Another Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "How he did it"American Isekai
11 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I believe I've caught up with you....This is a great backstory. The reader will be sitting erect for this part of the battle story. They both clearly got their just desserts in the desert. That was a cool move to give him the razor.
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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I believe I've caught up with you....This is a great backstory. The reader will be sitting erect for this part of the battle story. They both clearly got their just desserts in the desert. That was a cool move to give him the razor.
Comment Written 12-May-2021
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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Wow. That was a lot of reading. I hoped you liked it. The novel is almost over. The next two chapters are in preview being edited. They will be out in a day or so.
Thank you very much.
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yay....I've "fanned" you so I'll get them 'hot off the press'
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I don't know if you've caughtbany of my story called Traffic about my friend & me rescuing 10 Native teens from a trafficking operation. It is covered with chapters 1-13. There is more but these are the best chapters. Feel free to read the without reviewing. We travel through a cave...no scrappers only bats...lol I researched caves in Montana a who afternoon on you tube...whoa, not like the tourist cave I took my 6 th graders through. Scary!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Okay, this is getting more and more interesting. Now that General Alexander is alive, I am wondering what he plans on doing next. I am wonder who else survived that probably shouldn't have. HMM?
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Okay, this is getting more and more interesting. Now that General Alexander is alive, I am wondering what he plans on doing next. I am wonder who else survived that probably shouldn't have. HMM?
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Thank you very much. It is almost over. Finally.
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I don't like the 'finally', I really like the story, even though I am not normally into fantasy.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
lancellot:
One should never, ever underestimate what someone must have experienced and learned on his/her way up the chain of command.
Of course, it also helps to still have some friends on the sidelines.
Really good chapter. Thanks for sharing.
Jan
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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lancellot:
One should never, ever underestimate what someone must have experienced and learned on his/her way up the chain of command.
Of course, it also helps to still have some friends on the sidelines.
Really good chapter. Thanks for sharing.
Jan
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you, Jan.
Comment from Jeff Watkins
I've been absent from FS lately, bit i'm glad I came back for this superb writing. I can't find one small flaw. Most novelists are satisfied with cheap writing in order to produce volume. Keep up the good work. Jeff
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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I've been absent from FS lately, bit i'm glad I came back for this superb writing. I can't find one small flaw. Most novelists are satisfied with cheap writing in order to produce volume. Keep up the good work. Jeff
Comment Written 06-May-2021
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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Thank you very much, Jeff.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, this phrase it's an interest case of putting salt in an open wound:"
General Alexander stopped in front of the dying young man. He placed one hand on the hilt of his dagger and then leaned into Siros' ear. "I'm sorry that was only four inches. I know you longed for six." He shoved the blade in to its hilt and then gave it a full twist before violently wrenching it out. He didn't care about the blood spraying his uniform; he didn't plan on wearing it much longer. He was careful with Siros' clothes, though, as he laid the man's head downhill while he stripped him." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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Wow, this phrase it's an interest case of putting salt in an open wound:"
General Alexander stopped in front of the dying young man. He placed one hand on the hilt of his dagger and then leaned into Siros' ear. "I'm sorry that was only four inches. I know you longed for six." He shoved the blade in to its hilt and then gave it a full twist before violently wrenching it out. He didn't care about the blood spraying his uniform; he didn't plan on wearing it much longer. He was careful with Siros' clothes, though, as he laid the man's head downhill while he stripped him." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-May-2021
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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Thank you very much.
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You are so welcome:)
Comment from judiverse
Guards think they have the upper hand and will have an easy time disposing of the General, The General has the advantage, because he has more cunning. The guards aren't too bright and don't count on what the General might be capable of. The are easily distracted and spend their time talking and thinking about sex. The general is experienced and sharp enough to take advantage of the opportunity to take on the guards. Excellent description and characterization of the men. judi
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Guards think they have the upper hand and will have an easy time disposing of the General, The General has the advantage, because he has more cunning. The guards aren't too bright and don't count on what the General might be capable of. The are easily distracted and spend their time talking and thinking about sex. The general is experienced and sharp enough to take advantage of the opportunity to take on the guards. Excellent description and characterization of the men. judi
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Thank you very much.
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You're welcome. Great description and action in this chapter. judi
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear lancellot, I am very grateful that all friendships do not die, even though, for expediency, political ideals might. However, Nevin might have joined Edward for reasons of his own.
As for a general Alexander, We readers discovered, that he is tougher and more Resourceful, than we ever imagined.
