Heart Crafted Poems -2021
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Such A Long Journey"Musings of an old man -2021
25 total reviews
Comment from Senyai
Hi JLR,
This is so beautiful! Only a sheer mountain can stand there in her "awesomeness"
and without a word, command such respect. To climb her is almost sacred if not actually so.
I felt the majestic strength of her rock face, and your desire to climb it and bond with that lovely and frightful mountain.
Lovely.
All the best,
Senyai
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Hi JLR,
This is so beautiful! Only a sheer mountain can stand there in her "awesomeness"
and without a word, command such respect. To climb her is almost sacred if not actually so.
I felt the majestic strength of her rock face, and your desire to climb it and bond with that lovely and frightful mountain.
Lovely.
All the best,
Senyai
Comment Written 11-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Your kind words resonate clearly, thank you for your review and and perspective on my free verse !
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You are very welcome :-)
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I liked the way you have described life to the life and then to a woman. Both pose problems no doubt! Life is also navigating in a stormy sea.I liked reading this interesting poem. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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I liked the way you have described life to the life and then to a woman. Both pose problems no doubt! Life is also navigating in a stormy sea.I liked reading this interesting poem. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Seshardi, thank you 🙏
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Breathtaking! Lovely imagery and phrasing works well in free verse (I don't often say that!)
sugg:
hyphenate cloud-shrouded
use Caps (or not) for Her/She consistently--you vary throughout.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Breathtaking! Lovely imagery and phrasing works well in free verse (I don't often say that!)
sugg:
hyphenate cloud-shrouded
use Caps (or not) for Her/She consistently--you vary throughout.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Elizabeth thank, have polished it up. I appreciate you input. 🙏
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
The choice of free verse for your challenge poem worked well. I enjoyed reading it. I like the comparison of climbing the mountain to the to with that of the ups and downs of one's life. You did a good job formatting your lines--the read smoothly with great imagery.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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The choice of free verse for your challenge poem worked well. I enjoyed reading it. I like the comparison of climbing the mountain to the to with that of the ups and downs of one's life. You did a good job formatting your lines--the read smoothly with great imagery.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Jan, thank you for your review and comments, 🙏
Comment from Boogienights
A terrific poem that tells of a journey about to be completed and the importance of the journey. I love how you used personification to describe the mountain like a beautiful woman. Well done, thanks for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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A terrific poem that tells of a journey about to be completed and the importance of the journey. I love how you used personification to describe the mountain like a beautiful woman. Well done, thanks for sharing. :)
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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The pleasure is in thanking you for your review. 🙏
Comment from elchupakabra
I think for a free verse I would remove the spacing between the different parts, it reads as an ABAB and then switches rhyme schemes here and there but I think it would be more free flowing as one long piece. Good work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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I think for a free verse I would remove the spacing between the different parts, it reads as an ABAB and then switches rhyme schemes here and there but I think it would be more free flowing as one long piece. Good work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Thanks for your review.
Comment from Sharon Davis
An engaging free verse, for the picture this challenge.
The comparisons between age and longstanding mountain are effective.
Enjoyable read.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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An engaging free verse, for the picture this challenge.
The comparisons between age and longstanding mountain are effective.
Enjoyable read.
Nice job.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Thank you Sharon, be well! 🙏
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Such A Long Journey
by JLR
Interesting picture this Free Verse challenge and entry. I think it's about mother nature and/or a woman...maybe both. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Such A Long Journey
by JLR
Interesting picture this Free Verse challenge and entry. I think it's about mother nature and/or a woman...maybe both. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Thank you, Have a great weekend!
As I stood gazing at the cloud-shrouded peak
In the foreground, not so far away,
I knew that the ascent would begin
with the ?morrows sunrise.
Such a long journey - finally ?
begins and ends with the ?morrows sunrise.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Is the mountain a metaphor? I'm not sure because the journey sounds so real. As here...
She is steep, lush with vegetation.
But, also she like me, we are worn over time
and weathered by the onslaught of
Mother Nature's temperament and tempest.
and here
Searching the depths of my very soul to find
that mystical connection that She has been
mysteriously sending.
That magnetic energy that brings me to her doorstep.
It sums up a journey as well as a life. Nice.
Ralf
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Is the mountain a metaphor? I'm not sure because the journey sounds so real. As here...
She is steep, lush with vegetation.
But, also she like me, we are worn over time
and weathered by the onslaught of
Mother Nature's temperament and tempest.
and here
Searching the depths of my very soul to find
that mystical connection that She has been
mysteriously sending.
That magnetic energy that brings me to her doorstep.
It sums up a journey as well as a life. Nice.
Ralf
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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It is wrap around first about the mountain - Her appearance and a persons destiny interwoven and crossing pathways in this life.
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Thanks.
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent extended metaphor is free verse. The final peak to climb of a life's journey that has been vast. The culmination to be the final peak.
Excellent use of imagery to detail this philosophical journey.
Thank you for sharing. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Excellent extended metaphor is free verse. The final peak to climb of a life's journey that has been vast. The culmination to be the final peak.
Excellent use of imagery to detail this philosophical journey.
Thank you for sharing. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 10-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Gloria, it I who thank you for your connection with the metaphor. 🙏
