On the Edge of Deception Pg 41
Amanda's Life Hangs in the Balance16 total reviews
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
At this particular juncture, the detective and the PI can only speculate as to Ty's involvement. Finally, they may hear some reasonable explanation as to what he was doing in that stolen car. As for Amanda, it is clear as a bell that someone does not want her to be a witness. The story has gained much momentum.
Ralf
reply by the author on 31-May-2021
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At this particular juncture, the detective and the PI can only speculate as to Ty's involvement. Finally, they may hear some reasonable explanation as to what he was doing in that stolen car. As for Amanda, it is clear as a bell that someone does not want her to be a witness. The story has gained much momentum.
Ralf
Comment Written 31-May-2021
reply by the author on 31-May-2021
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Yes... Amanda's in trouble, and she's running scared. She wants to help, but she doesn't want to get killed either. Such a dilemma! Smiles, Carol
Comment from eliz100
This is another great installment. It was a good read from beginning to end, I do not see any room for improvement, The picture matches the story very well. Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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This is another great installment. It was a good read from beginning to end, I do not see any room for improvement, The picture matches the story very well. Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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thanks so much for stopping by and continuing to read. I appreciate the review and your thoughts. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Thank God they are still alive!! I think Amanda is a tough old lady and this will make her mad! Especially seeing as they hurt her lovely Tiny. Now we need Ty to remember, but he was stoned out of his mind, so that might not happen. I'm also banking on Spider to bring out his nice side, and I know he has one. Another great chapter, Carol, this story is becoming more and more nail-bitting. Well done again, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Thank God they are still alive!! I think Amanda is a tough old lady and this will make her mad! Especially seeing as they hurt her lovely Tiny. Now we need Ty to remember, but he was stoned out of his mind, so that might not happen. I'm also banking on Spider to bring out his nice side, and I know he has one. Another great chapter, Carol, this story is becoming more and more nail-bitting. Well done again, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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It's about to get tougher for some and explode on others... Can't seem to help myself. LOL Amanda can tell so much if she wants to. she grew up in that small town and knows much more than others think. smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
This isn't a good development. Amanda has been beaten to a pulp, and her dog Tiny may have a broken leg. Fearing for her life, I doubt that Amanda is willing to tell anything to the detective at this point. Beth is now back where she started. I hope Amanda makes it.
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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This isn't a good development. Amanda has been beaten to a pulp, and her dog Tiny may have a broken leg. Fearing for her life, I doubt that Amanda is willing to tell anything to the detective at this point. Beth is now back where she started. I hope Amanda makes it.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Amanda knows a lot about that small town. She grew up there ....something many of them forgot. If she gets stronger, she might strike back. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Iza Deleanu
No, poor Amanda and Tiny victims again. Man who ever is terrorizing that neighborhood must be caught and punished. I bet is the drug lord. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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No, poor Amanda and Tiny victims again. Man who ever is terrorizing that neighborhood must be caught and punished. I bet is the drug lord. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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We shall see...and I hope it is soon. I didn't like Amanda and Tiny getting beat up either. Smiles, Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Poor things! I had figured Tiny was probably injured, too, but was afraid of how bad it might be. Looks like they both just need some tender love and care. And some time away from the streets where things can get so dangerous. Good job.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Carol,
Poor things! I had figured Tiny was probably injured, too, but was afraid of how bad it might be. Looks like they both just need some tender love and care. And some time away from the streets where things can get so dangerous. Good job.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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I think all will end well and Amanda may reveal her past and the secrets. Thanks for the review. I appreciate it very much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Okay... I can breathe. Amanda and Tiny are both found and being treated.
I'd like to crawl between your lines and inflict serious reader's assault on Paco and Shorty...
Not that I'm wrapped in your story or anything...
(wink)
Now!
I'm worried about Ty!
Karenina
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Okay... I can breathe. Amanda and Tiny are both found and being treated.
I'd like to crawl between your lines and inflict serious reader's assault on Paco and Shorty...
Not that I'm wrapped in your story or anything...
(wink)
Now!
I'm worried about Ty!
Karenina
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Yes, Paco and Shorty are a mess and they need to get "what's for" especially Shorty. Hurting that old lady and the sweet little Tiny. I hated writing that chapter but it was necessary to get Amanda thinking. Smiles, Carol
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And it was SO much more intense than I'd imagined it would be! Amanda was not a very sympathetic character, but was coming around to see the light...(much like in real life!)---and these two (also like in real life) were there to stymie her best efforts... Very well written!--Karenina
Comment from Judy Lawless
I like the way you're slowly bringing the pieces together, Carol, and am happy that Amanda and Tiny are at least still alive. It will be interesting to see what Ty remembers and can tell Hank and Ric. We have to be patient, right? :) Great job.
