The Prophet
3,000 words. Fall in love with Carey, as I did.16 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm a sucker for happy endings and this story gives us a look at what faith can do. Although it's fiction, I've known situations that would be hard for anyone to believe that are true. Now, if only we choose to believe and trust. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2021
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I'm a sucker for happy endings and this story gives us a look at what faith can do. Although it's fiction, I've known situations that would be hard for anyone to believe that are true. Now, if only we choose to believe and trust. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2021
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Hi, Ric. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Kit Nongkhlaw
What a wonderful story of miracles. I like the way you weave the story to make it so readable and engaging. Yes, miracles are possible. I have seen that with my own eyes in my own family. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. Kit.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
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What a wonderful story of miracles. I like the way you weave the story to make it so readable and engaging. Yes, miracles are possible. I have seen that with my own eyes in my own family. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. Kit.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from amahra
Wow-what a magnificent story. I really enjoyed it. A great story of faith with a much-needed miracle. I thought the father rose from the bed a little pre-maturely. I thought, maybe wiggling his toes first would have been good. And how did Carey know to call the prophet Omar?
I loved the mom saying, "Go kiss your dad, he's had a tough day." I thought that was very caring of her.
And these are my favorite lines:
"Smoking dupe with Bigfoot"
"Drinking with Aliens"
"Grandma's L&Ms"
"Sister sneaking boys in and out of her room" Great job!
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
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Wow-what a magnificent story. I really enjoyed it. A great story of faith with a much-needed miracle. I thought the father rose from the bed a little pre-maturely. I thought, maybe wiggling his toes first would have been good. And how did Carey know to call the prophet Omar?
I loved the mom saying, "Go kiss your dad, he's had a tough day." I thought that was very caring of her.
And these are my favorite lines:
"Smoking dupe with Bigfoot"
"Drinking with Aliens"
"Grandma's L&Ms"
"Sister sneaking boys in and out of her room" Great job!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words and the shiny six stars. They are deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
What a wonderful, inspiring story! I wish I still had a six to give you, for this beautiful tale of faith, hope and love! I would love to be like Carey, and have things like this happen in my own life.
Here are some suggestions for grammatical improvement:
I can't count the times we road in her Oldsmobile to the Q-Mart.
-->
I can't count the times we rode in her Oldsmobile to the Q-Mart.
plus helping Dad with his needs, which aren't many, he's still pretty independent.
-->
plus helping Dad with his needs, which aren't many; he's still pretty independent.
It lands on the roof of the guard station. A distance never reached before.
-->
It lands on the roof of the guard station--a distance never reached before.
then into the backyard.
-->
then into the back yard.
"I'm not, Elijah, but I am a prophet of the Lord."
-->
"I'm not Elijah, but I am a prophet of the Lord."
walking through the cornfield then into the backyard.
-->
walking through the cornfield, then into the back yard.
"What took you so long, son."
-->
"What took you so long, son?"
The sun slowly sets behind the old sewing factory
-->
The sun slowly sets behind the old sewing factory,
while the shadows lengthen across the backyard.
-->
while the shadows lengthen across the back yard.
A quick turn under the fence then across the parking lot to my target.
-->
A quick turn under the fence, then across the parking lot, to my target.
"Do you believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross then rose on the third day?"
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"Do you believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross, then rose on the third day?"
Carey slides out of bed then right to his door.
-->
Carey slides out of bed, then right to his door.
Carey walks into the cornfield with a Bagel,
-->
Carey walks into the cornfield with a bagel,
I'll place a Bagel with cream cheese right here.
-->
I'll place a bagel with cream cheese right here.
"Your mom's veg oil will do.
-->
"Your mom's vegetable oil will do.
Carey gathers up all of his stuff then looks into the darkness.
-->
Carey gathers up all of his stuff, then looks into the darkness.
He raises his hand above his head
-->
He raises his hand above his head,
He can blink his left eye again
-->
He can blink his left eye again,
***
I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading this. It's a powerful reminder that even today, miracles are still possible.
The next afternoon.
Carey looks out his window
-->
The next afternoon, Carey looks out his window
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
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What a wonderful, inspiring story! I wish I still had a six to give you, for this beautiful tale of faith, hope and love! I would love to be like Carey, and have things like this happen in my own life.
Here are some suggestions for grammatical improvement:
I can't count the times we road in her Oldsmobile to the Q-Mart.
-->
I can't count the times we rode in her Oldsmobile to the Q-Mart.
plus helping Dad with his needs, which aren't many, he's still pretty independent.
-->
plus helping Dad with his needs, which aren't many; he's still pretty independent.
It lands on the roof of the guard station. A distance never reached before.
-->
It lands on the roof of the guard station--a distance never reached before.
then into the backyard.
-->
then into the back yard.
"I'm not, Elijah, but I am a prophet of the Lord."
-->
"I'm not Elijah, but I am a prophet of the Lord."
walking through the cornfield then into the backyard.
-->
walking through the cornfield, then into the back yard.
