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Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Their Backstory"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
11 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Very well written. It provides a look back for new readers and serves also as a sort on interlude. A chance for your characters to relax, laugh and look back at the journey they had.
reply by the author on 30-May-2021
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Very well written. It provides a look back for new readers and serves also as a sort on interlude. A chance for your characters to relax, laugh and look back at the journey they had.
Comment Written 29-May-2021
reply by the author on 30-May-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Bonnie Seach
Well written. Educational and intriguing. Living in the wild is far different from suburban life.
Legends and folklore are popular topics among a group around a fire in the evening.
Thanks for sharing
Best wishes
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Well written. Educational and intriguing. Living in the wild is far different from suburban life.
Legends and folklore are popular topics among a group around a fire in the evening.
Thanks for sharing
Best wishes
Comment Written 29-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Thank you for your engaged review. I'm glad you appreciated it.
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Best wishes
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Wishing you every success. Kindest regards
Comment from Jay Squires
" Then I started rummaging through her grody backpack..." [I've noticed in a lot of your dialogue you have an unnecessary space between the opening quotation mark and the first letter of the dialogue, as you've done here.]
It's you ladies' turn to tell about what you found." [unless it's part of the dialect, it should be, "It's YOUR ladies' turn ... etc."]
She knows these travelers are in distress."... [Liz, you have a problem with your use of the ellipsis (...). There are specific rules for the use of ellipses, and since you use them a lot, you probably should be aware of their correct use. Here is a link I find helpful in that regard: https://tinyurl.com/fakf5dax]
There was no one around within a great distance to be the source of the wafting of that familiar odor. ["within a great distance" just doesn't seem to fit. Quite simply, all you need to say is, "There was no one nearby who could have been the source of the wafting of that familiar odor."]
Linda understood, why she's dreamed of the angel. [Why do you have a comma after understood? A comma indicates a short pause. Why would you pause there?
She could envision her loved ones who have recently passed, [ ... her loved ones who HAD recently passed.]
They would be consumed by the horned serpent or the winded panther to resurrect renewed. [I believe you mean the WINGED panther, not the winded one. If I'm going to be chased by a panther, I sure hope he's winded! Another matter, you didn't close your quote after "renewed."
My encounter was with a murder of crows. [You have no starting quotation mark here.]
with white, not black feathers. [Also, no closed quotation mark here.]
I only saw that she had vanished, but had taken no other form. [I'm afraid this sentence's attribution doesn't make any sense at all. Why does the beginning of the dialogue only start AFTER this sentence? Why isn't this sentence included in it. Since I think you are having trouble with the application of quote marks, allow me again to offer a link to a site that has some very good material: https://tinyurl.com/k2rb29sa ]
Liz, I hope my suggestions above have helped you. I find it hard to find a balance between offering advice for areas that need attention, and robbing a person of their self confidence. You are a good story-teller. You merely need to brush up on some specific areas of punctuation. I would think only a half-hour or so of studying those two links (which you'll have to paste into your browser), should be enough to make your prose sparkle. Please accept my review in the manner it which it is intended. If it doesn't help you, may it least not harm you. Don't hesitate to get back with me on anything that's not clear.
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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" Then I started rummaging through her grody backpack..." [I've noticed in a lot of your dialogue you have an unnecessary space between the opening quotation mark and the first letter of the dialogue, as you've done here.]
It's you ladies' turn to tell about what you found." [unless it's part of the dialect, it should be, "It's YOUR ladies' turn ... etc."]
She knows these travelers are in distress."... [Liz, you have a problem with your use of the ellipsis (...). There are specific rules for the use of ellipses, and since you use them a lot, you probably should be aware of their correct use. Here is a link I find helpful in that regard: https://tinyurl.com/fakf5dax]
There was no one around within a great distance to be the source of the wafting of that familiar odor. ["within a great distance" just doesn't seem to fit. Quite simply, all you need to say is, "There was no one nearby who could have been the source of the wafting of that familiar odor."]
