THE CURSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 64 "Dinner is Served/Part Two"The six book of the Novels of the Breedline
4 total reviews
Comment from Bonnie Seach
An interesting story. It does hold a reader's interest and instills eager anticipation for the next chapter.
Suggestions from top writers recommend: *paying attention to line and paragraph spacing.
*shortening dialogue sentencing so as not to repeat content unnecessarily
*shorter sentences highlight main points making them stand out
"How To" ideas are abundant via Google. Best wishes
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An interesting story. It does hold a reader's interest and instills eager anticipation for the next chapter.
Suggestions from top writers recommend: *paying attention to line and paragraph spacing.
*shortening dialogue sentencing so as not to repeat content unnecessarily
*shorter sentences highlight main points making them stand out
"How To" ideas are abundant via Google. Best wishes
Comment Written 10-May-2021
Comment from royowen
What has Carrie seen? Obviously the shadow is involved in this, passion must allow this malevolent being to overtake him. How can he say something that will affect the relationship? It doesn't seem possible, but I do know you have something cleverly consigned to this story, and look forward to it manifesting Shana, an exceptional piece of writing again, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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What has Carrie seen? Obviously the shadow is involved in this, passion must allow this malevolent being to overtake him. How can he say something that will affect the relationship? It doesn't seem possible, but I do know you have something cleverly consigned to this story, and look forward to it manifesting Shana, an exceptional piece of writing again, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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Thanks so much dear friend :)
So glad you liked the chapter. It seems other readers did not. I'm puzzled at the different opinions. Maybe this one was too long?
I guess the story isn't for everyone.
Thanks for uplifting my spirits with your kind words and generous review.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Nah it was fine, stories need a breather to form a launchpad for the next move Shana, don?t fret.
Comment from LadyD1
Sorry Hun I couldn't get through this the credibility factor is not there for me.
Coffee sounds great. A five minute chat about your main Character Carrie's roomie Jessica's not so great.
Your heroine Josephs suggestions " I've heard of this little café that's open twenty-four hour". Like it, like what I'm hearing safe environment to get to know each other.
Carries not happy wants to go back to her place . I'm really not feeling that. On top off that she's had some kind off altercation with men and crumbles at the trigger off men's bravado!!
Not credible for me and didn't keep me enthralled. She wants to jump his bones for the night or get to know him long term?
Set the scene next time where am I Walmart car park?! I don't know does Walmart have car parks I'm in the UK we don't have Walmart. What restaurant or food palour you at? Main road back street?
What's the weather like it's still light out at 8pm here what's Joseph concerned about getting enough beauty sleep or does he have a long ride home. He's jumping into Carries VW Beetle? He's got his own ride? Not keen on travelling home in the dark what's he thinking?
Paint me a picture in my mind Scongrove give me something to resonate on there is too much description and not enough feeling.
You got work to do. I like the Shadow thing you got going on. That aspect off the story is really good bit like the movie Venom.
Drag me on a picture story kicking and screaming, feels like things are about to warm up though!!
Carrie doesn't seem to be having much luck with men, ,she needs to check herself and wonder why!!
Having said that we've all been there ; what you don't know you don't know!! Right!
Great story line thanks for sharing.
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Sorry Hun I couldn't get through this the credibility factor is not there for me.
Coffee sounds great. A five minute chat about your main Character Carrie's roomie Jessica's not so great.
Your heroine Josephs suggestions " I've heard of this little café that's open twenty-four hour". Like it, like what I'm hearing safe environment to get to know each other.
Carries not happy wants to go back to her place . I'm really not feeling that. On top off that she's had some kind off altercation with men and crumbles at the trigger off men's bravado!!
Not credible for me and didn't keep me enthralled. She wants to jump his bones for the night or get to know him long term?
Set the scene next time where am I Walmart car park?! I don't know does Walmart have car parks I'm in the UK we don't have Walmart. What restaurant or food palour you at? Main road back street?
What's the weather like it's still light out at 8pm here what's Joseph concerned about getting enough beauty sleep or does he have a long ride home. He's jumping into Carries VW Beetle? He's got his own ride? Not keen on travelling home in the dark what's he thinking?
Paint me a picture in my mind Scongrove give me something to resonate on there is too much description and not enough feeling.
You got work to do. I like the Shadow thing you got going on. That aspect off the story is really good bit like the movie Venom.
Drag me on a picture story kicking and screaming, feels like things are about to warm up though!!
Carrie doesn't seem to be having much luck with men, ,she needs to check herself and wonder why!!
Having said that we've all been there ; what you don't know you don't know!! Right!
Great story line thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-May-2021
Comment from GE Parson
Whew! This is a long story....but interesting. Now I'v never won any spelling "B"s but I did not detect any mis-spelled words or bad gramer. Also I'm not the best critquer in the class, but I critque his write as above average. You are an excellent writer - keep it up.
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Whew! This is a long story....but interesting. Now I'v never won any spelling "B"s but I did not detect any mis-spelled words or bad gramer. Also I'm not the best critquer in the class, but I critque his write as above average. You are an excellent writer - keep it up.
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you, GE Parson :)
So thrilled you enjoyed the chapter. I usually don't put in long chapters like this one, I split them up but this was the only part I felt good about it. Your feedback definitely made my day. It's nice to get positive words of encouragement. I appreciate it!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
