Fifty Days of Friendship
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Steve, Not William"A first person story about various friends.
20 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
There is a moral there, Bill, I'm sure you learned from it! LOL. Those were the days when we had fun, and hoped our parents wouldn't find out. I hope your brother and his wife enjoy their life in Alaska, it's sounds too cold for me. And I'm glad your mother finally got round to trusting you again, albeit many years later. Lol. Well done, I enjoyed this. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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There is a moral there, Bill, I'm sure you learned from it! LOL. Those were the days when we had fun, and hoped our parents wouldn't find out. I hope your brother and his wife enjoy their life in Alaska, it's sounds too cold for me. And I'm glad your mother finally got round to trusting you again, albeit many years later. Lol. Well done, I enjoyed this. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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I?m the youngest, so my baby-blues typically shortened my penalty box time.
Comment from BethShelby
I enjoyed this story of your teen years and the guy you hung out with. I doubt if your parents were as trusting as you assumed. I never totally trusted anything my kids said, but it seemed easier to pretend we trusted than to pursue the truth. When someone like your friend Steve make it evident the kids lying you're forced to take a firmer approach.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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I enjoyed this story of your teen years and the guy you hung out with. I doubt if your parents were as trusting as you assumed. I never totally trusted anything my kids said, but it seemed easier to pretend we trusted than to pursue the truth. When someone like your friend Steve make it evident the kids lying you're forced to take a firmer approach.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thanks for giving this a look, Beth
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Ha ha ha, kids often lie their way out of difficult situations until they realise that trust is precious and can't be regained easily, a fine story of your youth here Bill, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Ha ha ha, kids often lie their way out of difficult situations until they realise that trust is precious and can't be regained easily, a fine story of your youth here Bill, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thank you, Dolly
Comment from lyenochka
Your poor mom!! Now that you're a father, you must feel much more for your parents. I did find it amusing that both you and Steve were using each other as cover for your verboten excursions!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Your poor mom!! Now that you're a father, you must feel much more for your parents. I did find it amusing that both you and Steve were using each other as cover for your verboten excursions!
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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I remember Steve?s arrival and never considered that his words would destroy my cover story. The moment of silence was deafening.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is an entertaining story of misspent youth -- I can certainly relate, as I have my own stories, similar but not the same. So, Steve (not William) ended up becoming actual family, when your brother married his sister! While you weren't bff's for life, I guess you were still able to keep track of each other.
I found some grammatical errors, and offer the following revisions for your consideration:
the blushing driver would say 'No' and we would be on our way.
-->
the blushing driver would say "No" and we would be on our way. [In the U.S., single quotes are only correctly used for quotes within quotes.]
but also changed tires, exhaust systems, brakes, car tune ups.
-->
but also changed tires, and handled exhaust systems, brakes, and car tune ups.
As a result, his abilities on the basketball were never transferred to the high school team.
-->
As a result, his abilities on the basketball court were never transferred to the high school team.
This limited his circle of friends to we 'also-rans'.
-->
This limited his circle of friends to we "also-rans."
As it turned out his sister was becoming my brother's girlfriend.
-->
As it turned out, his sister was becoming my brother's girlfriend.
with whom it was verboden to associate,
-->
with whom it was verboten to associate,
One night, however, we stayed too late out running around ...
-->
One night, however, we stayed out too late running around ...
***
I love your last line. You were thirty-five, when you regained your mother's trust... I may have been a bit younger than that, but it did take awhile. I'm sure we each gave them gray hairs.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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This is an entertaining story of misspent youth -- I can certainly relate, as I have my own stories, similar but not the same. So, Steve (not William) ended up becoming actual family, when your brother married his sister! While you weren't bff's for life, I guess you were still able to keep track of each other.
I found some grammatical errors, and offer the following revisions for your consideration:
the blushing driver would say 'No' and we would be on our way.
-->
the blushing driver would say "No" and we would be on our way. [In the U.S., single quotes are only correctly used for quotes within quotes.]
but also changed tires, exhaust systems, brakes, car tune ups.
-->
but also changed tires, and handled exhaust systems, brakes, and car tune ups.
