When storm clouds gather
A Sedoka Poem for the club challenge13 total reviews
Comment from Senyai
Hi Kahpot,
Very enjoyable Sedoka to read. I liked your two concepts offered here as one is setting the stage of the second Katauta. Drought weary and dreaming of rain...
I am learning a lot of poetry forms on here lately.
Best wishes in the contest. Strong entry!
Best wishes,
Senyai
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
  |
Hi Kahpot,
Very enjoyable Sedoka to read. I liked your two concepts offered here as one is setting the stage of the second Katauta. Drought weary and dreaming of rain...
I am learning a lot of poetry forms on here lately.
Best wishes in the contest. Strong entry!
Best wishes,
Senyai
Comment Written 18-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
-
Thank you, and yes same here I am learning from all comments I receive, very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Sharon Davis
I really enjoyed this Sedoka poem. The image of children playing barefoot in the rain resonates effectively. Nicely composed. Good presentation. Great job.
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
|
I really enjoyed this Sedoka poem. The image of children playing barefoot in the rain resonates effectively. Nicely composed. Good presentation. Great job.
Comment Written 18-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
-
Thank you very much, I enjoyed trying this form again, glad you liked it, very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from TheTurtleDude
This is a nice Sedoka poem. You followed all rules of a Sedoka poem. The second one goes with the first pretty well too. Overall great poem.
Best Wishes,
TheTurtleDude
reply by the author on 18-May-2021
|
This is a nice Sedoka poem. You followed all rules of a Sedoka poem. The second one goes with the first pretty well too. Overall great poem.
Best Wishes,
TheTurtleDude
Comment Written 18-May-2021
reply by the author on 18-May-2021
-
Thank you for your wonderful comments and review, very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Wendy G
Yes, so right. And some of those little children have never seen rain! Your poem resonates and is very well thought through, with an excellent image and the different fonts. Well written. I enjoyed this one a lot.
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
|
Yes, so right. And some of those little children have never seen rain! Your poem resonates and is very well thought through, with an excellent image and the different fonts. Well written. I enjoyed this one a lot.
Comment Written 17-May-2021
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
-
Thank you very much for your wonderful and understanding comments, very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image
and presentation, kahpot.
-You wrote a very good poem
with good syllable count and topic.
-Effective images showing the
incoming storm clouds over arid land,
so there is hope.
-The transition is good with
the "drought weary farmer"
who pictures his children
playing in the rain.
-Well done.
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
|
-Very nice image
and presentation, kahpot.
-You wrote a very good poem
with good syllable count and topic.
-Effective images showing the
incoming storm clouds over arid land,
so there is hope.
-The transition is good with
the "drought weary farmer"
who pictures his children
playing in the rain.
-Well done.
Comment Written 17-May-2021
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
-
Thank you for your wonderful comments, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
-
You are very welcome, kahpot.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This skillfully and creatively written sedoka conveys an appealing message about rain, its significance. So many areas of life are enhanced or made possible by rain.
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
|
This skillfully and creatively written sedoka conveys an appealing message about rain, its significance. So many areas of life are enhanced or made possible by rain.
Comment Written 17-May-2021
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
-
Thank you very much, and yes rain will help for all generations, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from June Sargent
Two very different images emerge as words are read. The presentation of both stanzas highlighted against different backgrounds further emphasizes the opposing viewpoints. Both work together in this sedoka to offer hope. Well done!
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
 |
Two very different images emerge as words are read. The presentation of both stanzas highlighted against different backgrounds further emphasizes the opposing viewpoints. Both work together in this sedoka to offer hope. Well done!
Comment Written 17-May-2021
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
-
Wow! Thank you very much for your exceptional comments and six stars-so very encouraging, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Children never notice the weather as they have such a zest for life that they play in all kinds of weather, whereas farmers pray for rain to water the crops, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
|
Children never notice the weather as they have such a zest for life that they play in all kinds of weather, whereas farmers pray for rain to water the crops, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-May-2021
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
-
Thank you very much, yes I got it sort of after a few tries, as always thank you very much****kahpot
Comment from Jesse James Doty
These are excellent sedoka poems. I like the second one the best. I like, especially, the last line that goes, "...excited children forever playing in rain." Droughts are no laughing matter, and I know that the state of California is going through a drought right now, and we might have a terrible fire season this summer!
So, we here in California would love to see children playing in the rain!
Thank you for your share and for letting me share as well.
Have a great upcoming week,
Jesse
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
|
These are excellent sedoka poems. I like the second one the best. I like, especially, the last line that goes, "...excited children forever playing in rain." Droughts are no laughing matter, and I know that the state of California is going through a drought right now, and we might have a terrible fire season this summer!
So, we here in California would love to see children playing in the rain!
Thank you for your share and for letting me share as well.
Have a great upcoming week,
Jesse
Comment Written 17-May-2021
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
-
Thank you Jesse, yes I have been watching TV. and they have been showing quite a bit of the devastation over your way, please stay safe, and as always your wonderful comments are very much appreciated****kahpot
-
It's always a pleasure to read and review your work. And yes, I have been staying safe...thanks for your concern.
It is the coming season I am worried about. But again, I will stay as safe as I can to ward off the fires that plague my neck of the woods.
Have a great day, my friend,
Jesse
Comment from kiwisteveh
I enjoyed your sedoka, especially the strong contrast between the harsh reality and the dreamed-of better times.
A couple of thoughts - 'baked' is so strong that the following word 'arid' seems unnecessary. I wonder if you could use those two syllables more successfully.
Then in the second katauta the word 'forever' also seems a little surplus to requirements... How about 'playing barefoot in the rain'?
Steve
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
|
I enjoyed your sedoka, especially the strong contrast between the harsh reality and the dreamed-of better times.
A couple of thoughts - 'baked' is so strong that the following word 'arid' seems unnecessary. I wonder if you could use those two syllables more successfully.
Then in the second katauta the word 'forever' also seems a little surplus to requirements... How about 'playing barefoot in the rain'?
Steve
Comment Written 17-May-2021
reply by the author on 17-May-2021
-
Thank you very much Steve, I like learning and getting information about the different forms of poetry, I like playing barefoot and see what you mean about baked and arid, so very much appreciated****kahpot
