The Animal Dance
A Children's Poem22 total reviews
Comment from MissMerri
Such a fun and clever poem! It tells a nice story and never do the lines seem forced because of the required opening letter. So smoothly you have written this, with meter and rhyme too. Nice job! Congratulations on the blue ribbon!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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Such a fun and clever poem! It tells a nice story and never do the lines seem forced because of the required opening letter. So smoothly you have written this, with meter and rhyme too. Nice job! Congratulations on the blue ribbon!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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Thank you, I'm so glad you like it. It's great to hear from you. :)
Comment from LJbutterfly
As a former early childhood teacher, I absolutely loved this alphabet poem. I could imagine it as a book which I would surely read to my class, pointing out the alphabet as I read. This is a great entry for the contest. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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As a former early childhood teacher, I absolutely loved this alphabet poem. I could imagine it as a book which I would surely read to my class, pointing out the alphabet as I read. This is a great entry for the contest. Best wishes.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
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That's an awesome compliment. I really like writing for children and have a series of poems called Penny by the sea. Check then out if you have time. Thanks again. :)
Comment from Chrissy710
Hi Mystery Author An excellent poem full of fun lines that rhymed and flowed flawlessly down the page What a picnic
Well done and good luck
Cheers Christine
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Hi Mystery Author An excellent poem full of fun lines that rhymed and flowed flawlessly down the page What a picnic
Well done and good luck
Cheers Christine
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Thank you for this exceptional review, it really made my night. It truly means a lot to me. :)
Comment from equestrik
This is a fun an imaginative write. I love your creativity and cleverness in doing a children's poem. I can well iagine the fun and antics of the animals an now children will as well.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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This is a fun an imaginative write. I love your creativity and cleverness in doing a children's poem. I can well iagine the fun and antics of the animals an now children will as well.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Thank you for this wonderful review. Have a great evening. :)
Comment from Pantygynt
X and Z are always the problem when the full alphabet has to be used to kick off each successive line. You skate ingeniously round the problem here especially with those primates on the xylophones, and where else to put them all but the zoo.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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X and Z are always the problem when the full alphabet has to be used to kick off each successive line. You skate ingeniously round the problem here especially with those primates on the xylophones, and where else to put them all but the zoo.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Hahaha...thank you! I had to look up X words because they really are hard to think of. Thank you for reading my poem. :)
Comment from Senyai
Hi,
Wow, this is the cutest poem! It tripped off my tongue with a playful canter. Your ability to keep the perfect rhythm throughout will keep children and adults enthralled. Such a cute piece for the ABC contest. Your picture chosen to accompany adds so much to the mood of this happy, finely penned work.
Good luck!
Senyai
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Hi,
Wow, this is the cutest poem! It tripped off my tongue with a playful canter. Your ability to keep the perfect rhythm throughout will keep children and adults enthralled. Such a cute piece for the ABC contest. Your picture chosen to accompany adds so much to the mood of this happy, finely penned work.
Good luck!
Senyai
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Thank you, you have officially made my day! I really appreciate it. :)
Comment from Bonnie Seach
Delightful. Entry ready. Kiddy ready, and I think the animals will love it too.
The artwork enhances the fun described in the story poem
Thank you for sharing. Very best wishes
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2021
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Delightful. Entry ready. Kiddy ready, and I think the animals will love it too.
The artwork enhances the fun described in the story poem
Thank you for sharing. Very best wishes
Comment Written 13-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2021
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Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed my poem. I really appreciate you taking time to read my poem and your nice comments. :)
Comment from Carol Clark2
This is a cute children's ABC poem for the contest. You chose good words for the beginning letters, and the story in the poem flows well. You've also done a good job on the rhymes. The picture is darling. Best wishes in the contest. Carol
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2021
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This is a cute children's ABC poem for the contest. You chose good words for the beginning letters, and the story in the poem flows well. You've also done a good job on the rhymes. The picture is darling. Best wishes in the contest. Carol
Comment Written 13-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2021
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Thank you for this nice review, I always appreciate it. :)
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You're welcome. I hope it does well in the contest. Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
This piece was such stinking fun! *smile* As I read along, I could absolutely see this as an illustrated children's book. It's imaginative and unique and ... sweet... and well, just fun.