"What took you so long, son."
-->
"What took you so long, son?"
The sun slowly sets behind the old sewing factory
-->
The sun slowly sets behind the old sewing factory,
while the shadows lengthen across the backyard.
-->
while the shadows lengthen across the back yard.
A quick turn under the fence then across the parking lot to my target.
-->
A quick turn under the fence, then across the parking lot, to my target.
"Do you believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross then rose on the third day?"
-->
"Do you believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross, then rose on the third day?"
Carey slides out of bed then right to his door.
-->
Carey slides out of bed, then right to his door.
Carey walks into the cornfield with a Bagel,
-->
Carey walks into the cornfield with a bagel,
I'll place a Bagel with cream cheese right here.
-->
I'll place a bagel with cream cheese right here.
"Your mom's veg oil will do.
-->
"Your mom's vegetable oil will do.
Carey gathers up all of his stuff then looks into the darkness.
-->
Carey gathers up all of his stuff, then looks into the darkness.
He raises his hand above his head
-->
He raises his hand above his head,
He can blink his left eye again
-->
He can blink his left eye again,
***
I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading this. It's a powerful reminder that even today, miracles are still possible.
The next afternoon.
Carey looks out his window
-->
The next afternoon, Carey looks out his window
Comment Written 18-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
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Hi, Mary Kay. Thank you for your kind words and concise edit on this story. It is deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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You're very welcome, Papa Mike. I'm happy to help, especially with an inspiring story like this one.
Your profile picture with your wife is so beautiful! I can see that you love each other very much, the way my husband and I do. God bless you both. - Mary Kay
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Mike!
I thoroughly enjoyed your story.
You write with such an easy manner. I felt as if I was smack-dab there with Casey and his family. Creative and entertaining. Many excellent passages that held my attention.
One nit:
I can't count the times we road (rode) in her Oldsmobile to the Q-Mart.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
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Hello Mike!
I thoroughly enjoyed your story.
You write with such an easy manner. I felt as if I was smack-dab there with Casey and his family. Creative and entertaining. Many excellent passages that held my attention.
One nit:
I can't count the times we road (rode) in her Oldsmobile to the Q-Mart.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 18-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from ShirleyT1
Your story is beautifully written and contains a powerful message of hope. I enjoyed reading it, and was rooting for Omar to be a true or 'the' true prophet. Loved the dialogue too!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2021
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Your story is beautifully written and contains a powerful message of hope. I enjoyed reading it, and was rooting for Omar to be a true or 'the' true prophet. Loved the dialogue too!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2021
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Hi, Shirley. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from estory
I thought this was great. You had plenty of personality in the writing, and it really made Carey come to life with his whole family. All the details of the struggles of this family, the romance minded sister, the alcoholic father, the faithful mom, the grandmother with her cigarettes and lite beer, made them seem very much like all of us, with love for each other and failings. I also loved the mysterious beast in the trailer, who coaxes the faith out of Carey. The happy ending and miracle given was also nice and uplifting. I think its a great faith story and would be great for teens. I think you should try some Christian magazines for it. Super job with this one, my friend. estory
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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I thought this was great. You had plenty of personality in the writing, and it really made Carey come to life with his whole family. All the details of the struggles of this family, the romance minded sister, the alcoholic father, the faithful mom, the grandmother with her cigarettes and lite beer, made them seem very much like all of us, with love for each other and failings. I also loved the mysterious beast in the trailer, who coaxes the faith out of Carey. The happy ending and miracle given was also nice and uplifting. I think its a great faith story and would be great for teens. I think you should try some Christian magazines for it. Super job with this one, my friend. estory
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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Hello, my friend. Yeah, the grandma helped set the tone. Thank you for your kind words, and for the shiny six stars. They are deeply appreciated!
Have a great, day and God bless.
mike
Comment from Versch
I was touched by this story. You have a gift for making a good plot. It would be really good if the story uses only either the third person or the first person narrator's point of view throughout.
Regards,
versch
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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I was touched by this story. You have a gift for making a good plot. It would be really good if the story uses only either the third person or the first person narrator's point of view throughout.
Regards,
versch
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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You are welcome Mike! And thank you for writing back. God bless you. I hope to read more of your stories from the Bible. So touching!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wonderful story and it made just to follow your hero example, and to start praying for a miracle that will take this coughing,sneezing and running nose away.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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Wonderful story and it made just to follow your hero example, and to start praying for a miracle that will take this coughing,sneezing and running nose away.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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Hi, Iza. You got to believe. Thank you for your kind words, and for those shiny six stars. They are deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Sherry Asbury
What a story!!! It is filled with such wonders - I feel blessed to have read it. Jesus saved me more than once and now I am his disciple forever...that is why your story touched me so!! Wonderful storytelling - wondrous!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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What a story!!! It is filled with such wonders - I feel blessed to have read it. Jesus saved me more than once and now I am his disciple forever...that is why your story touched me so!! Wonderful storytelling - wondrous!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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Hi, Sherry. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
