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Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Swimming with Seaturtles"A series of like minded poems
34 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
This reads like a hybrid free verse/prose piece, per your intent (I read the reviews and your responses). I assume you are aiming for self-deprecating irony by this approach, i.e. you're illustrating your timid attempt at prose by showing that you can't break away from forced internal rhyme. Ingenious device!
re: Like the air has been sucked out of a blowup doll, or the covers yanked off my naked body, I feel deflated and exposed for the crummy poet I actually am.
sugg reword: Like a blowup doll with its air sucked out, and a naked sleeper stripped of its covers, I feel exposed for the crummy poet I am.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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This reads like a hybrid free verse/prose piece, per your intent (I read the reviews and your responses). I assume you are aiming for self-deprecating irony by this approach, i.e. you're illustrating your timid attempt at prose by showing that you can't break away from forced internal rhyme. Ingenious device!
re: Like the air has been sucked out of a blowup doll, or the covers yanked off my naked body, I feel deflated and exposed for the crummy poet I actually am.
sugg reword: Like a blowup doll with its air sucked out, and a naked sleeper stripped of its covers, I feel exposed for the crummy poet I am.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Hello Elizabeth.
Yes, the debate is on, whether this is prose or free verse poetry. I appreciate your suggestions and will take them into consideration.
Thank you for the excellent review and rating.
Have a good rest of your week,
Jesse
Comment from damommy
My suggest is to keep trying. With practice, you'll get better. I'm very bad at prose, but I keep plugging away at it. Your piece here is mostly prose. It would be free verse if it had more poetic devices like alliteration, consonance, along with internal rhyme, etc.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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My suggest is to keep trying. With practice, you'll get better. I'm very bad at prose, but I keep plugging away at it. Your piece here is mostly prose. It would be free verse if it had more poetic devices like alliteration, consonance, along with internal rhyme, etc.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Thank you for your suggestion to keep trying. I shall do just that. I have ideas for stories and essays and will branch out into these mediums as my learning curve permits.
Thank you for taking the time and effort to give me this encouraging review and excellent rating.
Take care,
Jesse
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You're very welcome. Good luck.
Comment from Irish Rain
I suck at prose, ha ha.
Actually...just write free verse if that's
what you enjoy.
I think free verse is beautiful.
There are MANY poets, right on this site,
that hate rhyme.
Do what YOU love, and you'll get it right.(write)...I
think I made a pun!
Blessings...
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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I suck at prose, ha ha.
Actually...just write free verse if that's
what you enjoy.
I think free verse is beautiful.
There are MANY poets, right on this site,
that hate rhyme.
Do what YOU love, and you'll get it right.(write)...I
think I made a pun!
Blessings...
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Hello Judy.
The jury is still out on whether this post is or should be prose or free verse poetry. I would like to become comfortable in both mediums, but I, still have much learning to do.
I actually inserted some internal rhymes in this piece, but they are mostly undercover.
Write on, my friend, (there I used your pun.)
Jesse
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I think it's both.
I think you do well at both.
I caught all your rhymes, they
make your piece rather lyrical.
Very pretty!
I'm getting where I don't want to learn
anything new, ha ha.
Glad to see you writing...have a great day!!
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Yes, it feels good to write in a new medium and have it be accepted as such. I am glad you caught the rhymes.
Have a wonderful day as well!
Jesse
Comment from mobileliz
A brave soul. I'm not a poet, so my review should be taken with a grain of salt. To me, it still reads like poetry. At least it makes sense, says something. I can feel your longing to be good, to get better. You can never write prose unless you do, and you will grow and get better with each attempt.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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A brave soul. I'm not a poet, so my review should be taken with a grain of salt. To me, it still reads like poetry. At least it makes sense, says something. I can feel your longing to be good, to get better. You can never write prose unless you do, and you will grow and get better with each attempt.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Liz, for taking the time and effort to read and review my prose. I am sorry it was not to your liking. If you had any suggestions I would be open to hear them.
Have a good evening,
Jesse
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It wasn't so much "not to my liking" as much as I'm not a poet and moving from poetry to prose is beyond my skill level. If you ever saw any of my attempts at poetry, you'd understand. I wish you well and please keep writing. It will only stop getting better if you stop writing.
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It's a deal, Liz. I'll keep writing and getting better, and you do the same.
Take care, and have a great day!
