On the Edge of Deception Pg 50
An the interrogations begin....19 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
I'm glad you've posted another excellent chapter. Your are making this operation go down perfectly. I'm surprised Peter is not among the ones being questioned but the fact he being spooked by these bullets may be even a better idea. I'm anxious to read the next one.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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I'm glad you've posted another excellent chapter. Your are making this operation go down perfectly. I'm surprised Peter is not among the ones being questioned but the fact he being spooked by these bullets may be even a better idea. I'm anxious to read the next one.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Garth doesn't have enough info to snare Peter... but he's working on it. Never fear...he won't slip away. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
Great chapter. The interpersonal dynamics are really ramping up, and you are maintaining the suspense in multiple arenas. As a reader, I have forgotten exactly what charge Spider went to prison for. It would have helped me to have that reiterated. I think this is the first time you have indicated that Amanda and Spider have/had some kind of relationship. I'd like to know a little more about that before moving forward. Not a lot -- just enough for it to make sense. All in all it left me wanting more; dialogue was believable and pertinent.
Earlier I had told you I didn't think police chiefs were elected. Apparently, in some states they are, because I heard something on the news about New York City preparing to elect a new police chief. Maybe they do in Ohio, too. If so, it helps your story.
Language notes:
I don't know this Spider, but the seventeen-year-old boy who went to prison for a crime he didn't commit. -- don't understand this line
How you cooked the books?" -- typo; not a question
sign the paper. ==> paper."
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Great chapter. The interpersonal dynamics are really ramping up, and you are maintaining the suspense in multiple arenas. As a reader, I have forgotten exactly what charge Spider went to prison for. It would have helped me to have that reiterated. I think this is the first time you have indicated that Amanda and Spider have/had some kind of relationship. I'd like to know a little more about that before moving forward. Not a lot -- just enough for it to make sense. All in all it left me wanting more; dialogue was believable and pertinent.
Earlier I had told you I didn't think police chiefs were elected. Apparently, in some states they are, because I heard something on the news about New York City preparing to elect a new police chief. Maybe they do in Ohio, too. If so, it helps your story.
Language notes:
I don't know this Spider, but the seventeen-year-old boy who went to prison for a crime he didn't commit. -- don't understand this line
How you cooked the books?" -- typo; not a question
sign the paper. ==> paper."
Comment Written 11-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Actually, Rockford changed its way when it changed how it's ruled. Can you believe we have been under township, home rule, government and one other one and depending they make the rules. but I did research and most places now do it as an appointment giving the Mayor leverage. I will revisit that when I rewrite.
I don't know this Spider, but the seventeen-year-old boy who went to prison for a crime he didn't commit. -- don't understand this line
Means Amanda knew Spider as a good kid, but she's hasn't known the one prison life changed.
Thanks as always for catching those errors.
It's blazing hot for the beginning of June and I'm suffering. Today is the girls' last day with me and I am worried already. Guess I just have to hold my breath and pray nothing happens in the next three months. Have a great day! Smiles and hugs, Carol
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We finally cooled off here and I actually did a little cleaning yesterday. Not much, but every bit helps. I hope you can not worry about the girls and enjoy some time for yourself.
How about this? -- "I don't know this Spider, but I remember the seventeen . . . "
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Good idea! Changed it! THANKS!
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Welcome. Just eliminates potential confusion -- like mine.
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I never realized my city had changed its way of governing so many times... we seem to change with the party that is in office. I can't keep up! Smiles
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At least your fictitious city can keep just one -- of your choice. :-)
Comment from lyenochka
I guess I didn't know the relationship between Amanda and Spider. I liked the conversation between them and hope Spider will save himself. Hope no one allows Nancy to try to call O'Shea. Hope all the questionings go fast.
What does it mean that "The rooms were fish bowls."?
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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I guess I didn't know the relationship between Amanda and Spider. I liked the conversation between them and hope Spider will save himself. Hope no one allows Nancy to try to call O'Shea. Hope all the questionings go fast.
What does it mean that "The rooms were fish bowls."?
Comment Written 11-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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HI, Helen... Never heard the phrase my life's a fish bowl? It means every one can see everything (glass and no where to hide).
Amanda was O'Shea's girlfriend and accountant...She knew that Spider was being framed as a kid...she was afraid and didn't do anything about it...
Smiles, Carol
Comment from lancellot
Amazing how much your story or would it be better to call it novel or novella now, has progressed. Great emotion in words and actions. Good contrast with feds too.