I have offered some notes below. Some are to get rid of the 'all's that you've used throughout the piece. It's really good to try to avoid using the same word repeatedly, you know? So, you may hate my suggestions - and that's fine, but I would ask you to consider your own edits, instead?
Also, I've added a few suggestions for scansion - to make the meter flow a bit better. In those cases, I've usually placed your line next to the suggested edit so you can compare. Again, take my comments with a grain of salt and maybe use them as a jumping-off point if you don't like what I have to say.
Notes:
1.) Just then all the rabbits came with carrot cupcake treats,
--> Just then the furry rabbits came with carrot cupcake treats,
2.) Later on the wolves all came, they howled in delight,
--> Later on, the wolves would come...
--> Later on, the wolves snuck in,
3.) Quickly they all scurried as huge raindrops went kerplop!
--> Quickly critters scurried
4.) Rain didn't bother the badgers, the beavers liked it too,
--> Rain won't bother the badgers and the beavers liked it too,
5.) Then all the animals came out, the dance started anew,
--> Then every single one came out, the dance began anew,
6.) Which was (shared) by friendly bees, (now) don't you think that's funny?
7.) Zoos never would be as much fun, for this zany forest clan!
--> Zoos could never be such fun for a zany forest clan!
--> Zoos could never be such fun for zany forest clans!
--> the last one if you're okay with slant rhymes or rhymes that have an 's' on the end
That's it! I hope something may help. I think, so far, yours is one of the best I've seen. Good luck!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
This piece was such stinking fun! *smile* As I read along, I could absolutely see this as an illustrated children's book. It's imaginative and unique and ... sweet... and well, just fun.
I have offered some notes below. Some are to get rid of the 'all's that you've used throughout the piece. It's really good to try to avoid using the same word repeatedly, you know? So, you may hate my suggestions - and that's fine, but I would ask you to consider your own edits, instead?
Also, I've added a few suggestions for scansion - to make the meter flow a bit better. In those cases, I've usually placed your line next to the suggested edit so you can compare. Again, take my comments with a grain of salt and maybe use them as a jumping-off point if you don't like what I have to say.
Notes:
1.) Just then all the rabbits came with carrot cupcake treats,
--> Just then the furry rabbits came with carrot cupcake treats,
2.) Later on the wolves all came, they howled in delight,
--> Later on, the wolves would come...
--> Later on, the wolves snuck in,
3.) Quickly they all scurried as huge raindrops went kerplop!
--> Quickly critters scurried
4.) Rain didn't bother the badgers, the beavers liked it too,
--> Rain won't bother the badgers and the beavers liked it too,
5.) Then all the animals came out, the dance started anew,
--> Then every single one came out, the dance began anew,
6.) Which was (shared) by friendly bees, (now) don't you think that's funny?
7.) Zoos never would be as much fun, for this zany forest clan!
--> Zoos could never be such fun for a zany forest clan!
--> Zoos could never be such fun for zany forest clans!
--> the last one if you're okay with slant rhymes or rhymes that have an 's' on the end
That's it! I hope something may help. I think, so far, yours is one of the best I've seen. Good luck!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! My poem has improved one hundred fold because of your excellent suggestions. I've never won one of these kind of contests before( not for lack of trying) :). I might have a chance now. You are wonderful, such a terrific poet. I've fixed it and again thank you...I appreciate you more then you know. 🙂❤
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Oh, yay! I can never be sure how my comments will be received. Whew. Thanks and good luck!
Comment from Carlos' girl
This is a darling children's poem.that can be appreciated by adults too. Your color scheme and graphics are picture perfect. The length if the poem is nice. I feel like im there with your colorful descriptions. Good work.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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This is a darling children's poem.that can be appreciated by adults too. Your color scheme and graphics are picture perfect. The length if the poem is nice. I feel like im there with your colorful descriptions. Good work.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
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Thank you for this great review, it means a lot to me. :)