Linda understood, why she's dreamed of the angel. [Why do you have a comma after understood? A comma indicates a short pause. Why would you pause there?
She could envision her loved ones who have recently passed, [ ... her loved ones who HAD recently passed.]
They would be consumed by the horned serpent or the winded panther to resurrect renewed. [I believe you mean the WINGED panther, not the winded one. If I'm going to be chased by a panther, I sure hope he's winded! Another matter, you didn't close your quote after "renewed."
My encounter was with a murder of crows. [You have no starting quotation mark here.]
with white, not black feathers. [Also, no closed quotation mark here.]
I only saw that she had vanished, but had taken no other form. [I'm afraid this sentence's attribution doesn't make any sense at all. Why does the beginning of the dialogue only start AFTER this sentence? Why isn't this sentence included in it. Since I think you are having trouble with the application of quote marks, allow me again to offer a link to a site that has some very good material: https://tinyurl.com/k2rb29sa ]
Liz, I hope my suggestions above have helped you. I find it hard to find a balance between offering advice for areas that need attention, and robbing a person of their self confidence. You are a good story-teller. You merely need to brush up on some specific areas of punctuation. I would think only a half-hour or so of studying those two links (which you'll have to paste into your browser), should be enough to make your prose sparkle. Please accept my review in the manner it which it is intended. If it doesn't help you, may it least not harm you. Don't hesitate to get back with me on anything that's not clear.
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thank you for your constructive review. It because of support like yours, I have grown as a writer. I have noticed when I post on here, there is always an extra space as you have noted. I will attend to your suggestions.
Comment from palmart
I see your poem as a guidance in a dark room where you have a flashlight that points in different directions letting us (your readers) to watch and follow your directions. It really flows in reading allowing us to uncover the onion, layer by layer. Thanks for entertaining us and showing slowly the complexity of your characters. Great Job!
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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I see your poem as a guidance in a dark room where you have a flashlight that points in different directions letting us (your readers) to watch and follow your directions. It really flows in reading allowing us to uncover the onion, layer by layer. Thanks for entertaining us and showing slowly the complexity of your characters. Great Job!
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Wow. Thank you for your unique review. As you may know, a review of this quality are far & few between.
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Thank you so much for your reply, Liz!! You really made my day with your positive message!! Keep the same direction: You`ll reach far and wonderful objectives, Liz!! God Bless you!!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I like how you weave this book, ancient beliefs with new spins of civilization. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the next chapter.
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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I like how you weave this book, ancient beliefs with new spins of civilization. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the next chapter.
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. I hadn't even thought of the element you have observed. Thank you
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an interesting chapter, Liz. We seem to hear so many stories lately about shape-shifters, in fantasy writing. I was thinking that this was non-fiction, but now see that it's fiction. lol Looking forward to seeing where this is going.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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This is an interesting chapter, Liz. We seem to hear so many stories lately about shape-shifters, in fantasy writing. I was thinking that this was non-fiction, but now see that it's fiction. lol Looking forward to seeing where this is going.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. Kai Zita appeared to the ladies in ch. 15-17. You will understand more after checking out these chapters. One of the Native writers on here said her people have seen shape-shifters. Why not? Right?
Comment from aryr
Another great continuation chapter, Liz. I really enjoyed this one because it was a total recall of what the girls experienced with Kai Zita and the significance of the name. It certainly made more sense when Tommy explained the situation in more detail. Very well done and very much enjoyed.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Another great continuation chapter, Liz. I really enjoyed this one because it was a total recall of what the girls experienced with Kai Zita and the significance of the name. It certainly made more sense when Tommy explained the situation in more detail. Very well done and very much enjoyed.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for your endearing review. The meaning of the name just came as you know happens in our process of writing. As an author, I thought it was a unique name. It took on a whole other meaning as Liz thought out her experience.
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You are so welcome Liz, it is always the uniqueness that makes a name interesting, isn't it.