Well written.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Amazing how much your story or would it be better to call it novel or novella now, has progressed. Great emotion in words and actions. Good contrast with feds too.
Well written.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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It is amazing lancellot... It was supposed to be a two or three page thing...it got a life and now I keep trying to catch up with it. I am pleased that you thought I did a good job of expressing everyone's emotions. Thank you for stopping by...Smiles, Carol
Comment from tfawcus
Vividly drawn characters and some great dialogue. I especially liked the laconic style of the police officer. It sounds as though this Nancy broad is quite some girl!
Just a couple of minor nits I noticed:
Susan smiled sheepishly, "We got home from the beach late." [Period rather than a comma after 'sheepishly'.]
He dusted his pant legs with his hand. {I haven't seen 'pant' used in the singular like this before. Maybe it's an Americanism. We would say 'the legs of his pants'.]
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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Vividly drawn characters and some great dialogue. I especially liked the laconic style of the police officer. It sounds as though this Nancy broad is quite some girl!
Just a couple of minor nits I noticed:
Susan smiled sheepishly, "We got home from the beach late." [Period rather than a comma after 'sheepishly'.]
He dusted his pant legs with his hand. {I haven't seen 'pant' used in the singular like this before. Maybe it's an Americanism. We would say 'the legs of his pants'.]
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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Thanks for your suggestions and kind review. I have made the corrections and appreciate you catching them for me. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
At long last! Can't wait to see who caves first. I'm going to sit back and enjoy this show-Down/come-UPpance. Brilliant work all around--every bit as good as published crime books.
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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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At long last! Can't wait to see who caves first. I'm going to sit back and enjoy this show-Down/come-UPpance. Brilliant work all around--every bit as good as published crime books.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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thanks Liz...You flatter me... but keep it up! I appreciate your review and especially the part about being as good as a published crime book. What a wonderful thought to end my night on...Thanks! Smiles, Carol
Comment from Leann DS
excellently written. As always, realistic dialogue and great details.
I thought I was following along fine, but with all these people in the cubicles waiting to be interrogated, I'm really confused about which person played which part. Maybe it's coming in the next couple chapters, the explanations, or maybe I should already know this. I'm not really sure at this point.
I noticed two errors for your review, as follows:
"Ma'am, this way, please." The officer pointed toward the doorway where everyone else had disappeared behind.
* the doorway behind which everyone else had disappeared.
Back at Rotello trucking, Peter sat at his desk holding a blue box with exquisite wrapping paper and sparkling bows. He couldn't image
* imagine
I hope this is helpful. Well done, my friend. Hugs and blessings always.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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excellently written. As always, realistic dialogue and great details.
I thought I was following along fine, but with all these people in the cubicles waiting to be interrogated, I'm really confused about which person played which part. Maybe it's coming in the next couple chapters, the explanations, or maybe I should already know this. I'm not really sure at this point.
I noticed two errors for your review, as follows:
"Ma'am, this way, please." The officer pointed toward the doorway where everyone else had disappeared behind.
* the doorway behind which everyone else had disappeared.
Back at Rotello trucking, Peter sat at his desk holding a blue box with exquisite wrapping paper and sparkling bows. He couldn't image
* imagine
I hope this is helpful. Well done, my friend. Hugs and blessings always.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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Fixed the typo and the extra word...Thanks for your suggestions and for the review. I appreciate everything you do. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
Wow, you've done an excellent job on this one, Carol, capturing all the personalities and their emotions. The dialogue real, and you've left us waiting for more. â?¤ï¸?ð?¤?
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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Wow, you've done an excellent job on this one, Carol, capturing all the personalities and their emotions. The dialogue real, and you've left us waiting for more. â?¤ï¸?ð?¤?
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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Thanks Judy... it's tougher than I thought to tie all these weirdos together and make it seem real. I truly appreciate your review and the fact you think I did it correctly. The shiny stars are an awesome bonus. What a way to say good night!!! Thanks....Carol
Comment from eliz100
This is a powerful installment. The plan did come together and you described it beautifully. This installment moved your story along nicely. There is no room for improvement. The picture matches the story. Toward the end, "He couldn't image who might have sent this. Does imagine work better?
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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This is a powerful installment. The plan did come together and you described it beautifully. This installment moved your story along nicely. There is no room for improvement. The picture matches the story. Toward the end, "He couldn't image who might have sent this. Does imagine work better?
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
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Yes, it was suppose to be imagine but I don't know how to type LOL. Thanks for the awesome review and the shiny stars...You make me feel like I just might get this whole thing right. Awesome! Smiles, Carol