Jesse
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I can see this as prose. The added internal rhymes don't make it only poetry in my opinion. Your lines read well. They are descriptive with good flow. You expressed your thoughts and feelings well in this short piece.
My suggestion is to not capitalize seaturtles. [ one word or two?]
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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I can see this as prose. The added internal rhymes don't make it only poetry in my opinion. Your lines read well. They are descriptive with good flow. You expressed your thoughts and feelings well in this short piece.
My suggestion is to not capitalize seaturtles. [ one word or two?]
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Hello, Jan, and thank you for this positive review, and for considering it fit for prose rather than poetry. I like your detailed analysis of the flow and descriptions. I appreciate your suggestion and will consider using it. I looked up sea turtles and the term works, whether one word or two, from what I can gather.
You are the first one so far to offer a suggestion. I thought writers would be all over me about my calling this prose. I am feeling good at the responses I am receiving and that is a good sign for me to try to step out of poetry and write some other stories I have been wanting to write.
Thank you for the excellent rating and helpful suggestion.
Take care and have a nice week,
Jesse
Comment from Mike Stevens
A fine tale, Jessie, and it would be a poor writer indeed to thinks his writing can't be improved--I'm exhibit A! Indeed, one poor writer, and you don't want to wind up like me, casting about for compliments, no matter how hollow!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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A fine tale, Jessie, and it would be a poor writer indeed to thinks his writing can't be improved--I'm exhibit A! Indeed, one poor writer, and you don't want to wind up like me, casting about for compliments, no matter how hollow!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Thanks, Mike, for your honest assessment of this prose. If you do have any suggestions, by all means, let me know. You can always put them in a private message since you already wrote this review. Thanks for the excellent rating, my friend.
Have a great week,
Jesse
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Jesse, I wish I knew the "rules' of writing, but alas, I don't. I feel like who am I to tell someone else how or what to write, when I don't even know, myself? My rule of thumb is If I like how I write something, that's all that matters
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I agree, Mike! That is all that should matter!
Jesse
Comment from karenina
Ah Jesse... I suffer from a massive lack of confidence when it comes to writing prose. Truth is I so admire so many prose writers here on site I barely stick my toe in--only rarely trying out flash fiction--I think all of which were 150 words or less. I wish I could offer you advice regarding the technical process. I cannot. What I CAN do is applaud you for writing this. The best way to learn to swim is to first wade into the water... Likewise with writing. I DO know, as I've followed your work for a long time--that you write poetry with passion and clarity--and skill! No reason to question your ability...but I well know my own questions of my own skills, even with poetry-which I have been writing (however successfully or unsuccessfully) since I was eleven years old! I think it goes with the love of writing... We search our souls, we question our techniques...we grow. Keep writing! Write prose! Wiser minds than mine can help you with this genre!-- Who was it that said growth begins when we stand on the edge of discomfort? The name escapes me... The philosophy, for me, rings true!--Karenina
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Ah Jesse... I suffer from a massive lack of confidence when it comes to writing prose. Truth is I so admire so many prose writers here on site I barely stick my toe in--only rarely trying out flash fiction--I think all of which were 150 words or less. I wish I could offer you advice regarding the technical process. I cannot. What I CAN do is applaud you for writing this. The best way to learn to swim is to first wade into the water... Likewise with writing. I DO know, as I've followed your work for a long time--that you write poetry with passion and clarity--and skill! No reason to question your ability...but I well know my own questions of my own skills, even with poetry-which I have been writing (however successfully or unsuccessfully) since I was eleven years old! I think it goes with the love of writing... We search our souls, we question our techniques...we grow. Keep writing! Write prose! Wiser minds than mine can help you with this genre!-- Who was it that said growth begins when we stand on the edge of discomfort? The name escapes me... The philosophy, for me, rings true!--Karenina
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Hello Karenina. It is always a pleasure to read your well-thought-out reviews that always come with words of wisdom, and I think you've done it again. Standing on the edge of discomfort, I wade in the water slowly and find out that I am able to swim. Maybe not with Sea Turtles, but I am at least treading water fairly well so far. Thanks for your encouragement and your excellent rating. This means a lot coming from you, my friend.
Enjoy your week as it rolls on by.