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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I like the way you're slowly bringing the pieces together, Carol, and am happy that Amanda and Tiny are at least still alive. It will be interesting to see what Ty remembers and can tell Hank and Ric. We have to be patient, right? :) Great job.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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I think Ty will bring something to the table, but my bet is on Spider and Amanda to let the "cat" out the bag... Still a few surprises! Thanks so much for your review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's great to start off my day with another chapter of your story from the "Wild and Wonderful Worlds of Carol." Never knowing what you might come up with next. The twists and turns that keep me glued to my seat and wanting more. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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It's great to start off my day with another chapter of your story from the "Wild and Wonderful Worlds of Carol." Never knowing what you might come up with next. The twists and turns that keep me glued to my seat and wanting more. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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I am about to hang a few people I think... Payback! Reminds me that nothing is a secret forever. Let my witch's brew beginning to bubble. thank you as always for putting a bright smile on my face.. It was drooping a bit at the corners this morning. LOL thought I might have to go to the garage and get a winch... or super glue.
Have a great day! Time for me to do some work. Oh that sounds so distasteful next to writing and joking with you. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
The story is moving, but your writing feels rushed. I'm seeing mistakes that you don't usually make. I'm not sure I caught them all. You seem to be falling back a lot on present participles, when active verbs would do better. I'd suggest letting it sit a couple days and then read it with new eyes.
Writing notes:
car's grill ==> grille
and he pressed on the brakes. -- Why not "and he braked"?
until the young man, and his ball returned safely to the curb. -- young man or child? -- need comma after ball
first things first, he needed -- suggest new sentence with "He needed")
Climbing the front porch steps, Hank knocked on the door. -- dangling participle ==> Hank climbed the front porch steps and knocked on the door.
Instinct told Hank something might be wrong. -- might be, or was?
back porch, peered ==> porch and peered
"Wow! Can she tell you what happened?" -- Wow doesn't seem appropriate. I think there'd be something stronger, probably an expletive.
After finding Amanda heavily sedated -- I think she would be in the ER, being evaluated and prepped for surgery on the jaw and arm. I don't think Ric and Hank would have access to her.
Hank shooked his head. ==> shook
"Sounds good. Max, meet Hank Armato. He's a ... -- need closing quotation marks
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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The story is moving, but your writing feels rushed. I'm seeing mistakes that you don't usually make. I'm not sure I caught them all. You seem to be falling back a lot on present participles, when active verbs would do better. I'd suggest letting it sit a couple days and then read it with new eyes.
Writing notes:
car's grill ==> grille
and he pressed on the brakes. -- Why not "and he braked"?
until the young man, and his ball returned safely to the curb. -- young man or child? -- need comma after ball
first things first, he needed -- suggest new sentence with "He needed")
Climbing the front porch steps, Hank knocked on the door. -- dangling participle ==> Hank climbed the front porch steps and knocked on the door.
Instinct told Hank something might be wrong. -- might be, or was?
back porch, peered ==> porch and peered
"Wow! Can she tell you what happened?" -- Wow doesn't seem appropriate. I think there'd be something stronger, probably an expletive.
After finding Amanda heavily sedated -- I think she would be in the ER, being evaluated and prepped for surgery on the jaw and arm. I don't think Ric and Hank would have access to her.
Hank shooked his head. ==> shook
"Sounds good. Max, meet Hank Armato. He's a ... -- need closing quotation marks
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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Thank you once again for taking me to school. I guess I really messed up this chapter. I knew my head hasn't been on straight the last few days, but so many are pressing for me to write faster. I need to stop and take control... the story's important to me, and I want to give it my best. It's a good friend like you who pulls in my reins. Thanks...when the story is finally done, I will need to start from the beginning again, I guess, and add more description. I notice depending on my mood, I write as two different people. Either I'm flourishing with description or flying by with dialogue. Yuck! Fixes made but I am angry with myself. Guess I'll take a break and work outside... clear my head. Smiles, Carol
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I always edit myself a lot. Often dozens of times. Once done, you'll want to go back through with new eyes. The story and characters are great, but I do think you are distracted right now. The muse will come back to your shoulder and hold the course at steady. I'm sure of that, because you write so well, even under stress. We are all so wrapped up in it, that we want more. But don't let our demand for speed, outweigh your own standards of quality. We can wait, even if we're impatient. That's our problem NOT yours.
