On the Edge of Deception Pg 23
Jumping the Gun or just doing his job?19 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
With Beth's finger prints on the knife there is a very good chance that she'll have trouble trying to prove her innocence. Which bring to mind, whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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With Beth's finger prints on the knife there is a very good chance that she'll have trouble trying to prove her innocence. Which bring to mind, whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thank heavens we have an Ace up our sleeve... who can set everything straight with the timeline... Will the Ace play it out or not??? Thanks for stopping by, my friend. I always enjoy your visits. Smiles, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
Great writing. I hope Bert gets to the girl and hides her before the police get wind of where she might be. I also hope that Hank can be trusted.
"You're correct there." Beth hurried toward the exit. "Hank, they can't arrest her and charge her as an adult, can they?"
You meant to say Bert instead of Beth?
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Great writing. I hope Bert gets to the girl and hides her before the police get wind of where she might be. I also hope that Hank can be trusted.
"You're correct there." Beth hurried toward the exit. "Hank, they can't arrest her and charge her as an adult, can they?"
You meant to say Bert instead of Beth?
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Good morning, Beth. Hank is one of the good guys. As for who gets to Beth first??? Thanks for pointing out the error... Too much stress.. can't see things right in front of my eyes. Glad I have friends like you! Smiles, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
Your story is moving along well, and capturing my interest, but I see a couple problems with the plot. I don't believe police chiefs are elected, they are usually appointed. He could be due for reappointment. (Sheriff's are elected.) Also, it would be perfectly natural for Beth's fingerprints to be on a kitchen knife in her own home, particularly if she was cooking for herself and a drunk father. I don't think even a power hungry police chief would rely on one fingerprint, particularly with Dwight tied to the bed.
I also found just a few small writing things.
Chief O'Shea couldn't have been happier, releasing the names of the men killed in the hi-jacking and information on Dwight Culbertson's murder. -- this seems a little awkward -- "as he thought about releasing the names . . . " ???
Just Culbertson's word over hers." -- I don't think he's heard a denial from Beth at this point. End sentence after "word." ?
That press conference -- need beginning quotes
"Yeah, your right. ==> you're
Going to announce it at the Press Conference." ==> press conference
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Your story is moving along well, and capturing my interest, but I see a couple problems with the plot. I don't believe police chiefs are elected, they are usually appointed. He could be due for reappointment. (Sheriff's are elected.) Also, it would be perfectly natural for Beth's fingerprints to be on a kitchen knife in her own home, particularly if she was cooking for herself and a drunk father. I don't think even a power hungry police chief would rely on one fingerprint, particularly with Dwight tied to the bed.
I also found just a few small writing things.
Chief O'Shea couldn't have been happier, releasing the names of the men killed in the hi-jacking and information on Dwight Culbertson's murder. -- this seems a little awkward -- "as he thought about releasing the names . . . " ???
Just Culbertson's word over hers." -- I don't think he's heard a denial from Beth at this point. End sentence after "word." ?
That press conference -- need beginning quotes
"Yeah, your right. ==> you're
Going to announce it at the Press Conference." ==> press conference
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Good morning, Susan. I hope all is well at your end. Thanks for all those suggestions. I did go back and rework it. As for the small town police chief... he thinks he runs it all, his way or no way... not by society's norm. There's already one warrant out for her arrest on the assault of her dad, and this on is suspicion of murder. He feels he can fall back on the first warrant if need be. At least that's where I brain went... which is probably wrong. Smiles, Carol
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That sounds fine. Will message you.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh, that slime ball!! He's not going to be elected, he's going to go to prison and keep Nancy company!! I'm so glad Bert is on her side but didn't Beth run off after her night at the shelter? Or have I missed something? Now you are doing something I did, but you wanted to beat my record! You've made Beth, Bert! Below. Another great chapter in this amazing book, my friend. Well done. :)) Sandra xx
"Oh, gosh no! Are you sure it was murder?" Beth (Bert) turned to Hank,
Beth (Bert) hurried toward the exit
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Oh, that slime ball!! He's not going to be elected, he's going to go to prison and keep Nancy company!! I'm so glad Bert is on her side but didn't Beth run off after her night at the shelter? Or have I missed something? Now you are doing something I did, but you wanted to beat my record! You've made Beth, Bert! Below. Another great chapter in this amazing book, my friend. Well done. :)) Sandra xx
"Oh, gosh no! Are you sure it was murder?" Beth (Bert) turned to Hank,
Beth (Bert) hurried toward the exit
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Good morning, Sandra... At the cemetery, Ethan gave her his phone and then she left to go to the shelter. I'll go back and check that I made that clear. She might have run off on me too! LOL Fixed my error and I thank you. Smiles, Carol
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You are welcome, but you still haven't corrected the names you got wrong....
