Reflecting On Dad
Time changes and remolds our thoughts21 total reviews
Comment from karenina
A wise person once told me my parents did the best they could with what they understood about parenting at the time. I believe that. They were not bad people... They were exacting, demanding, harsh, strict, always pushing... But they were trying to raise up upstanding citizens and in many ways they succeeded. Could it have been more loving? Heck yes.
Neither had healthy childhoods. They followed the pattern that was set for them. I forgive them I miss them. I love them.
Karenina (via Jess)
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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A wise person once told me my parents did the best they could with what they understood about parenting at the time. I believe that. They were not bad people... They were exacting, demanding, harsh, strict, always pushing... But they were trying to raise up upstanding citizens and in many ways they succeeded. Could it have been more loving? Heck yes.
Neither had healthy childhoods. They followed the pattern that was set for them. I forgive them I miss them. I love them.
Karenina (via Jess)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Thank you all!
I am beginning to wrap my head around that way of thinking. I always felt he hated me because my horrible drunk brother could do know wrong and I could do no right...I guess he needed to focus on the help my brother gave as a young man.... he never thought of the fifty years after that. I am ... and I will slip... focusing on how hard he worked and what he left me... my home sweet home (minus the termites and a years hard work). All is good!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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It's difficult, even when we cognitively accept our parent's limitations, to forget the sad times. I know. Sometimes we love them in spite of, not because of...
Karenina
Comment from eliz100
Insight should be your middle name. You have the ability to see things in a way that shows how well you can look at yourself and others objectively. This is a beautiful tribute to your father and also yourself.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Insight should be your middle name. You have the ability to see things in a way that shows how well you can look at yourself and others objectively. This is a beautiful tribute to your father and also yourself.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Wow! Thank you... I do try to look at myself and my emotions objectively...I'm not always a pro at it...but being as honest as one can to themselves is the key to discovering the true answers.
Thanks, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
I'm glad your mom left you that note. Hope you're able to set aside your pain and enjoy today, remembering God is walking with you. Thanks for sharing your heart. Blessings.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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I'm glad your mom left you that note. Hope you're able to set aside your pain and enjoy today, remembering God is walking with you. Thanks for sharing your heart. Blessings.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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I am too! At first, when I read it I tossed it aside thinking she was just trying to make me feel better. But time after time, I seem to come across it and its like she's telling me to listen.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Patty Palmer
A moving tribute to your Dad on his birthday in Heaven. It sounds like your Dad had it rough as a child which molded him into the kind of man and person he became as an adult. Never being allowed to use I can't as an excuse is probably why your family had a brand new house and food on the table. Sadly, some people can't allow themselve the luxury of love.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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A moving tribute to your Dad on his birthday in Heaven. It sounds like your Dad had it rough as a child which molded him into the kind of man and person he became as an adult. Never being allowed to use I can't as an excuse is probably why your family had a brand new house and food on the table. Sadly, some people can't allow themselve the luxury of love.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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My Dad achieve ten fold more than anyone would ever give him credit for and I assume that formed his character. As a little girl it was impossible to accept why you daddy didn't love you and didn't appreciate any of your achievements. Now, I guess, I tell myself he didn't know how. i don't know if I am fooling myself or if its true, but it helps me come to terms with my life.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
A punch to the gut. Powerful rendering of your father's character and backstory that molded him. Stunning birthday "tribute" brilliantly rendered with unapologetic conflicted emotions.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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A punch to the gut. Powerful rendering of your father's character and backstory that molded him. Stunning birthday "tribute" brilliantly rendered with unapologetic conflicted emotions.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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I haven't come to terms with our relationship yet...but I am trying. As long as I can remember I was just the girl he hadn't wanted and never good enough regardless. As I grow older and closer to life's end, I want to come to understand and hopefully forgive.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Oh Carol, this is very hard to read, because it is so authentic - and also because the same exactly could have been said of my father, one of ten children himself. Scarred by the war, and losing his twin brother, I think now that he never really knew how to love or certainly not how to express it verbally. As you say, understanding and acceptance comes with our years, but it is sad they such men never knew the liberating freedom of giving and receiving genuine love. Well written.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Oh Carol, this is very hard to read, because it is so authentic - and also because the same exactly could have been said of my father, one of ten children himself. Scarred by the war, and losing his twin brother, I think now that he never really knew how to love or certainly not how to express it verbally. As you say, understanding and acceptance comes with our years, but it is sad they such men never knew the liberating freedom of giving and receiving genuine love. Well written.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Thanks, Wendy....
