Lust
Evil can begin with a passing thought.18 total reviews
Comment from estory
Nice job with this prose poetry format here. I like the vivid, colorful descriptions of the power of lust and personifying it as a lurid old man creates a strong image that is quite tangible. There is a great mix of the surreal and the natural here, and it all comes off as a nightmare effect. estory
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Nice job with this prose poetry format here. I like the vivid, colorful descriptions of the power of lust and personifying it as a lurid old man creates a strong image that is quite tangible. There is a great mix of the surreal and the natural here, and it all comes off as a nightmare effect. estory
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from E. Denison
Papa55mike - I like that you have essentially two poems in this submission. The narrative of the first is a strong one, and the paired imagery and coloration really sell the work as a whole. The smaller work at the end, the closing statement, almost reads like a haiku/senryu, and I think works to close out the piece as a whole, almost like a warning statement for the reader. Really well done here in tone and narrative. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Papa55mike - I like that you have essentially two poems in this submission. The narrative of the first is a strong one, and the paired imagery and coloration really sell the work as a whole. The smaller work at the end, the closing statement, almost reads like a haiku/senryu, and I think works to close out the piece as a whole, almost like a warning statement for the reader. Really well done here in tone and narrative. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hello, my friend. I found this form in a Haibun contest on Fanstory and loved it. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from robyn corum
Mike,
Wow. That guy was willing to risk it all - literally - to help save others. He mimicked the sound of a crying, weak human child to tempt Satan into the home. Once arriving, the beast discovered that it was a trap. A man had sacrificed himself as bait to capture the devil for all time. Wow. Wouldn't that be amazing? And terrifying....?
Thanks! (Did you know you had set this up very similar to a haibun?)
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Mike,
Wow. That guy was willing to risk it all - literally - to help save others. He mimicked the sound of a crying, weak human child to tempt Satan into the home. Once arriving, the beast discovered that it was a trap. A man had sacrificed himself as bait to capture the devil for all time. Wow. Wouldn't that be amazing? And terrifying....?
Thanks! (Did you know you had set this up very similar to a haibun?)
Comment Written 30-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hi, Robyn. I love that form. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Beejay
What a strong, evocative and thought provoking piece of work. Words that depict that of lust and demons, so powerful. Thank you for letting me read it.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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What a strong, evocative and thought provoking piece of work. Words that depict that of lust and demons, so powerful. Thank you for letting me read it.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Mike.
This is an outstanding piece describing the sin of lust. It is enticing until it is in full bloom and doesn't deliver what it promises. Millions are motivated by it but it never satisfied. It's like a mud puddle that is a mile in diameter and 1/2 inch deep.
Robert
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hello Mike.
This is an outstanding piece describing the sin of lust. It is enticing until it is in full bloom and doesn't deliver what it promises. Millions are motivated by it but it never satisfied. It's like a mud puddle that is a mile in diameter and 1/2 inch deep.
Robert
Comment Written 30-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hi, Robert. Thank you for your kind words and shiny six stars. They are deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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You're welcome Mike. GOOD JOB!
Comment from Ric Myworld
You paint some mighty vivid visions that even make an old guy like me who feels he has seen it all swallow hard and wonder. I wish I had a six so late in the week. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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You paint some mighty vivid visions that even make an old guy like me who feels he has seen it all swallow hard and wonder. I wish I had a six so late in the week. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hi, Ric. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Wendy G
What an original and creative piece of writing, from the viewpoint firstly of lust himself seeking to destroy and then by the old man who has gained control over lust and is holding him captive. Spiritual overtones of a Satanic battle, with demons battling for victory. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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What an original and creative piece of writing, from the viewpoint firstly of lust himself seeking to destroy and then by the old man who has gained control over lust and is holding him captive. Spiritual overtones of a Satanic battle, with demons battling for victory. Well done.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hi, Wendy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
That inner selfish trait sometimes makes us disregard others as we yearn to satisfy ourselves through lust and greed, a poignant clever write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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That inner selfish trait sometimes makes us disregard others as we yearn to satisfy ourselves through lust and greed, a poignant clever write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hi, Dolly, Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from damommy
I hope the old man hangs on to Lust. Lust for money is the biggest problem I think, and then sinful lust destroys everything else. It's a strange world these days.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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I hope the old man hangs on to Lust. Lust for money is the biggest problem I think, and then sinful lust destroys everything else. It's a strange world these days.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Gert sherwood
papa55mike
I found your poem about lust so true and here is a quote written by TOM ROBBINS
Of the seven deadly sins, lust is definitely the pick of the litter.
Gert
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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papa55mike
I found your poem about lust so true and here is a quote written by TOM ROBBINS
Of the seven deadly sins, lust is definitely the pick of the litter.
Gert
Comment Written 29-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Hi, Gert. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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You are most welcome papa55mike
Gert