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Dear lancellot, I am very grateful that all friendships do not die, even though, for expediency, political ideals might. However, Nevin might have joined Edward for reasons of his own.
As for a general Alexander, We readers discovered, that he is tougher and more Resourceful, than we ever imagined.
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Begin Again
I know! I know! You warned the reader the story contained violence and bad language... and I'm a big girl so I continued on without trepidation.
Wrong! You have an outstanding skill of writing the horror and gore and putting the reader right in the middle of it. Twisting the knife deeper and actually enjoying it as the blood spurted out... Okay, you earned it but I don't have a six to give.
Have a great day! Smiles, Carol
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reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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I know! I know! You warned the reader the story contained violence and bad language... and I'm a big girl so I continued on without trepidation.
Wrong! You have an outstanding skill of writing the horror and gore and putting the reader right in the middle of it. Twisting the knife deeper and actually enjoying it as the blood spurted out... Okay, you earned it but I don't have a six to give.
Have a great day! Smiles, Carol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Thank you very much. Sorry, about the bad language. There was no other way. Bad people speak in bad ways.
I glad you liked it.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Chapter of the Fantasy Fiction, in continuation, speaks very righteously and interestingly thru a nice and fantastic taletelling, plot development, about escape, how did he do it, thru contributory characters realistic; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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This Chapter of the Fantasy Fiction, in continuation, speaks very righteously and interestingly thru a nice and fantastic taletelling, plot development, about escape, how did he do it, thru contributory characters realistic; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Thank you very much.
Comment from robyn corum
Lancellot,
There was a lot to appreciate here. Tons of unexpected and clever nuances that kept the reader engaged and smiling, even through the gore.
You have the violence flag. Consider adding the sex one, perhaps?
Other:
1.) unkindly of me. I do, what must be done.
--> no comma
2.) They cut through the ropes hold(ing) him to his chair.
3.) As the men drove the wagon out of camp and headed to into the desert
--> delete *to*
4.) Since he had no idea of what constituted the deep desert to them
--> delete *of*
5.) After they left the coolness, the shadow of the canyon walls provided, the temperature increased drastically.
--> After they left the coolness the shadow of the canyon walls provided, the temperature increased drastically. (having deleted a comma, BUT actually/preferably suggest:)
--> After they left the coolness provided by the canyon shadows, the temperature increased drastically.
6.) To consider:
Looking at etymology for horny:
The word horny *sexually excited, lecherous* derives from an interesting yet not surprising source. As early as the mid-18th century, an erection was known as a horn or the horn, simply because it looked a bit like one. James Joyce even used the term in his Ulysses. From there, any man having the horn was called horny, and this is first recorded in 1889. It was surely in use long before then, as the horn probably was. It often takes some time for lewd slang to make it into the written record.
--> I do not know when your story takes place but that seems like a more modern phrase and jolted me out of the story. Consider using a variation as described in the info above maybe?
7.) The guards climbed down and walked (toward) the back of the wagon.
Enjoyed this more than I should have. Ha. Thank you!
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Lancellot,
There was a lot to appreciate here. Tons of unexpected and clever nuances that kept the reader engaged and smiling, even through the gore.
You have the violence flag. Consider adding the sex one, perhaps?
Other:
1.) unkindly of me. I do, what must be done.
--> no comma
2.) They cut through the ropes hold(ing) him to his chair.
3.) As the men drove the wagon out of camp and headed to into the desert
--> delete *to*
4.) Since he had no idea of what constituted the deep desert to them
--> delete *of*
5.) After they left the coolness, the shadow of the canyon walls provided, the temperature increased drastically.
--> After they left the coolness the shadow of the canyon walls provided, the temperature increased drastically. (having deleted a comma, BUT actually/preferably suggest:)
--> After they left the coolness provided by the canyon shadows, the temperature increased drastically.
6.) To consider:
Looking at etymology for horny:
The word horny *sexually excited, lecherous* derives from an interesting yet not surprising source. As early as the mid-18th century, an erection was known as a horn or the horn, simply because it looked a bit like one. James Joyce even used the term in his Ulysses. From there, any man having the horn was called horny, and this is first recorded in 1889. It was surely in use long before then, as the horn probably was. It often takes some time for lewd slang to make it into the written record.
--> I do not know when your story takes place but that seems like a more modern phrase and jolted me out of the story. Consider using a variation as described in the info above maybe?
7.) The guards climbed down and walked (toward) the back of the wagon.
Enjoyed this more than I should have. Ha. Thank you!
Comment Written 04-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Thank you very much.
