Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Hmm, that ending and change was a bit sudden. But this is fine. Good luck.

Notes:

["]At least I never had to ride this stinking train every day, in and out. Just look at these people", he thought

- add, and place space between the above and the 'tickets please!'

As the train picked up speed, Charlie fell deeper into the abyss of despair{,} "I have a degree.

- Change to Period. Not a speech tag.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2021

Indeed. The ending was quick. 300 words is a short limit to tell a tale. Thanks for the tips. I will look at those.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

You did a good job expressing your thoughts and feelings about being young with the unknown ahead, but based on the current state of the world. I could see everything you mentioned. I could see the crowd exiting the train to who knows where. I like your notes, too. They add another layer to the poignancy of your entry. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2021

Thanks Ms. Jan! You're among the best so your review means much. Thanks for joining me on a painful commute!