Choo Choo Trip
Loop poem for children18 total reviews
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Leann.
I enjoyed the story of the train trip. When I enjoyed the most was the fact that the train trip is occurring in a mall. There was no clue that until you reach the last stanza. It reminded me of a flash fiction where the last line resolves everything in the story.
Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Robert
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Hello Leann.
I enjoyed the story of the train trip. When I enjoyed the most was the fact that the train trip is occurring in a mall. There was no clue that until you reach the last stanza. It reminded me of a flash fiction where the last line resolves everything in the story.
Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Robert
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Thank you. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Your comments are much appreciated. Hugs.
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You're welcome.
Comment from damommy
What a delightful children's poem. Kids of all ages will love it. This one certainly did. Good use of looping words all through. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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What a delightful children's poem. Kids of all ages will love it. This one certainly did. Good use of looping words all through. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Thank you for that. This was tricky for me. I really appreciate your support and encouraging comments. Hugs.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Charming verse for children--Delightfully whimsical: chugga choo-choo and such. I can see putting these words to a catchy tune, kids will surely love this.
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Charming verse for children--Delightfully whimsical: chugga choo-choo and such. I can see putting these words to a catchy tune, kids will surely love this.
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Thank you. I appreciate your comments and review. Hugs.
Comment from AnnaLinda
Haha Leann,
Train trip round the mall. This is a difficult form...with that rhyme scheme added to the loop. You did a fantastic job on this.
My only suggestion is to lighten up the background color so as to see the words better.
So funny that my husband was a conductor on the Dutch railway for over 32 years.
You are so talented.
AnnaLinda
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Haha Leann,
Train trip round the mall. This is a difficult form...with that rhyme scheme added to the loop. You did a fantastic job on this.
My only suggestion is to lighten up the background color so as to see the words better.
So funny that my husband was a conductor on the Dutch railway for over 32 years.
You are so talented.
AnnaLinda
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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You are so sweet! Thank you for saying all of that. and thank you for the six stars! :-) I will definitely try to figure out a lighter background. I'll probably just go with white. Ha ha I humbly appreciate your encouraging and supportive comments. Hugs to you.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry was fun to read. Good job with the 'loop' words. They flow naturally in all cases. The imagery is vivid. I could see this as I read although I did not expect it to be a train trip round the mall. Your background color is so dark that the words are hard to read. I would lighten the background OR choose a light color for the words. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Your contest entry was fun to read. Good job with the 'loop' words. They flow naturally in all cases. The imagery is vivid. I could see this as I read although I did not expect it to be a train trip round the mall. Your background color is so dark that the words are hard to read. I would lighten the background OR choose a light color for the words. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Thank you for your supportive and encouraging comments and review. I will definitely fix the presentation. I appreciate that you told me about the "difficulty to read" aspect. Hugs.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This poem make a good rap. I could see the kids being encourage to do some beatbox such as making the train wheels going around. Some could make the sound of the breaks. They would automatically make the choo choo sound. This is a great motivator.
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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This poem make a good rap. I could see the kids being encourage to do some beatbox such as making the train wheels going around. Some could make the sound of the breaks. They would automatically make the choo choo sound. This is a great motivator.
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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What a creative mind you have! That's awesome. Love it. Thank you so much for your review and comments. Hugs.
Comment from Erika Seshadri
This is so adorable. A great poem for children, and I absolutely love at the end we discover it's the little train that goes around the mall, lol. My kids used to love that thing.
Have a great evening.
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reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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This is so adorable. A great poem for children, and I absolutely love at the end we discover it's the little train that goes around the mall, lol. My kids used to love that thing.
Have a great evening.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Thank you. I used to love that thing myself! I appreciate the review and comments. Hugs.
Comment from Begin Again
Leann, Your poem is so sweet and adorable. I can imagine reading and being so animated with my grandchildren. What a pleasure to read and one I will be sure to share. Smiles, Carol
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Leann, Your poem is so sweet and adorable. I can imagine reading and being so animated with my grandchildren. What a pleasure to read and one I will be sure to share. Smiles, Carol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Awww! Thank you so much for that. You made my night! I had so much trouble with this loop poetry style, and it makes me feel really good that you didn't think it was totally terrible. I really appreciate your encouraging comments. Thank you again, so much! Hugs.
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Any time Sweetie... It was a fun read! Me...I can rhyme and that's about it. No loops or whatever else for me. Smiles, Carol
