On the Edge of Deception
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "On the Edge of Deception Pg 18"Mystery, Abuse and Crime
20 total reviews
Comment from dmt1967
This is another good chapter. Just one thing, the change of style of writing is very off putting, in my opinion. One minute it's in bold, next minute it's not. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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This is another good chapter. Just one thing, the change of style of writing is very off putting, in my opinion. One minute it's in bold, next minute it's not. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Sorry about that...the computer or the site is doing that. I can't figure it out, but I am working on it. Don't like it myself. Smiles - Carol
Comment from BethShelby
Okay, I read one out of order, and this is started to make more sense, but How if Hake killed him, I still don't know how Nance knew he was dead when she sent Daisy there. I guess it will all become clear. Like I said, I could trust you to make it worse before he gets better. I'm enjoy this even if that it is pretty violent. Beth's fathers seem to have no redeeming characteristics so you can't feel sorry for him.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Okay, I read one out of order, and this is started to make more sense, but How if Hake killed him, I still don't know how Nance knew he was dead when she sent Daisy there. I guess it will all become clear. Like I said, I could trust you to make it worse before he gets better. I'm enjoy this even if that it is pretty violent. Beth's fathers seem to have no redeeming characteristics so you can't feel sorry for him.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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OOPs! It's mixed up enough, Beth...reading out of order is going to really confuse you. Don't want to be like me, you know. Thanks for the review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
his blood was percolating, and he'd worked up a head of steam.
(I like the use of this metephore... or similie, comparison of coffee being brewed to human emotion. Some kids don't even know what a peculator is.)
across the lot. Stopping short of running over Nancy and Peter, he
(Peter moved fast, straight to Nancy from bumping shoulders in a parking lot... I doubt this will end well for anyone)
"You better." Shooting a disgusting(or disgusted?) look at Dwight,
(I think you meant disgusted)
me, honey. You look so hot and sexy when you get mad."
(good job portraying Dwight's moods up and down with drunkedness, possessiveness, hostility, and agression, as well as the uncomfortable affection attempts too)
when her mom was alive.
(after seeing Dwight in action, Beth's decision is anticipated to be very bad)
Another hysterical laugh erupted from his vulgar mouth, followed by
(You have done a nice job of painting the dad as a villain. I was musing to myself that it's a tragic thing to have a loving child, but the parent is just vicious... so against nature that this would be the case, and yet ... happens so often.)
Dwight stumbled backward against the kitchen table.
(Geez, this guy is right awful. Strongly horrifying for poor Beth. Reader feels both sympathy and frustration with her going to the house at all, but what could she do)
Saved in the nick of time. Nice upswing of energy and conflict through this scene.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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his blood was percolating, and he'd worked up a head of steam.
(I like the use of this metephore... or similie, comparison of coffee being brewed to human emotion. Some kids don't even know what a peculator is.)
across the lot. Stopping short of running over Nancy and Peter, he
(Peter moved fast, straight to Nancy from bumping shoulders in a parking lot... I doubt this will end well for anyone)
"You better." Shooting a disgusting(or disgusted?) look at Dwight,
(I think you meant disgusted)
me, honey. You look so hot and sexy when you get mad."
(good job portraying Dwight's moods up and down with drunkedness, possessiveness, hostility, and agression, as well as the uncomfortable affection attempts too)
when her mom was alive.
(after seeing Dwight in action, Beth's decision is anticipated to be very bad)
Another hysterical laugh erupted from his vulgar mouth, followed by
(You have done a nice job of painting the dad as a villain. I was musing to myself that it's a tragic thing to have a loving child, but the parent is just vicious... so against nature that this would be the case, and yet ... happens so often.)
Dwight stumbled backward against the kitchen table.
(Geez, this guy is right awful. Strongly horrifying for poor Beth. Reader feels both sympathy and frustration with her going to the house at all, but what could she do)
Saved in the nick of time. Nice upswing of energy and conflict through this scene.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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This chapter and the next one were tough...A lot of my personal emotions got twisted up in the story...which is probably why it came off realistically, but I didn't go through stuff like she did. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I found a mistake in the next chapter so now I have rethink and rewrite so it will work. I know I could have just changed the chapter I posted but actually after thinking all day...this might be much better. LOL Smiles - Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Beth put herself in another dangerous situation with her father: because, as the saying goes, "A leopard doesn't change his spots." But luckily, she got away. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Beth put herself in another dangerous situation with her father: because, as the saying goes, "A leopard doesn't change his spots." But luckily, she got away. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Hi there - Guess I am the one reading reviews backward now. I was blown away with that six and got giddy.LOL Thanks again, my dear friend. Smiles and hugs - Carol
Comment from eliz100
This is another great installment. Held my attention from beginning to end. Talk about blood being thicker and water. Beth's hopes dashed again. The picture does match the story.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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This is another great installment. Held my attention from beginning to end. Talk about blood being thicker and water. Beth's hopes dashed again. The picture does match the story.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Thank you...it's a tough place to be and it just seems to be getting worse. Hopefully at some point, things will turn for the best. Thanks - Carol
Comment from karenina
Congratulations on being a top ranked author! Holding the number three position! You are also, admirably, rising up the active reviewer chart... A thorough asset to the FS family!
