Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The First Cut is the Deepest"Shenanigans on the frontier
26 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
This is my first peek at your story, but I enjoyed the dramatic incident you describe here. The characters are well delineated, I will accept the colloquial language (mostly) and I don't notice any spag to speak of.
A couple of point which have caused me to drop a star from your rating. I said the language used was Ok but I find it a little unlikely that, given the situation, Roseanna should criticise Janie's bad grammar. Even more unlikely is the faultless English spoken by Mighty Beaver. Of course I might have missed an earlier part of the book where he received a grammar school education?
There's also a tendency to tell, rather than show. A good example is the author interfering to say "Mighty Beaver had a thought." That sentence really adds nothing that a reader can't work out from the action that follows.
Good luck with getting your long story completed. It is a task I am not brave enough to attempt.
Steve
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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This is my first peek at your story, but I enjoyed the dramatic incident you describe here. The characters are well delineated, I will accept the colloquial language (mostly) and I don't notice any spag to speak of.
A couple of point which have caused me to drop a star from your rating. I said the language used was Ok but I find it a little unlikely that, given the situation, Roseanna should criticise Janie's bad grammar. Even more unlikely is the faultless English spoken by Mighty Beaver. Of course I might have missed an earlier part of the book where he received a grammar school education?
There's also a tendency to tell, rather than show. A good example is the author interfering to say "Mighty Beaver had a thought." That sentence really adds nothing that a reader can't work out from the action that follows.
Good luck with getting your long story completed. It is a task I am not brave enough to attempt.
Steve
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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thanks for reading. Mighty Beaver- Delaware Warrior, funny sense of humor. Longtinme hunting partner of Sinclair's. Attended white schools.
Comment from Deborah Mosher
I loved this. I would read more of this if I could. The descriptions were done well, and the dialogue was well written. The ending was slightly wild, but I loved it. Great job on this.
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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I loved this. I would read more of this if I could. The descriptions were done well, and the dialogue was well written. The ending was slightly wild, but I loved it. Great job on this.
Comment Written 20-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from lancellot
A well written chapter. I really liked that greener than grass line. I may borrow it in the future. Mighty Bear is also a mighty warrior. I am surprised he didn't kill Meeker, but without a hand, unconscious and no medical aid Lowry should die in minutes. I suspect the ladies heard the scream too.
Good work.
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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A well written chapter. I really liked that greener than grass line. I may borrow it in the future. Mighty Bear is also a mighty warrior. I am surprised he didn't kill Meeker, but without a hand, unconscious and no medical aid Lowry should die in minutes. I suspect the ladies heard the scream too.
Good work.
Comment Written 20-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you very much for the six stars especially this late in the week. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my book.
Comment from Mr. Green
I think your dialog is well written. The visual aspect of the story is also very good. I have only a couple of comments to make. It seemed like, there were a couple of places where the spacing between paragraphs might be looked at. Example: (1) In the dialog beginning with "Thunderation," which seems to be one person talking, and "Your Hair," is the beginning of another person talking. Then it goes back to the first person talking, in which they respond with "Well Yea." You might consider spacing the individual conversations. You did this in other dialogs so I don't think this was intentional. (2) Towards the end of the chapter in the paragraph where you write "Mighty Beaver had a thought..." This continues with "he dropped the knife in his right hand and juggled the tomahawk..." You might consider placing a comma after the word "hand," I think this might make it easier for the reader to visualize the action taking place. This is a very nice chapter, I will have to remember to come back and see how the story continues.
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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I think your dialog is well written. The visual aspect of the story is also very good. I have only a couple of comments to make. It seemed like, there were a couple of places where the spacing between paragraphs might be looked at. Example: (1) In the dialog beginning with "Thunderation," which seems to be one person talking, and "Your Hair," is the beginning of another person talking. Then it goes back to the first person talking, in which they respond with "Well Yea." You might consider spacing the individual conversations. You did this in other dialogs so I don't think this was intentional. (2) Towards the end of the chapter in the paragraph where you write "Mighty Beaver had a thought..." This continues with "he dropped the knife in his right hand and juggled the tomahawk..." You might consider placing a comma after the word "hand," I think this might make it easier for the reader to visualize the action taking place. This is a very nice chapter, I will have to remember to come back and see how the story continues.
Comment Written 20-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thanks for the editing tip. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from Ricky1024
I enjoyed this girl I used to read a lot of C. Lucas's work and it was all western writings.
This seems like a chapter in a book because you got characters listed they haven't come into this chapter.
Yeah I just checked up at the top of it it is.
Thanks Earl and have a blessed day.
Doctor Ricky1024
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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I enjoyed this girl I used to read a lot of C. Lucas's work and it was all western writings.
This seems like a chapter in a book because you got characters listed they haven't come into this chapter.
Yeah I just checked up at the top of it it is.
Thanks Earl and have a blessed day.
Doctor Ricky1024
Comment Written 20-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you very much for the six stars Dr. Ricky, especially this late in the week. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my book.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Your story is moving right along at a good clip. I don't remember meeting Janie Wolfe before. Mighty Beaver is an interesting character defending the women's honor. I don't quite believe a tomahawk could take off a person's hand in 1810. A metal hatchet might, and he could have gotten it from Doo. Looking forward to another chapter.
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Your story is moving right along at a good clip. I don't remember meeting Janie Wolfe before. Mighty Beaver is an interesting character defending the women's honor. I don't quite believe a tomahawk could take off a person's hand in 1810. A metal hatchet might, and he could have gotten it from Doo. Looking forward to another chapter.
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from Ulla
Yikes, that's pretty nasty what happened to his hand. It's a great western tale from the looks of it. It is also my first read, and I liked it, but I need to read more to get into the story. So far, well written. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Yikes, that's pretty nasty what happened to his hand. It's a great western tale from the looks of it. It is also my first read, and I liked it, but I need to read more to get into the story. So far, well written. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you very much Ulla. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from nomi338
Why are cowards also foolish enough to think that strength of numbers always compensates for lack of skill and a sense of right and wrong. The number of times a coward who thinks that just because he ahs a companion or two he is suddenly a superman and can do things that he normally could not do. News flash, you still cannot do it. These two got what was coming to them. I pray that the brave brave does not suffer prosecution as a result of his bold action.
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Why are cowards also foolish enough to think that strength of numbers always compensates for lack of skill and a sense of right and wrong. The number of times a coward who thinks that just because he ahs a companion or two he is suddenly a superman and can do things that he normally could not do. News flash, you still cannot do it. These two got what was coming to them. I pray that the brave brave does not suffer prosecution as a result of his bold action.
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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He won't suffer, trust me he has a bigger part to play. Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from Tpa
Since this is my first read into your story, I was lost to the nature of the connection between the women, but I did enjoy your action sequence and the words used in describing it. Very good.
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Since this is my first read into your story, I was lost to the nature of the connection between the women, but I did enjoy your action sequence and the words used in describing it. Very good.
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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I'm glad you took a chance and checked it out. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Interesting and like the Old West lingo. Bet he was pale from the blood loss and cut off hand. Will wait to see where this leads. Should be a good tale going forward.
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Interesting and like the Old West lingo. Bet he was pale from the blood loss and cut off hand. Will wait to see where this leads. Should be a good tale going forward.
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Stay tuned it's about to get wild. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
