On the Edge of Deception Pg 40
Trying to bend the rules to suit....16 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Thank goodness I have another part to read, Carol, you certainly don't like giving your good characters an easy time, do you? I'm so sorry I'm all out of sixes, I just never have enough. I'll save you one of Sundays. This was awful, and I hope that Spider has some good in him that he'll go and sort that thug out. I hope she won't die, and that poor faithful, couragous dog! I hope he's just knocked out. Off to read the next one now. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Thank goodness I have another part to read, Carol, you certainly don't like giving your good characters an easy time, do you? I'm so sorry I'm all out of sixes, I just never have enough. I'll save you one of Sundays. This was awful, and I hope that Spider has some good in him that he'll go and sort that thug out. I hope she won't die, and that poor faithful, couragous dog! I hope he's just knocked out. Off to read the next one now. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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I'm laughing.... sometimes I think my head says why should they have it so easy when I must struggle with life ... not a nice person am I? I hated this chapter but it was a necessary evil. smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
This was a horrible episode...written extremely well. I'm looking forward to getting back to the courtroom, but I'm enjoying the suspense, action, and twists and turns in the mean time. Each captivating episode maintains the reader's interest from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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This was a horrible episode...written extremely well. I'm looking forward to getting back to the courtroom, but I'm enjoying the suspense, action, and twists and turns in the mean time. Each captivating episode maintains the reader's interest from beginning to end.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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It was one of the most difficult chapters to write.. I had to rewrite it at least four times trying to make it real without too much reality. Thanks for your review. smiles, Carol
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Poor Amanda, wanted to do something good and being punished for it. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings this was a painful read because of the the violence but necessary for the story.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Poor Amanda, wanted to do something good and being punished for it. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings this was a painful read because of the the violence but necessary for the story.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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I hated writing this chapter, Iza. But like you said I needed it for the story. Thanks for stopping by and reviewing. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
I'm wondering if this will make Amanda more determined, to tell the truth, or will she be too frightened. Unfortunately, it will be obvious that she has been "a tampered witness" with the proof glaringly obvious.
Ralf
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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I'm wondering if this will make Amanda more determined, to tell the truth, or will she be too frightened. Unfortunately, it will be obvious that she has been "a tampered witness" with the proof glaringly obvious.
Ralf
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Amanda has let life move wherever it wandered, but they made a big mistake hurting her one constant...Tiny. She'll think long and hard about letting Paco and Shorty get away with it. There's so much hidden in her past since she grew up in the small town. Smiles, Carol
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aha, the plot thickens.
Ralf
Comment from karenina
Oh no. You set it up and I tried to brace myself...
Egads! You had me cringing...
Written with sustained tension throughout, gripping and intense.
Wish I could give every one of your "On The Edge" posts a six...
Definitely going to leave six here!
Bravo!
So really evil...
So great A write!
Karenina
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Oh no. You set it up and I tried to brace myself...
Egads! You had me cringing...
Written with sustained tension throughout, gripping and intense.
Wish I could give every one of your "On The Edge" posts a six...
Definitely going to leave six here!
Bravo!
So really evil...
So great A write!
Karenina
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Affrimation is truly appreciated on this chapter. I will happily accept all your virtual sixes with pride and the feeling of accomplishment. I was told the story was slowing and I got nervous. I am not good at finding the write amount of evil vs good when I first write something... I don't have that blood and guts stuff... but I am happy when the reader says they cringed. LOL smiles and hugs my sweet.
You've made my day! but then when don't you? Love ya, Carol
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I could never write like you do... Something short, maybe, but YOU know just the right balance of high tension and dramatic chapters with character building chapters...and that's a skill, I think, you should take great pride in! YOU are much better at it than you give yourself credit for!--I was cringing! For sure! In the best possible way!--Karenina
Comment from Susan Newell
I like the way you are moving the story. I have a feeling Tiny's bite will be relevant. I hope the vet can save him. I also don't think Amanda will respond as expected. She's turning out to be a lot more than a reclusive neighbor. I am a little surprised that Spider didn't take care of it himself.
Writing notes:
Depending on your needs, the area was an over-flowing buffet, from junkies to the homeless, the desperate, the young bloods trying to make their mark in life to the poor and defenseless; it was there. -- This seems awkward, and I'm not sure what to suggest. Delete the first clause? Add "to" before the "the desperate" and "the young bloods?" Comma after life?
roach-infested flat. -- I think of a flat as one apartment. Do you mean tenement?
as if it was a toy ==> were
before snuffing it out in a rusted can filled with sand. -- nice detail
blocking most of it out. -- blocking out most of it?
She'd held steadfast and kept her mouth shut if it hadn't been for Beth. ==> She'd have held -- Was it really concern for Beth, or fear of losing Tiny? That seemed to be the motivation in jail. Perhaps there needs to be something about Beth moving her more than she realized.
and not ashamed of flaunting her ==> not be ashamed
dog hurried through the door, abruptly stopping. ==> then stopped abruptly (Can't hurry and stop at the same time.)
his flailing fist into Amanda's head -- you used "flailing" for Amanda above. Better to use something more like "targeted" for Shorty's action? Did he use just one fist?
The scene screamed, "Mission accomplished." -- I'm not thrilled with this line. I understand that the result will not be as they expected, but maybe a short paragraph stating that Paco and Shorty felt that way would be better.
