Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

This Chapter of the huge Supernatural Fiction / Novel speaks in continuation about dinner in part in a free flow of thoughts, appealingly and thru nice dialogues, ends with wish of love; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 19-May-2021

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reply by the author on 20-May-2021

Thank you, Alcreator :)

It's always a pleasure to hear from you. I appreciate all the kind words and encouraging review.

Sincerely,
Shana :)

Comment from royowen

Exceptional

So it's finally out, the Shadow is being betrayed by Joseph, to probably the only person he could possibly do that with, Carrie, after telling her it's background, how his father had killed his mother, he'd burned down the house with his father in it. But now he confesses his love for Carrie prevents him from hurting. But this is ultimate grace...almost, beautifully written dear girl, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 18-May-2021

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reply by the author on 19-May-2021

Thank you dear friend :)
It's finally starting to come together now. And I'm going to be honest. As I write this story, I really don't know how each puzzle has fit together like it has. I have an idea as I go along, but I really believe God is guiding me through my stories. Does that sound crazy?
Thanks for all your encouragement along the way. It means the world to me. I'm not sure if I will keep adding all the chapters in FanStory, but I will leave it to a higher power. :)

Always your fan and friend,
Shana :)

reply by royowen on 19-May-2021

You?re doing well dear girl, just listen to Him

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Shana,

Nice, intense chapter. I love the fact that he's letting her in on what's going on with him. It drives me NUTS in so many shows or books when one simple conversation could eliminate a million issues and the writers just keep people apart and arguing or whatever because they want to string along the reader/viewer.

I like your creative attention to detail in your work, and I really like the stories that feature the Shadow. He's soooo creepy!

Notes, if I ma:
1.) Joseph quickly got to his feet with his hand shielding his face and stumbled backward until he hit the wall.
--> Shielding his face, Joseph jumped to his feet but stumbled, hitting the wall.
--> Shana, action scenes or quick moments like this should MOVE quickly - you can show that by using shorter, more abrupt sentences to make the reader move faster, which will get them caught up in the faster pace of the moment.

2.) "Please..." he said in a raspy, distorted voice.
--> who said this?

3.) He fell against the wall, shaking his head.
--> as far as the reader knows, he's been against that wall the whole time...

Thanks, nice work!

 Comment Written 18-May-2021

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reply by the author on 19-May-2021

Thank you so much, Robyn :)

Your advice is so helpful. I really appreciate this. I remember you helped me once before and it made a difference with my story. This is why I enjoy FanStory. Although I don't get very many reviews, it's ones like yours that make it all worthwhile.

Sincerely,
Shana :)

reply by robyn corum on 19-May-2021

I bet one of the problems with few readers is that your chapters LOOK long. I would recommend putting the word count in the description - or that second line, whatever it is. You have so much info at the bottom, it takes up space and makes it looooook like a longer read. That would help, as long as you're keeping your chaps around 1200 or under. Good luck! I'll try to stop in more often, too. Hugs-

reply by the author on 20-May-2021

Thanks for the helpful tip. I will try that.

Comment from AJ McCall

Exceptional

WHAT? No, no, no! This STUPID SHADOW THING IS INSANE!!! Why can't the Shadow just leave Joseph alone?! It's ruining his LIFE! And his relationship with Carrie, but she's an understanding and kind person a heart. I hope she tells her uncle so that the Breedline Covenant can help him get rid of THAT THING!

You must think I'm crazy when I write these types of reviews, LOL. But I just jump right into the story and with the character before the end of the chapter. Didn't spot any typos, so... can't wait to read the next chapter! Please post soon, I gotta know what happens!!!

 Comment Written 18-May-2021

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reply by the author on 18-May-2021

Thank you, AJ :)

I adore your reviews. They are so honest and fun to read.
Yes I agree. The Shadow is so evil and horrible to Joseph. I promise, it will all come together and the pieces of the puzzles will come together. I can give you a hint. Carrie and Joseph were destined to meet for a reason. God sent the Angel of holy fire to save her when she was a child. That's all I can say. :)

Thanks so much for the great review. Your kind words lifted my spirits high today.

Hugs,
Shana :)

reply by AJ McCall on 18-May-2021

Aww, you're welcome, Shana!!!

Ooh? Really? Well, now I want to read it EVEN MORE!! lol.