As a result, his abilities on the basketball were never transferred to the high school team.
-->
As a result, his abilities on the basketball court were never transferred to the high school team.
This limited his circle of friends to we 'also-rans'.
-->
This limited his circle of friends to we "also-rans."
As it turned out his sister was becoming my brother's girlfriend.
-->
As it turned out, his sister was becoming my brother's girlfriend.
with whom it was verboden to associate,
-->
with whom it was verboten to associate,
One night, however, we stayed too late out running around ...
-->
One night, however, we stayed out too late running around ...
***
I love your last line. You were thirty-five, when you regained your mother's trust... I may have been a bit younger than that, but it did take awhile. I'm sure we each gave them gray hairs.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Wow! I really do need to proof my stories better. Thanks, Mary Kay for helping me out.
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You're very welcome, Bill. I'm happy to help. It's not just you, but it's my tendency to identify errors, even when I'm not looking for them. God bless you, my friend. - Mary Kay
Comment from nomi338
That is a huge problem with using a buddy as a handy excuse without checking with him or her before you decide to invoke their name in one of your alibis to get you out of trouble.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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That is a huge problem with using a buddy as a handy excuse without checking with him or her before you decide to invoke their name in one of your alibis to get you out of trouble.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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It is, was, and may be again.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I like the fact that you and Steve (William) are each other's alibi. I wondered what you did that night you were not with Steve but told your mother so. I see you slept in a Mustang with five fast girls.
It's good that you patched up with your mom after so many years? A grandchild will do.
Well done.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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I like the fact that you and Steve (William) are each other's alibi. I wondered what you did that night you were not with Steve but told your mother so. I see you slept in a Mustang with five fast girls.
It's good that you patched up with your mom after so many years? A grandchild will do.
Well done.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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We were actually three and three, but I may as well have been duffel bag.
Comment from Jay Squires
I love it. You and Steve never thought to get your stories straight before you confronted your parents. That was funny. I only found one teensy problem with the sentence, "This limited his circle of friends to we 'also-rans'." The subject is "circle" (by convoluting the first part to: "His CIRCLE of friends were limited to...") and the direct object would then be US "also rans".
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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I love it. You and Steve never thought to get your stories straight before you confronted your parents. That was funny. I only found one teensy problem with the sentence, "This limited his circle of friends to we 'also-rans'." The subject is "circle" (by convoluting the first part to: "His CIRCLE of friends were limited to...") and the direct object would then be US "also rans".
Comment Written 26-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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Thanks, Jay, for giving this a look and the fix, and the six. Bill
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Your mini-bios get me every time, Bill. You earn a six for each one of them you post.
Comment from AliMom
I like this snapshot of your teen years. It's snappy and interesting. I particularly like your commentary about your relationship with your parents and sister between the story's narrative and the realization that many of us share your experience. The moment when you get caught in a lie to your 'trusting' mother is so-o-o familiar to so many of us. Great job.
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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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I like this snapshot of your teen years. It's snappy and interesting. I particularly like your commentary about your relationship with your parents and sister between the story's narrative and the realization that many of us share your experience. The moment when you get caught in a lie to your 'trusting' mother is so-o-o familiar to so many of us. Great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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Thanks, AliMom
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Brilliantly evocative--your fiction rings true to life!
sugg:
verboden=>VERBOTEN
Steve and I would ride our bicycles most places, since it was still cool to have a driver's license, but [MISSING SOMETHING]
ride a bike.
This limited his circle of friends to we=>US
As it turned out [COMMA] his sister was becoming my brother's girlfriend. This was the topic of a few discussions [COMMA] as she was a bit odd.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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Brilliantly evocative--your fiction rings true to life!
sugg:
verboden=>VERBOTEN
Steve and I would ride our bicycles most places, since it was still cool to have a driver's license, but [MISSING SOMETHING]
ride a bike.
This limited his circle of friends to we=>US
As it turned out [COMMA] his sister was becoming my brother's girlfriend. This was the topic of a few discussions [COMMA] as she was a bit odd.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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Thanks, Elizabeth, for the great review and help. Bill