For as long as I can remember I thought I was the child he never wanted...I wasn't a boy. I often felt like he wanted me to disappear. Now, I think you are right, he didn't know how to show love and he certainly didn't trust in anyone enough to tell them his fears.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from royowen
Yes, it seems to me that particular generation were tough, my parents likewise grew up in the depression, and affection was never shown, they had a funny way of dolling out affection. I must admit, I will make sure I will leave a legacy of affection for mine, well done Carol, thanks for sharing, I had a similar childhood, well done, but I remember the 4th commandment, that's why I'm still here I think, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Yes, it seems to me that particular generation were tough, my parents likewise grew up in the depression, and affection was never shown, they had a funny way of dolling out affection. I must admit, I will make sure I will leave a legacy of affection for mine, well done Carol, thanks for sharing, I had a similar childhood, well done, but I remember the 4th commandment, that's why I'm still here I think, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Good afternoon, Roy
I believe that I continued to show respect, loyalty and committment to my family my entire life. Even when I was positive my father hated me because I was a girl... I did what was expected. Only once before he died, I literally screamed at him. He told my mother (who had worked tirelessly at his side) that she only had a roof over her head and food on her table because of him... he did it all, no one else. i guarantee you without my mother doing all his book work, receptionist for the businesses, and remodeling houses, my father would not have had what he did. He needed to appreciate her. He could treat me however he felt, but not my mother.
Smiles, Carol
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I don?t blame you Carol
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Carol, expressing your thoughts and feelings. It is sad to have experienced what you described. As I'm not privy to all the facts, I believe the best way to respond to your post is to say, "I admire your perseverance." I believe you are right about how time does change one's perceptions. Perhaps you father had issues that he kept hidden from his childhood. But in the end I believe you have done the right 'thing.'
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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You did a great job, Carol, expressing your thoughts and feelings. It is sad to have experienced what you described. As I'm not privy to all the facts, I believe the best way to respond to your post is to say, "I admire your perseverance." I believe you are right about how time does change one's perceptions. Perhaps you father had issues that he kept hidden from his childhood. But in the end I believe you have done the right 'thing.'
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Thanks, Jan
That's sort of the conclusion I am coming to also. I respected and treated him well, even believing that he hated me. I honored them till he took his last breath and I was the one there with him. I tell myself that he loved me but just had no idea how to show it.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Begin Again.
Your well written story about your Dad. I was stunned as I was reading brought memories of my Dad. I was amazed I thought you were referring to my father.
Here are couple -- He wasn't expecting me to answer because a child was to be seen, not heard, listen and obey, accept his word, and only his word, as law.
And--
My father built our Camp while my mother and I retrieved lumber, nails, and anything he needed.
Okay there is one that really brought a memory I will never forget. He kept telling me that I wasn't his daughter
Which I found out was not true
Gert
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Hello Begin Again.
Your well written story about your Dad. I was stunned as I was reading brought memories of my Dad. I was amazed I thought you were referring to my father.
Here are couple -- He wasn't expecting me to answer because a child was to be seen, not heard, listen and obey, accept his word, and only his word, as law.
And--
My father built our Camp while my mother and I retrieved lumber, nails, and anything he needed.
Okay there is one that really brought a memory I will never forget. He kept telling me that I wasn't his daughter
Which I found out was not true
Gert
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Oh, Gert, I send you the biggest bear hug I can manage ((((HUGS)))) and all the blessing the Lord will shower upon you.
I have discovered many reviewers today who say I've written their life story... Do you think it was a different generation that held different values sacred? I hope we all may come to terms and accept what we cannot change. Thank you for the review and sharing your thoughts. Smiles, Carol
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You are most welcome Begin Again.
You are asking a good question. I don't know to answer
All I know is I was nerves when my dad was around
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Smiles and hugs, Carol
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The same for you --
smiles and hugs
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for sharing. He sounds like a really hard man and no child of this modern generation would tolerate someone like that. But you did and were able to cull the good out of the bad; you've gather gems from the darkness. Thanks for showing us that you did gain determination and strength even from such a hard childhood.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Thank you for sharing. He sounds like a really hard man and no child of this modern generation would tolerate someone like that. But you did and were able to cull the good out of the bad; you've gather gems from the darkness. Thanks for showing us that you did gain determination and strength even from such a hard childhood.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Even today when I looked at his pictures, I had to find one that didn't look like he was ready to fight...a smile or a glimmer maybe. I am struggling to understand...I can't expect to get through Heaven's gates if I can't do as the Lord expects.
Smiles, Carol
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The Lord understands all your hurts. Don't feel like you have to earn what Jesus already paid for. 💖
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(((HUGS)))
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Isn't it wonderful that we don't have to earn our Heavenly Father's love and approval? 💖
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Amen!