"Oh, gosh no! Are you sure it was murder?" Beth (Bert) turned to Hank,
Beth (Bert) hurried toward the exit...
LOL!!!!
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I thought I did...back I go again. I am losing my mind I think.
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I certainly hope that Bert and Hank get Beth out of there super fast before the police show up. And hope they fire that dishonest police chief. And how is it that they have Beth's fingerprints? Did she do something before that she got fingerprinted?
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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Well, I certainly hope that Bert and Hank get Beth out of there super fast before the police show up. And hope they fire that dishonest police chief. And how is it that they have Beth's fingerprints? Did she do something before that she got fingerprinted?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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It is her house and her bedroom would be totally her fingerprints. Or the fact, that she was already dealing with DCFS, maybe they would have something on file. Never thought of it. Thanks for jiggling my brain. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
High time for a series bonussssss! Another gripping episode--looks like things are going to get a lot worse for poor Beth.
"Chief, aren't we going to at least investigate the other two. [QUESTION MARK]
Ric, [let Hank and I=>ME] find a little privacy
The Chief's committing suicide if he's [not's=>NOT] going to investigate
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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High time for a series bonussssss! Another gripping episode--looks like things are going to get a lot worse for poor Beth.
"Chief, aren't we going to at least investigate the other two. [QUESTION MARK]
Ric, [let Hank and I=>ME] find a little privacy
The Chief's committing suicide if he's [not's=>NOT] going to investigate
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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My awesome friend. Thank you for adding some extra glimmer to my day. I needed a smile and you so graciously gave me one. See...prayers are answered. Thank you so much and I've hopefully adjusted as suggested... if I remembered to save. Senility is setting in fast, I think. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Is this a murder mystery short story? I don't see any chapter information and this is not a book chapter. It's a challenge to write a short story like this.
This is about the murder of Dwight Culbertson and his daughter Beth is a suspect. Burt is trying to help her.
Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Is this a murder mystery short story? I don't see any chapter information and this is not a book chapter. It's a challenge to write a short story like this.
This is about the murder of Dwight Culbertson and his daughter Beth is a suspect. Burt is trying to help her.
Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Sorry, Lisa... It started out as a short story that somehow found a life of it's own and has grown substantially. If interested, you can find it in my portfolio. I appreciate your comments and for stopping by to read. Smiles, Carol
Comment from MEGAsocks
This is so good! I really felt pulled into the plot. I also love the use of inside conflict.. the conflict of solving the mystery and the conflict of the characters following their instinct saying this is wrong verses just following the job and getting it over with.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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This is so good! I really felt pulled into the plot. I also love the use of inside conflict.. the conflict of solving the mystery and the conflict of the characters following their instinct saying this is wrong verses just following the job and getting it over with.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much for stopping by to catch a chapter of my story and to be so thrilled that you have offered your comments and the shiny stars. This story started as a short and somehow has found a life of its own. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Page 23, On the Edge of Deception, Mystery and Crime Fiction, speaks confidently and expressively (6 star ******), about guessing of jumping the gun or just doing his job, thru an appropriate taletelling, and plot development, fostered by dialogues realistic, showing thru characters real-like, ends in a movement in action, well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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This Page 23, On the Edge of Deception, Mystery and Crime Fiction, speaks confidently and expressively (6 star ******), about guessing of jumping the gun or just doing his job, thru an appropriate taletelling, and plot development, fostered by dialogues realistic, showing thru characters real-like, ends in a movement in action, well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Oh, wowzers!-- Thank you for the exceptional review and for being so gracious as to add the shiny stars to this chapter. I so greatly appreciate your input, continuation of reading, and blessing me with the stars. Smiles, Carol
