Wishing
A Puente poem for Potlatch Poetry25 total reviews
Comment from Raul1
I have enjoyed reading your piece of poetry. It's beautifully written. The sentences flow with clarity. I like your poetry. Excellent work! No mistakes. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
  |
I have enjoyed reading your piece of poetry. It's beautifully written. The sentences flow with clarity. I like your poetry. Excellent work! No mistakes. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 14-May-2021
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
-
Thank you for reviewing.
-
You're welcome
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image and
presentation.
-You wrote a very good poem.
-I like the topic, imagery, and rhyme,
along with a very good center line.
-I like the idea of wishing on wings,
and a "magic, mystic zone." I could
use one of those!
-I like the second stanza that shows
things can come true as long as
you believe they can.
-Well done.
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
|
-Nice image and
presentation.
-You wrote a very good poem.
-I like the topic, imagery, and rhyme,
along with a very good center line.
-I like the idea of wishing on wings,
and a "magic, mystic zone." I could
use one of those!
-I like the second stanza that shows
things can come true as long as
you believe they can.
-Well done.
Comment Written 14-May-2021
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
-
We can hope they do. Thanks so much, Pam.
-
You are very welcome, Yvonne! Here's to things coming true, at least once in a while😊
Comment from aryr
The picture was wonderful, Yvonne and your words were great. They showed that one has faith and believed in that faith. Very well done, nice rhyme noted.
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
|
The picture was wonderful, Yvonne and your words were great. They showed that one has faith and believed in that faith. Very well done, nice rhyme noted.
Comment Written 14-May-2021
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
-
Thank you. I can't resist making wishes on things like falling stars, wishing well, etc.
Comment from Pantygynt
I can see what is happening here and that it follows the the idea behind the Puente form but I am not sure about rhyming the 'bridge' with the last line of the first part. If you rhyme the bridge like that or, for hat matter with the first line of the second half in a way it ceases to perform its bridging role completely. It is a bit like a single bascule bridge when it is 'up' and the traffic cannot cross.
I feel that the bridge should be independent of either verse, or neutral as it were.
If it were mine I might have settled for:
~ and where they'll land we cannot guess ~
I liked the way you ended this with a penultimate iambic tetrameter, rhyming feminine (9 syllables) with a fully trochaic line of trochaic tetrameter (8 syllables). That works really well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
|
I can see what is happening here and that it follows the the idea behind the Puente form but I am not sure about rhyming the 'bridge' with the last line of the first part. If you rhyme the bridge like that or, for hat matter with the first line of the second half in a way it ceases to perform its bridging role completely. It is a bit like a single bascule bridge when it is 'up' and the traffic cannot cross.
I feel that the bridge should be independent of either verse, or neutral as it were.
If it were mine I might have settled for:
~ and where they'll land we cannot guess ~
I liked the way you ended this with a penultimate iambic tetrameter, rhyming feminine (9 syllables) with a fully trochaic line of trochaic tetrameter (8 syllables). That works really well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2021
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
-
Thank you for this in-depth review. I appreciate it. We need more reviews like this.
-
Thank you for that generous reaction to a slightly critical review.
-
I agree about the bridge. But the instructions called for rhyming it. When/if I write another, I will do it as we discussed. 8-)
Comment from judiverse
The is so beautifully expressed, and the rhyme and flow are excellent. I like the way you described the wishes floating upward, to somewhere unknown. Your second stanza is more optimistic. Sometimes those dreams do come true. If we have faith and hold on to our beliefs, that could happen. Great work. judi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
|
The is so beautifully expressed, and the rhyme and flow are excellent. I like the way you described the wishes floating upward, to somewhere unknown. Your second stanza is more optimistic. Sometimes those dreams do come true. If we have faith and hold on to our beliefs, that could happen. Great work. judi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2021
reply by the author on 14-May-2021
-
Thank you. I'd like to think that's true.
-
You're welcome. judi
