Reflecting On Dad
Time changes and remolds our thoughts21 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
Beautifully expressed, Carol. It is difficult to remember the good things about a parent when we can't remember the love. But you're right; as we get older we find a way to better understand. Hugs
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
  |
Beautifully expressed, Carol. It is difficult to remember the good things about a parent when we can't remember the love. But you're right; as we get older we find a way to better understand. Hugs
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
Even today when I looked at his pictures, I had to find one that didn't look like he was ready to fight...a smile or a glimmer maybe. I am struggling to understand...I can't expect to get through Heaven's gates if I can't do as the Lord expects.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This sticks to my mind: "The fifth commandment tells us to "Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."
I believe, to the best of my ability, I tried to live up to that commandment. Doing so was far from an easy task, but one I struggled to fulfill. " and I cry thinking how many times I answered back and disobey. ...
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
This sticks to my mind: "The fifth commandment tells us to "Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."
I believe, to the best of my ability, I tried to live up to that commandment. Doing so was far from an easy task, but one I struggled to fulfill. " and I cry thinking how many times I answered back and disobey. ...
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
I never raised my voice or showed disrespect (I waited till I was out of hearing) until in his last year he attacked my mother and her value to us and our family. I lost it...He would not have had half of what he claimed if it had not been for the dilligent work of my mother by his side. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
We lived in a different time, Carol, and our father's values were set from those before them. I lived under many of the same standards you have mentioned. My dad never hugged me and nothing was ever good enough for him. I had to be the strongest, toughest, smartest, and the best; although, my father's flawless qualities were only imagined. But never to be refuted. At two-years old, he shook my hand like the man I was expected to be. "Men don't hug men, unless they are queers," his words. On Christmas eve of that same year, he gave me whiskey mixed with milk. After I had become too wobbly to sit up and kept falling over, bumping my head on the old oak floor, it enraged him that I started crying. There weren't many positives, but they made us tough. Sorry, for the novella. Thanks for sharing, and I hope the rest of your week is wonderful! ((HUG)) Ric
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
We lived in a different time, Carol, and our father's values were set from those before them. I lived under many of the same standards you have mentioned. My dad never hugged me and nothing was ever good enough for him. I had to be the strongest, toughest, smartest, and the best; although, my father's flawless qualities were only imagined. But never to be refuted. At two-years old, he shook my hand like the man I was expected to be. "Men don't hug men, unless they are queers," his words. On Christmas eve of that same year, he gave me whiskey mixed with milk. After I had become too wobbly to sit up and kept falling over, bumping my head on the old oak floor, it enraged him that I started crying. There weren't many positives, but they made us tough. Sorry, for the novella. Thanks for sharing, and I hope the rest of your week is wonderful! ((HUG)) Ric
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
Hello, my dear friend
Thank you for sharing a bit of your past history with me. No wonder we get along like two peas in a pod...your history is so much like mine... It must have been the way of life when our parents were young, and values so much different, because numerous reviewers have said their life was much the same. Only one has admitted to never hearing the word love or being hugged... maybe they are not so brave, or the feelings are too raw. My writing tends to go where my mind and heart wander, and unfortunately, (I guess) I always stay true to myself, exposing the ragged reality of life.
Now I have written you a novella...LOL
Smiles and hugs, Carol
My sons and I are off to see the Blooze Bros. at the Park's acoustic amphitheater. I shall be rocking these old bones tonight. LOL
Comment from Sally Law
You are a better person than I am. I've forgiven my father but I rarely speak of him. I find it too difficult. He'd be 106 this year. You are your mom are heroes. I admire your faith, strength and resolve and willingness to share this. I live the complete opposite life of my father, a life where God and love are central to my happiness. I see you do too. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
You are a better person than I am. I've forgiven my father but I rarely speak of him. I find it too difficult. He'd be 106 this year. You are your mom are heroes. I admire your faith, strength and resolve and willingness to share this. I live the complete opposite life of my father, a life where God and love are central to my happiness. I see you do too. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
Good morning, Sally
Yes, I pray that I am not like my father. On the other hand, I believe the Lord would want me to come to terms with my feelings and learn to forgive... though I will never forget. I am working on it but I must admit it is a struggle. Sending you my love, Carol
Comment from Anne Johnston
Thank you for sharing these memories of your father. Glad that you have some good ones as well as not-so-good ones. One thing that stood out was: " His tunnel vision of succeeding made him miss the panoramic view of his wonderful family. He never felt the enjoyment of laughing, loving, and sharing." So sorry this was how it was.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
Thank you for sharing these memories of your father. Glad that you have some good ones as well as not-so-good ones. One thing that stood out was: " His tunnel vision of succeeding made him miss the panoramic view of his wonderful family. He never felt the enjoyment of laughing, loving, and sharing." So sorry this was how it was.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
Thanks Anne... As I reflect on the past and my childhood, I believe I am beginning to understand his mind set, but it's a struggle. i shall continue to work on it because I know it is what the Lord would expect. smiles, Carol
-
You are welcome, Carol. Just focus on the good memories
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Regardless of one's efforts, it wasn't good enough unless you continued to try and try again (I understand, no matter how good something was, I could always make it better.)
My dad was the same way with is work ethic, but he did tell us often he loved us and gave us many hugs. He also had a belt he used, if he every felt we needed it and he felt the need often.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
Regardless of one's efforts, it wasn't good enough unless you continued to try and try again (I understand, no matter how good something was, I could always make it better.)
