Leave of Absence
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Dead on Arrival"Troopers life spins out of control over his family
13 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
This is written very well, there are some commonalities to other things we know but, that may be useful in easing the reader into a thriller. First, show them what they expect and are familiar with, then slowly pull them out of their comfort zone.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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This is written very well, there are some commonalities to other things we know but, that may be useful in easing the reader into a thriller. First, show them what they expect and are familiar with, then slowly pull them out of their comfort zone.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Thanks! I like the way you put that. Familial and bring them on a worn path, before they, the reader realizes they found the cliff edge. I respect your input more, because you are one of my top three writers. Stan. aka. Forestport
Comment from Leann DS
Yes, I think it is a good start, for sure! There should probably be more for a first chapter, however. I'm not sure exactly how many words they recommend for each chapter, but you could find it on the Internet. It just seems like if I read a chapter in a novel, it takes me a lot longer than it took me to read this one. :-) But in any event, it's great! Well done, and keep writing.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Yes, I think it is a good start, for sure! There should probably be more for a first chapter, however. I'm not sure exactly how many words they recommend for each chapter, but you could find it on the Internet. It just seems like if I read a chapter in a novel, it takes me a lot longer than it took me to read this one. :-) But in any event, it's great! Well done, and keep writing.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Thanks! Valid point.
Comment from royowen
One can wonder what precipitates anger's long lasting injustices such as this one that has found a victim in him, a man who has never been inclined to violence, a man who has lived a life of honour. My mind speedily raced to Jesus, accused, sentence and hung in a cross, for our collective guitt. Beautifully written my friend, let's hope he will recover, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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One can wonder what precipitates anger's long lasting injustices such as this one that has found a victim in him, a man who has never been inclined to violence, a man who has lived a life of honour. My mind speedily raced to Jesus, accused, sentence and hung in a cross, for our collective guitt. Beautifully written my friend, let's hope he will recover, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Thanks Roy. I should have prefaced that it is a redemption story. That I take him to a real low place so God could work behind the scenes when you least expect it. Thanks!
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Well done
