this was a week late in posting. So ... point well taken.