My dad was the same way with is work ethic, but he did tell us often he loved us and gave us many hugs. He also had a belt he used, if he every felt we needed it and he felt the need often.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
I am learning the belt back then was used quite frequently regardless if you were good or bad... it gave them power I guess. Nowadays, my many black and blue welts would have been child abuse, but then they went unnoticed. I'm discovering others lived my story as well. A sign of those times I guess.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
I believe your father was a dedicated man just trying to survive. The men of the past, in some cases, especially European men, had determination but with a different outlook. My father was a very hardworking man as well. He grew up on a ranch in Sicily. When he came to Canada he had no choice but to do whatever he was hired for. He did have a cigar store that he established in a barbershop, but he also worked on weekends as a janitor in the buildings around him. He did not have a lot of time for us, but as well as a disciplinarian he was also a loving father. Your mother knew your father loved you. Sadly, he just couldn't show it.
Ralf
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
I believe your father was a dedicated man just trying to survive. The men of the past, in some cases, especially European men, had determination but with a different outlook. My father was a very hardworking man as well. He grew up on a ranch in Sicily. When he came to Canada he had no choice but to do whatever he was hired for. He did have a cigar store that he established in a barbershop, but he also worked on weekends as a janitor in the buildings around him. He did not have a lot of time for us, but as well as a disciplinarian he was also a loving father. Your mother knew your father loved you. Sadly, he just couldn't show it.
Ralf
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
Now, as I reflect back, I begin to see that his values on life were forged by surviving the depression and keeping a roof over their head. The abuse (which I can't forgive yet) came from the face that he felt a child was to be seen not heard and anything else was disrespectful. He had a strange way of teaching.
smiles and hugs, Carol
-
My father used a strap on me once. I never felt it was abuse. In that instance, I had behaved badly. That was the discipline in those days. Sad, but true.
-
I wish I could say once...it might have been his belt or a board, but he hit me whenever he was mad. I was a very quiet child, but often his anger was toward something or someone else and I might not have done something as fast or the way he wanted. My kids all say he was mean and grouchy... never liked the holidays when we all gathered together. But now I wonder if that was because it reminded him of things he never ever had...
-
He does sound like a bitter man!
Ralf
-
I think he resented how hard he had to work to achieve the success that others were handed so easily. He had to leave school in third grade and worked in the fields, etc. ever after. He climbed the ladder to success but he thought no one noticed.
Comment from Susan Newell
You have touched a number of hot spots that reflect on my own experiences with my father. I can't say that I really loved himin a personal sense, and I certainly can't say that I liked him. But, I did my best to honor him nevertheless and to be as dutiful as I was able. My being the best at anything was never good enough for him. But I guess that's how he saw everyone -- flaws always outweighing assets. He taught me, conversely, to learn to love people, even if I didn't love everything they did. It was a different generation, and those who really suffered through the Depression as children were indelibly scarred.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
You have touched a number of hot spots that reflect on my own experiences with my father. I can't say that I really loved himin a personal sense, and I certainly can't say that I liked him. But, I did my best to honor him nevertheless and to be as dutiful as I was able. My being the best at anything was never good enough for him. But I guess that's how he saw everyone -- flaws always outweighing assets. He taught me, conversely, to learn to love people, even if I didn't love everything they did. It was a different generation, and those who really suffered through the Depression as children were indelibly scarred.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
Good morning, Sue...
No wonder we connect so well... You are my twin! Well, you are probably much more analytical and precise than I, but our background is blended in perfection. I am struggling but trying to accept a rosier picture of what he was trying to give me instead of what he actually did.
Hugs, Carol
-
I think in their minds they did the right things. It's almost as if being a good "provider" was the only quality required to be a good father.
-
Exactly... love and warmth never entered into the equation.
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
What a beautiful letter of understanding and reconciliation. I think those folks lived a life so completely different to anything we can imagine. It's hard for us to QUITE grasp their philosophies and lifestyles. So much of what they were was based on how THEY were raised and on the conditions at the times of their own childhoods. So many of them were children during the Great Depression and that was a lesson they couldn't UNlearn.
This was a loving, heartfelt, remarkable, and compassionate piece that any father would be proud to receive. I can only imagine you as a perfect daughter. *smile* Nothing less.
Thanks for sharing. Hugs-
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
Carol,
What a beautiful letter of understanding and reconciliation. I think those folks lived a life so completely different to anything we can imagine. It's hard for us to QUITE grasp their philosophies and lifestyles. So much of what they were was based on how THEY were raised and on the conditions at the times of their own childhoods. So many of them were children during the Great Depression and that was a lesson they couldn't UNlearn.
This was a loving, heartfelt, remarkable, and compassionate piece that any father would be proud to receive. I can only imagine you as a perfect daughter. *smile* Nothing less.
Thanks for sharing. Hugs-
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
Good morning, Robyn
I doubt that there is anything perfect about me, though I should get points for always trying. I truly believed he wanted a son (which created a major tomboy for a long time) and he was so mean I was sure he hated me. My children still believe he did. As for me, as time marches on, I am trying to come to terms with who he was and why... and how that affect our lives.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This essay truly, simply and realistically portray life of struggling of your dad; he had unfortunate and hard childhood and growing days, his principles and philosophy attract you, as if he learnt good living after marriage; you remember him on his 101 birthday in heaven; you wish him a happy birthday today for his love of you; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
This essay truly, simply and realistically portray life of struggling of your dad; he had unfortunate and hard childhood and growing days, his principles and philosophy attract you, as if he learnt good living after marriage; you remember him on his 101 birthday in heaven; you wish him a happy birthday today for his love of you; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
Good morning....
Thank you for reading about my dad and our struggles together. I pray that I am learning more about him and accepting things. Forgiveness is in my heart and differences lie in my mind...It's a battle. Smiles, Carol
