Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Take Me to the River Part 2"Shenanigans on the frontier
21 total reviews
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I have missed a couple of earlier ones I think. But I enjoyed reading this as a stand-alone story. Just to get the hang of the American way of living and the tongue-in-cheek humour. The dialogues are smartly written. You have paced them to take the story forward. Thanks for sharing. Cheers!
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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I have missed a couple of earlier ones I think. But I enjoyed reading this as a stand-alone story. Just to get the hang of the American way of living and the tongue-in-cheek humour. The dialogues are smartly written. You have paced them to take the story forward. Thanks for sharing. Cheers!
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my poem.
Comment from Justin Yhoung
I really enjoyed the language used here.
It seems fit/adequate for the times; seems like something they would actually say, and the way they would actually say it...This is clearly portrayed by the way things are spelled. Furthermore, they are spelled as sounded, and thus it comes across as it should.
In addition, the names are awesome! Definitely sounds like fitting names for the times to reiterate.
I did not pay too much attention to what was going on however, to be honest, I was more profoundly taken aback and enjoyed the way this was formed.
The dialogue seemed fitting.
Perhaps next time I will pay more attention to the story, and I hope you do not take that the wrong way.
Lastly, to say once again, I truly enjoyed the way everything was spelled out. It tickled my fancy, you might say.
Thank you for making it clearer by using the spaces needed.
Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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I really enjoyed the language used here.
It seems fit/adequate for the times; seems like something they would actually say, and the way they would actually say it...This is clearly portrayed by the way things are spelled. Furthermore, they are spelled as sounded, and thus it comes across as it should.
In addition, the names are awesome! Definitely sounds like fitting names for the times to reiterate.
I did not pay too much attention to what was going on however, to be honest, I was more profoundly taken aback and enjoyed the way this was formed.
The dialogue seemed fitting.
Perhaps next time I will pay more attention to the story, and I hope you do not take that the wrong way.
Lastly, to say once again, I truly enjoyed the way everything was spelled out. It tickled my fancy, you might say.
Thank you for making it clearer by using the spaces needed.
Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my book.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Lots of bickering in this chapter, and very funny indeed:"Doo looked at the crew working on the tent and threw back his head and let loose a belly laugh.
"You get what you pay for, Smith."
Between watching the folly of the scum putting up his tent and Doo mispronouncing his name yet again, Godfrey became agitated.
"It's Smythe, you lout, and it would serve you well to say my name correctly or there will be consequences."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Lots of bickering in this chapter, and very funny indeed:"Doo looked at the crew working on the tent and threw back his head and let loose a belly laugh.
"You get what you pay for, Smith."
Between watching the folly of the scum putting up his tent and Doo mispronouncing his name yet again, Godfrey became agitated.
"It's Smythe, you lout, and it would serve you well to say my name correctly or there will be consequences."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my book.
Comment from juliaSjames
I enjoyed this chapter. You're very clever at letting your characters reveal their personalities through dialogue. I'm wondering how feisty Roseanna will react if or when the Indians attack.
Happy to follow your well written book
Stay safe healthy and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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I enjoyed this chapter. You're very clever at letting your characters reveal their personalities through dialogue. I'm wondering how feisty Roseanna will react if or when the Indians attack.
Happy to follow your well written book
Stay safe healthy and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you very much Julia. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my poem.
Comment from pome lover
I just happened on this and I'm gong to have to go back and see how it started.
Your list of characters sounds fascinating, as is this part of your story. I love "Swooping Eagle."
Well, back to part one. Need to see how Roseanna is kin to Doo.
Good dialogues, Earl.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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I just happened on this and I'm gong to have to go back and see how it started.
Your list of characters sounds fascinating, as is this part of your story. I love "Swooping Eagle."
Well, back to part one. Need to see how Roseanna is kin to Doo.
Good dialogues, Earl.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you very much Katherine. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my book.
Comment from Ben Colder
Sorry out of six, or I would have sent you one--good solid write. I have no problems understanding this write. When a yon man trapping among the Navajo, I met some old white trappers like these fellows.
Keep it rolling.
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Sorry out of six, or I would have sent you one--good solid write. I have no problems understanding this write. When a yon man trapping among the Navajo, I met some old white trappers like these fellows.