Comment from Valentina Tsoneva
I did not read the chapters before, but I enjoyed this one. The dialogue is dynamic, flows easily between the characters. Combining the names of the two women that Liz loved was a good hook. The description of the fortune teller is good, but you may want to include something a little different than the others, so the image differ than the stereotypes. It was good idea- her mother appearing as deer, but I would like more details. It's her mom - what was the deer look like and what did she do? Good job. Good luck.
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reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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I did not read the chapters before, but I enjoyed this one. The dialogue is dynamic, flows easily between the characters. Combining the names of the two women that Liz loved was a good hook. The description of the fortune teller is good, but you may want to include something a little different than the others, so the image differ than the stereotypes. It was good idea- her mother appearing as deer, but I would like more details. It's her mom - what was the deer look like and what did she do? Good job. Good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. If you were to read ch. 15-17 you will see the reason for what I wrote. There would be no need to write a review, just enjoy. If you want to read about Linda & Liz rescuing 10 Native teens from a trafficking operation. Again, no need for any reviews, just enjoy.
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Thank you very much! Sorry for the delayed reply- just moving to another place--and all the fun with packing and unpacking - still gong on...
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That is a deterrent for me to move & I will have to in a couple of years.
Comment from lyenochka
I remember the encounter with Kai Zita. I didn't know she was a combination of Liz's friend and her mother. Interesting spirit world encounters revisited.
Comments:
"First of all, when we found we stuck in our car (verb needed before "stuck")
Below the end quote and beginning quotes are missing:
resurrect renewed.
My encounter was
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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I remember the encounter with Kai Zita. I didn't know she was a combination of Liz's friend and her mother. Interesting spirit world encounters revisited.
Comments:
"First of all, when we found we stuck in our car (verb needed before "stuck")
Below the end quote and beginning quotes are missing:
resurrect renewed.
My encounter was
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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Thank you for your supportive review. The meaning of the name just came as you know happens in our process of writing. As an author, I thought it was a unique name. It took on a whole other meaning as Liz thought out her experience.
Comment from Pj Dennison
Linda, Liz and Tommy are family to me now. I've reading the previous chapter to catch up and I love them all. It does make me homesick when you talk about the rez, and the Indigenous culture. I love that you are not only a fantastic writer and author but you are a Storyteller. In my tribe, the Dine' (Navajo) Storyteller is a much honored and holy position to hold.
Not just anybody can be in that position. They have to be selected because they pass the traditional stories, knowledge about the traditional ways, the language and so much more down to the younger generations. Sometimes, the Storyteller works for the school systems on the rez.
We do this because our elders in their 80s, 90s and 100s are crossing over and taking with them the knowledge of the old ways and our language. Our language that was once considered extinct is taught in the rez schools now. Thank you (Ahéhee') for sharing your story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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Linda, Liz and Tommy are family to me now. I've reading the previous chapter to catch up and I love them all. It does make me homesick when you talk about the rez, and the Indigenous culture. I love that you are not only a fantastic writer and author but you are a Storyteller. In my tribe, the Dine' (Navajo) Storyteller is a much honored and holy position to hold.
Not just anybody can be in that position. They have to be selected because they pass the traditional stories, knowledge about the traditional ways, the language and so much more down to the younger generations. Sometimes, the Storyteller works for the school systems on the rez.
We do this because our elders in their 80s, 90s and 100s are crossing over and taking with them the knowledge of the old ways and our language. Our language that was once considered extinct is taught in the rez schools now. Thank you (Ahéhee') for sharing your story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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Thank you for your review & your praise. I'm reading about the Hopi predictions. The struggle with the same dilemma, losing the knowledge of the old ways. I am relieved your language is being taught in the rez schools. This is strong irony. Thank you for sharing this with me.
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You are welcome. The Hopi live on the Navajo rez. Those predictions are very interesting.
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This makes the book I'm reading called The Hopi Survival Kit even more meaningful.