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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I like the way you are moving the story. I have a feeling Tiny's bite will be relevant. I hope the vet can save him. I also don't think Amanda will respond as expected. She's turning out to be a lot more than a reclusive neighbor. I am a little surprised that Spider didn't take care of it himself.
Writing notes:
Depending on your needs, the area was an over-flowing buffet, from junkies to the homeless, the desperate, the young bloods trying to make their mark in life to the poor and defenseless; it was there. -- This seems awkward, and I'm not sure what to suggest. Delete the first clause? Add "to" before the "the desperate" and "the young bloods?" Comma after life?
roach-infested flat. -- I think of a flat as one apartment. Do you mean tenement?
as if it was a toy ==> were
before snuffing it out in a rusted can filled with sand. -- nice detail
blocking most of it out. -- blocking out most of it?
She'd held steadfast and kept her mouth shut if it hadn't been for Beth. ==> She'd have held -- Was it really concern for Beth, or fear of losing Tiny? That seemed to be the motivation in jail. Perhaps there needs to be something about Beth moving her more than she realized.
and not ashamed of flaunting her ==> not be ashamed
dog hurried through the door, abruptly stopping. ==> then stopped abruptly (Can't hurry and stop at the same time.)
his flailing fist into Amanda's head -- you used "flailing" for Amanda above. Better to use something more like "targeted" for Shorty's action? Did he use just one fist?
The scene screamed, "Mission accomplished." -- I'm not thrilled with this line. I understand that the result will not be as they expected, but maybe a short paragraph stating that Paco and Shorty felt that way would be better.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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Smiles and good morning... I have read and adjusted per your suggestions of course. Thanks for seeing what I don't see as I write. I appreciate the help as always.
Hope all is going better. How is your friend, your hubby and you? thinking of you as always, Carol
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Good morning, Carol. Friend has been in and out of hospital. Still needs multiple surgeries. It's hard to assess true status. Hubby and I are doing fine, given chronic maladies. How is your son's film doing? I still need to go to Amazon and buy it. We've had a lot going on here. That's also why I haven't been writing much. I'm trying to wrap up a list of must-dos, juggle doc appointments, deal with ever-changing Covid rules, etc. We've had some nice weather, but are in a drought. Our brook is dry.
Comment from lyenochka
Man, you're not done with the violence yet? Yikes! You really do need a warning on this one. I think you've just about killed another dog and readers don't like violence to animals either. Sigh. Sure hope Amanda is stronger than any expected and where's than Hank? Where's witness protection?
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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Man, you're not done with the violence yet? Yikes! You really do need a warning on this one. I think you've just about killed another dog and readers don't like violence to animals either. Sigh. Sure hope Amanda is stronger than any expected and where's than Hank? Where's witness protection?
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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It's the world we live in unfortunately... It has a difficult chapter to write but I felt a necessary one. Yes, It was harder to write about Tiny than Amanda. I am a fur baby mommy forever and couldn't hurt one hair on them... I needed Amanda to speak up and protect Tiny..she wouldn't care a lot about herself but she will her pup. Smiles, Carol
Comment from royowen
I wonder now how Amanda will respond to this, I suspect the horrid treatment of her dog will enrage her enough to avenge her dog's treatment, or will she be so scared she wont testify. My guess she will stand up and be counted, with protection of course. Well done Carol, not easy to describe action scenes, but you've done fine, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-May-2021
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I wonder now how Amanda will respond to this, I suspect the horrid treatment of her dog will enrage her enough to avenge her dog's treatment, or will she be so scared she wont testify. My guess she will stand up and be counted, with protection of course. Well done Carol, not easy to describe action scenes, but you've done fine, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-May-2021
reply by the author on 23-May-2021
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It was a very difficult chapter for me to write. I struggle and rewrote numerous times. I hope it came across right. Amanda has lived in the small town all her life and I am sure she knows all the skeletons hidden there. They should be terrified of her not visa versa. Smiles, Carol
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It was superb Carol, I have read many action scenes, and this was up there.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
A tour de force of terror--stunningly rendered start to finish. You nailed the interactions--graphic imagery is horrific!
Pace=>PACO stood menacingly close to
candlestick [OMIT holder]
reply by the author on 23-May-2021
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A tour de force of terror--stunningly rendered start to finish. You nailed the interactions--graphic imagery is horrific!
Pace=>PACO stood menacingly close to
candlestick [OMIT holder]
Comment Written 23-May-2021
reply by the author on 23-May-2021
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It was difficult for me to write her beating and poor Tiny's too. I don't have the brain connections for that kind of evil. I write and rewrite, hoping I come somewhere close. thanks for the review and suggestions. Fixed! Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Leann DS
Oh, no! Why did they have to go and hurt people?! I guess it makes sense with the character of these people. Sigh. Good chapter. I'm all nervous. Ha ha I hope Tonee is OK.
reply by the author on 23-May-2021
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Oh, no! Why did they have to go and hurt people?! I guess it makes sense with the character of these people. Sigh. Good chapter. I'm all nervous. Ha ha I hope Tonee is OK.
Comment Written 23-May-2021
reply by the author on 23-May-2021
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He is off to the police vet and I am sure they will take extra good care of him. Amanda is at the hospital and I can't wait till she is able to talk. She's lived in the small town all her life, minding her own business, but I bet she has lots of information and knows where the skeletons are hid if she choices to share. Smiles, Carol
