Comment from royowen

Excellent

Very few can write action scenes like you can Shana, the fact that you can even do this, reveals an imagination way above the normal imagery projection. It certainly looks like the fabulous covenant has really got things in hand! Well done, now for Joseph? Well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021

Thank you dear friend :)

The action scenes do take a lot of time to put together, but in the end, it's all worth the effort. I'm happy you approve of it. I always look forward to your opinion my friend.

Thanks so much!
Always your fan,
Shana :)

reply by royowen on 22-Jun-2021

Well done, the best authors do action scenes well, good job Shana

Comment from Bonnie Seach

Good

I am reviewing this story from a reader's point of view. The author welcomes needed corrections. I have noticed many. Since I am not required to edit the story I suggest that the author self-edit or employ an editor to make the story exceptional.
Review guidelines allow 4 stars or less for stories that need work.
I wish the author success with improving the rating and drawing readers. Kindest regards

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021

Thanks, Bonnie. I appreciate you pointing out the needed corrections, but I was hoping to be reviewed based on the story rather than mistakes. I do have an editor, but since the story is not finished, he has not added his touches.

Sincerely,
Shana :)

reply by Bonnie Seach on 23-Jun-2021

Initially you intimated that you would welcome corrections. I spent more time than usual going through your story. I did my best to help you so as th attain a higher rating. I reviewed according to Fanstory guidelines. Unfortunately the errors hindered me. Why not submit your work after it has been edited. That way a reviewer will be able to enjoy the story. All the best. Kindest regards

reply by Bonnie Seach on 23-Jun-2021

reply by Bonnie Seach on 23-Jun-2021

The instructions for reviewing will prove to be enlightening. Kind regards

Comment from AJ McCall

Exceptional

'To be continued'

I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!! I was vibing with the story -- Drakon, Tim, Roman, and Jena were tearing through those creatures like a McDonald's happy meal and then they found the underground tunnel and discovered Mr. Manuel Detective has a fear of heights. (Classic.) But, now I'm ON A CLIFF!!! Please post soon, I need to know what HAPPENS NEXT!!

I just wanted to suggest maybe a different way of constructing the description for this line (This probably the first time I'm actually doing this for one of YOUR posts): Then she bit down, its skull split open like the sound of an egg cracking from a loudspeaker with the volume turned on high.

Revised: Then she bit down, its skull split open with a ear-piercing crack loud enough to pop one's eardrums.

I think that would sound a lot better. Also, I've never heard of the word 'pinioning' until now. This why I love your stories; I get to read AWESOME chapters and also learn new words to put into my own writing, LOL. Can't wait for the next chapter!!

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021

Aww... thanks so much, AJ :)

Glad you enjoyed this one and the cliff hanger. Sorry. Hee-hee! There will be more next Monday. And I really appreciate your advice. I like the way you point it out in a positive way and give me an example. Some of the people here are quite mean and rude. It's almost pushing me away from FanStory. But thanks for keeping me motivated.

Thanks again!
Hugs,
Shana :)

reply by AJ McCall on 22-Jun-2021

You're welcome!! And don't let those people stop you. (That's a fear of man.) I'm glad I could be of use. But Ugh, I have to wait til MONDAY?... I HATE WAITING! LOL. Oh, and I forgot to mention in my review that you forgot to put a question mark in Jace's line where he asked the detective if he was scared of heights....unless you did that intentionally...

reply by the author on 23-Jun-2021

Thanks so much! See... you're a big help. Glad you caught that.

reply by AJ McCall on 23-Jun-2021

:) you're welcome!!

Comment from Theodore McDowell

Excellent

if I had any sixes left i would give this story one. I am jumping in in the middle but it immediately grabbed and held my attention. Very fast paced and exciting. Well written. I really enjoyed it and will read more.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2021

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reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021

Thanks so much, Theodore. So thrilled you enjoyed the chapter. It was definitely fun to create. Hope to hear from you again. Positive words like yours keeps me motivated to write more.

Thanks again,
Shana :)