Jesse
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You and I can encourage one another as we stretch our writing and begin to "swim" into prose with ever growing confidence! I'm thrilled for you. It is major growth for any of us to put ourselves out there in a new way! Write on my friend! I'm so excited to celebrate your future successes! If this is any indication, you're well on your way!--Karenina
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Thank you so much, Karenina! I am bursting with anticipation and pride as I look forward to a new world of writing stories, essays, and more prose.
Take care, my friend,
Jesse
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Jump into A hundred word flash fiction! But be sure not to trust the FS word count! Rely on MS Word! (I learned the hard way!)...
I suggest you sample Elizabeth Emerald! Her flash fiction and non fiction are witty and skillful!
She even got ME to trust myself enough to try prose!
Kept telling me to POST my reviews!
Tell her I sent you!
Karenina
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Hello Karenina.
I am sorry but I am not ready yet to go forward with a forced word count, and I rarely do contests, so thanks but, I'll pass this time.
I have a raging toothache, and I need a root canal bad!
Jesse
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Oh man! I HATE toothaches! Sorry your suffering. Don't be "sorry"--I was only expressing that for ME knowing I had to keep it short made my first forays into prose less daunting. I often imposed a "flash fiction" count on myself...or wrote it according to inspiration of a contest I read about but just posted it in my own portfolio... Every writer finds their own path, I totally respect that!--Karenina
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Thank you, Karenina.
Your respect means the world to me.
Have a beautiful day, my friend!
Jesse
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You too! Feel better!--Karenina
Comment from AnnaLinda
Sage (Jesse)
I must give you an exceptional rating on this. Now I will have to go back...read your lines over and over again to tell you why I will
award this "prose" an exceptional rating.
Well, as you know, I am burnt out. I'm not able to do that right
now...Maybe someday. Perhaps the site will allow this review
to go through.
AnnaLinda
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Sage (Jesse)
I must give you an exceptional rating on this. Now I will have to go back...read your lines over and over again to tell you why I will
award this "prose" an exceptional rating.
Well, as you know, I am burnt out. I'm not able to do that right
now...Maybe someday. Perhaps the site will allow this review
to go through.
AnnaLinda
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Hello AnnaLinda! Thank you so much for your exceptional rating! I am so sorry you remain burnt out. Even after taking off yesterday. I think you need a vacation! I'd send you on one, but I am plum out of money. The review went through and by the way, you can always click the tab, 'bookcase' if you want to save a post for further reading at a later time. Just a thought. I do it all the time.
Thanks, again, for making my day special with this awesome review!
Take care, and for Heaven's sake, take it easy!
Jesse
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Well deserved exceptional rating, Sage Jesse.
A very humble write.
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Thanks, Angel!
Comment from Jay Squires
Your author note implies to me that you typically write poetry, am I correct. I mean, duh, I think Poetry/Prose. There's not much for those of us addicted to the keyboard or legal pad. So, you're a poet, Jesse James, correct. No use begging our gentleness with you, although I reckon I would do the same thing if I were to post a poem. Either it will resonate with the reader or it won't. It sounds to me like you are blessed with someone who accepts you for whatever venture you try. That seems to be the point of your little prose piece anyway, although, like a poet, you seemed to approach the subject rather obliquely. I like it.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Your author note implies to me that you typically write poetry, am I correct. I mean, duh, I think Poetry/Prose. There's not much for those of us addicted to the keyboard or legal pad. So, you're a poet, Jesse James, correct. No use begging our gentleness with you, although I reckon I would do the same thing if I were to post a poem. Either it will resonate with the reader or it won't. It sounds to me like you are blessed with someone who accepts you for whatever venture you try. That seems to be the point of your little prose piece anyway, although, like a poet, you seemed to approach the subject rather obliquely. I like it.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Yes, Jay, I am a poet. And, you are right about my having a great support network, who accepts, and backs the ventures I attempt. I am glad you like my prose. I appreciate you taking the time and effort to read and review my work and give it an excellent rating. Thanks.
Have a pleasant evening,
Jesse
Comment from Raul1
It's beautifully written. The story is well written. I have enjoyed reading your story. Excellent work! I like how you structured it. No grammatical errors. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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It's beautifully written. The story is well written. I have enjoyed reading your story. Excellent work! I like how you structured it. No grammatical errors. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much, Raul, for your very kind comments about this first attempt at prose. I am glad you found no grammatical errors, and I thank you for the excellent rating.
Have a good week,
Jesse
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You're welcome.
