Comment from Iza Deleanu

Excellent

The doctore becomes pray and suffer the same consequneces as his victims, maybe now will have second thoughts about tourtoring others. Thankyou for sharing and good luck with your writings.

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021

Thank you, Iza :)

Yes, indeed. I always believe what you put out there in this world eventually comes back.
Glad you enjoyed. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. It's nice to get positive feedback.

Sincerely,
Shana :)

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

There were two or three times I thought Lennie was going to kill the Doctor. You led the reader up to it with very effective suspense, only to withdraw the threat at the last moment. You have a good hold on the suspense elements, Shana.

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021

Thanks so much, Jay :)

It's good to hear from you. So thrilled you enjoyed the part with Lenny and the horrible Dr. Michaels. I had fun with this chapter. The bad guys fall short in my stories. Good always prevails.

Thanks again,
Shana :)

Comment from pookietoo

Excellent

Wow! Have you written a lot of stories? You have a great imagination. Keep up the great work. Best wishes to you always. Keep a smile on your face. :) :)

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021

Thanks so much, pookietoo :)

You just made my day! To answer your question, yes. This is my sixth book in the Breedline series. And it's always a learning process. With the help of a few readers here, I have come along way from where the story started. I will continue writing my story until it stops speaking to me. This is something I enjoy, although I have only a short period in my day to do. Thanks for stepping into my Breedline adventures.

Sincerely,
Shana :)

reply by pookietoo on 27-Jul-2021

You are welcome. I am glad you love writing stories. I love writing poetry.

Comment from royowen

Exceptional

How inventive you are, it's funny I thought Michaels was the one on charge of the situation, the one with all the plans to initiate all the cunning stuff, but he's met someone who knows human frailty, with the ability and wisdom to overcome anything in that area. So you always manage to overcome folk with an ability to overcome anything the breed line throw against them. Exceptional work, Shana, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021

Thanks so much, dear friend :)

Yes, Dr. Michaels has met his match. He forgot about Lenny's abilities to perceive deception. Just when the evil doctor thought he was going to get away with his unethical research, his plans are ruined.
Thanks again for all your motivating words and support! I appreciate you.

Always your fan,
Shana :)

reply by royowen on 27-Jul-2021

Great plot Shana

Comment from AJ McCall

Exceptional

YOU DID IT AGAIN, SHANA!!! I don't care if people don't like long posts, I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvve long stories - chapter books, anything with some decent length. But I can't take so many cliffhangers - I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! But let me stop my complaining and point out what I loved about your post. What I particularly like about this chapter, is how you described Lenny sensing the doctor's lies and when he hypnotized him into telling the truth. (I'm taking notes.) And what antidote does Lenny need? And why exactly does the doctor want power and fortune????!

I did notice two lines that confused me. And I think you should write them like this:

1. A smile touched the corner of his mouth and for a moment, said nothing, just stared at the physician with a menacing gaze.

New version: A smile touched the corner of his mouth and for a moment, Lenny said nothing, just staring at the physician with a menacing gaze.

Or: - Lenny said nothing, and just stared...



2. Lenny turned to face him and flashed a smile so wide, his fangs shown like ivory pins.

New version: Lenny turned to face him and flashed a smile so wide, his fangs shone like ivory pins. I'm not sure if that's what you were trying to say but until I see you next Monday. UGH... I hate waiting.... LOLOLOL :)

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021

Thanks so much, AJ :)

Your feedback is my favorite! And thanks so much for the helpful advice. It sure helps with another pair of eyes on this.
I know what you mean about long chapters. Mine are at least 4-7 pages, but if I put the whole thing in FanStory, no one (but you) wants to read it. I have to split them up. Plus, it gives me time to write more. It seems like this book is taking me the longest to finish. All my other books took a year. This one is a year and a half so far.
Lenny's character plays a vital role in this book. I wanted to introduce him to the readers because I plan to write a story based on his life in the 1800s. It will be called The Vampires in Manhattan. I love that time period and I will definitely have to do my research.

Thanks again for all your positive feedback and awesome reviews. I appreciate YOU!

Hugs,
Shana :)

reply by AJ McCall on 27-Jul-2021

LOL. I'm sure there'd be at least one other person but do what you gotta do. You're welcome! And a year? That's how long my first book took, and now that I'm working my second novel, I'm like wondering how I eve had the motivation to write that that fast! LOL. And thank you; I appreciate you as well. And Vampires In Manhatten??? Oooh, I'm getting goosebumps just hearing the title. THAT"S MY CITY!!! Love talking to you, Shana! Have a lovely day!!

reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021

You too, AJ :) Give me the name of your book you have out. I will get it :)

reply by AJ McCall on 28-Jul-2021

Here's the link to the book: https://sites.google.com/view/mccallfamilypublishing/home

Now just be advised, I published this back in 2018. So my writing back than was a bit... cringy (at least that's what I think.) But thank you for the support!!!

reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021

You are very welcome. What is the name of the book?

reply by AJ McCall on 28-Jul-2021

The Legends: Part I The Awakening.
It's there on the website I sent you; it sends you straight to Amazon.

reply by AJ McCall on 28-Jul-2021

It'll be under the name Asha McCall if that helps...

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Thanks!

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

I'm going to order this. I love book collecting. And now that I know you, it will be a great addition to my collection. :)

reply by AJ McCall on 31-Jul-2021

Aww, thank you so much, Shana!!!! It means a lot to me...