Gone in a flash
An unfortunate accident4 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
LMAO! This makes me chuckle, when I remember a nasty ol' cuss who was lighting his gas and caught his pants on fire with a match. "Kids do the darndest things."
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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LMAO! This makes me chuckle, when I remember a nasty ol' cuss who was lighting his gas and caught his pants on fire with a match. "Kids do the darndest things."
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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They do. Thanks Ric
Comment from Patty Palmer
This is a witty way to write an epitaph. For some reason farts always get more laughs than anything else. You made me laugh! Keep on moving on!
Patty
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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This is a witty way to write an epitaph. For some reason farts always get more laughs than anything else. You made me laugh! Keep on moving on!
Patty
Comment Written 18-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
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Thanks Patty. Glad ypu love fart jokes as much as me.
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I don't know how well I like 'fart' jokes but I've lived with a husband and three boys. Need I say more? LOL
Patty
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
I get it. It's a clever and silly way to send off the many, many, scrambled pieces of poor Jack. *smile*
The only thing is that I think, with a bit of editing, you could improve on this and offer a bit more challenging piece for the other contest entries. (Sorry!)
Right now you are working with no noticeable meter or consistent syllable count and some of your lines read a little awkwardly:
Here lies poor Jack
We're broken(-)hearted (<-- needs hyphen)
Blew himself up
Lit a candle then farted
**
Here lies our good friend, Jack. (6)
He's left us broken-hearted. (7)
The poor man blew himself to bits, (8)
when he lit a match then farted. (8)
**
In the edited version, you have a consistent bouncy form of scansion and then, if you'll notice the numbers out to the sides of the lines -- the first couplet (the first two lines) has approximately the same number of syllables, and the second couplet has the same number of syllables, which makes them read a bit more fluidly. Do you see what I mean at all?
You are welcome to use these or to create something of your own or to ignore everything I have to say. *smile*
Just do please add the hyphen to 'broken-hearted', That's it!
Good luck!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
I get it. It's a clever and silly way to send off the many, many, scrambled pieces of poor Jack. *smile*
The only thing is that I think, with a bit of editing, you could improve on this and offer a bit more challenging piece for the other contest entries. (Sorry!)
Right now you are working with no noticeable meter or consistent syllable count and some of your lines read a little awkwardly:
Here lies poor Jack
We're broken(-)hearted (<-- needs hyphen)
Blew himself up
Lit a candle then farted
**
Here lies our good friend, Jack. (6)
He's left us broken-hearted. (7)
The poor man blew himself to bits, (8)
when he lit a match then farted. (8)
**
In the edited version, you have a consistent bouncy form of scansion and then, if you'll notice the numbers out to the sides of the lines -- the first couplet (the first two lines) has approximately the same number of syllables, and the second couplet has the same number of syllables, which makes them read a bit more fluidly. Do you see what I mean at all?
You are welcome to use these or to create something of your own or to ignore everything I have to say. *smile*
Just do please add the hyphen to 'broken-hearted', That's it!
Good luck!
Comment Written 17-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
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Thanks so much for your help
Comment from Pantygynt
I knew a chap once who used to do this as a party trick. He survived every time I witnessed it but maybe it got him in the end. It is OK unless you you follow through. If you do you'll snuff yourself out.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
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I knew a chap once who used to do this as a party trick. He survived every time I witnessed it but maybe it got him in the end. It is OK unless you you follow through. If you do you'll snuff yourself out.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
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Many thanks