Keep it rolling.
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you very much Ben. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my poem.
Comment from GE Parson
Whew! hat is a long story but intresting. I found nothing correct in the way of spelling. As to suggesting a anything to improve your story, I don't know what it would be. You are a good story teller.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Whew! hat is a long story but intresting. I found nothing correct in the way of spelling. As to suggesting a anything to improve your story, I don't know what it would be. You are a good story teller.
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you very much. This is a book chapter if you want to check some more out. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from robyn corum
Earl,
Yet another fine chapter detailing all the fun to be had on the peaceful and calm frontier. I can't see why folks didn't head out there in DROVES. hehehe
One small question/thought. You were saying that Smythe was hoping to head out as soon as the last ferry landed, but also had him setting up a tent as if he was planning a more lengthy stay. That seemed to conflict in my mind.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Earl,
Yet another fine chapter detailing all the fun to be had on the peaceful and calm frontier. I can't see why folks didn't head out there in DROVES. hehehe
One small question/thought. You were saying that Smythe was hoping to head out as soon as the last ferry landed, but also had him setting up a tent as if he was planning a more lengthy stay. That seemed to conflict in my mind.
Thanks!
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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He wanted Doo and Clancy to head out and scout ahead. Thanks for reading and reviewing my book.
Comment from DentedSyke
You do a fine job of moving the story along. It's obvious that you are a skilled writer. I was a little surprised to see lines such as:
That was a non-starter and she knew it,
It gave him a warm and fuzzy feeling to see Carter backed down
The western vernacular of your characters is very good, but lines like this send a jarring note to me; they feel forced and out of time with their time. Still, this is a good read, and I commend you on your skill.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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You do a fine job of moving the story along. It's obvious that you are a skilled writer. I was a little surprised to see lines such as:
That was a non-starter and she knew it,
It gave him a warm and fuzzy feeling to see Carter backed down
The western vernacular of your characters is very good, but lines like this send a jarring note to me; they feel forced and out of time with their time. Still, this is a good read, and I commend you on your skill.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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When I was a kid if I was reading a western and a car appeared in it I quit reading it, so I guess I know how you feel about those two sentences. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
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You're a good writer, Earl. Keep writing!
Comment from Jay Squires
I have no problem with the frontier vernacular, Earl. It fit the characters and the setting to a tee. I love your writing voice. It's very easy to read and your characters and setting are vivid. Your dialogue is quite natural. I would like to see the thoughts melded in with the narrative rather than in italics. There's more of a seamless feeling when the writer describes one of the characters and then introduces the character's thought into that description. Let me know if I'm not clear on that.
I had a problem with one sentence. As an editor, I can tell you that magazines are sticklers for not allowing run-on sentences. See below:
"Carter, I would suggest you and Sinclair get ready to move, I want you two scouting ahead as soon as the last ferry gets across I want to get on the trail." [You have three sentences here, separated by commas, making for a huge run-on sentence. You definitely need a semicolon or a period after "move", and then a comma and an "and" after "ahead". Or make it a full period after "ahead", and have "As" start the last sentence.]
Still and all, you've written a heckuva great chapter, here, Earl.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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I have no problem with the frontier vernacular, Earl. It fit the characters and the setting to a tee. I love your writing voice. It's very easy to read and your characters and setting are vivid. Your dialogue is quite natural. I would like to see the thoughts melded in with the narrative rather than in italics. There's more of a seamless feeling when the writer describes one of the characters and then introduces the character's thought into that description. Let me know if I'm not clear on that.
I had a problem with one sentence. As an editor, I can tell you that magazines are sticklers for not allowing run-on sentences. See below:
"Carter, I would suggest you and Sinclair get ready to move, I want you two scouting ahead as soon as the last ferry gets across I want to get on the trail." [You have three sentences here, separated by commas, making for a huge run-on sentence. You definitely need a semicolon or a period after "move", and then a comma and an "and" after "ahead". Or make it a full period after "ahead", and have "As" start the last sentence.]
Still and all, you've written a heckuva great chapter, here, Earl.
Comment Written 06-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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I changed it around a little. Thanks for the editing tip. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my book.