This chapter... My heart was in my throat! I read on but could not bear to discover Dwight had sexually assaulted Beth...
I flinch to consider how he would have consummated his incestuous lust if not for her grabbing that knife!
You kept your foot on the gas, even then.and when he lunged at her and the knife dropped so did my JAW!
Good gravy Marie! (as my grandma used to say)--
-You trying' to give me heart palpitations?!
Thank GOD Hank knocked on the door!
Another white knuckle, nail biting installment...
And Nancy! Heaven help me...before starting this review my mind was racing, thinking of a way she and Dwight could do each other in!
Great read!
A few little suggestions...
Not sure but I believe Shania Train's song title should be in caps... (?)
"Life was so much different when " he" mom was alive."-- I know you meant "her"-- A tiny typo!
In the italicized portion beginning with " We're A family...and ending with "Mom would want me to put our family back together again"--I think you meant to italicize that whole portion, right? The last part needs the italics...
In the paragraph beginning " The sound of someone knocking on the door..." ---Did you want "Wright's eyes 'widened'/ ? It reads " Dwight eyes widen, and he froze.".
If I had a nickel for each of my typos I'd be rich!
Easy quick edits...
Again. HUGE fan of your writing, of this novel...
Maybe I should apply to be president of your fan club?
Check yeah!
Smiles...
Karenina
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Congratulations on being a top ranked author! Holding the number three position! You are also, admirably, rising up the active reviewer chart... A thorough asset to the FS family!
This chapter... My heart was in my throat! I read on but could not bear to discover Dwight had sexually assaulted Beth...
I flinch to consider how he would have consummated his incestuous lust if not for her grabbing that knife!
You kept your foot on the gas, even then.and when he lunged at her and the knife dropped so did my JAW!
Good gravy Marie! (as my grandma used to say)--
-You trying' to give me heart palpitations?!
Thank GOD Hank knocked on the door!
Another white knuckle, nail biting installment...
And Nancy! Heaven help me...before starting this review my mind was racing, thinking of a way she and Dwight could do each other in!
Great read!
A few little suggestions...
Not sure but I believe Shania Train's song title should be in caps... (?)
"Life was so much different when " he" mom was alive."-- I know you meant "her"-- A tiny typo!
In the italicized portion beginning with " We're A family...and ending with "Mom would want me to put our family back together again"--I think you meant to italicize that whole portion, right? The last part needs the italics...
In the paragraph beginning " The sound of someone knocking on the door..." ---Did you want "Wright's eyes 'widened'/ ? It reads " Dwight eyes widen, and he froze.".
If I had a nickel for each of my typos I'd be rich!
Easy quick edits...
Again. HUGE fan of your writing, of this novel...
Maybe I should apply to be president of your fan club?
Check yeah!
Smiles...
Karenina
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Karenina... i didn't realize you hadn't read this chapter and hear I was racing you to read 19... too much of an eager beaver I guess. Just tell me to fly a kite! Well, at least you got to read them both together and see how it flowed. I'm not liking this Grammerly...it automatically changes some things when I don't... Or else it is my other one fighting with it. I've got apps fighting now. LoL what a story!!! Fixed the typs and I appreciate you showing me. Have a great day! Smiles and hugs, Carol
PS... You are already the President of my fan club. LOL
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Oh! See? I sometimes don't even get on site for a whole day... I hate it when that happens, but alas, life beckons me away at times. I struggled if I should point out those little editing needs, but put myself in your place and know I would welcome it if you did the same for me! I haven't found a grammar or spelling program yet that doesn't mess up what I intended! An don't even get me going about "autocorrect"-- (LOL)--- I'm president? Yes! SO I can go with you on your first Oprah interview about your breakout best seller? PSYCHED!---Karenind
Comment from lancellot
This is well written and it is a perfect example of the cycle of a broken family, but also a broken community.
No one can do the smart thing, the right thing because they really don't know what that is.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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This is well written and it is a perfect example of the cycle of a broken family, but also a broken community.
No one can do the smart thing, the right thing because they really don't know what that is.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Yes, I so agree. some of these chapters have proven difficult to write, I appreciate your kind review and thoughtful comments. Smiles - Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
I see I read these out of sequence--now I know that indeed Beth will take the rap for the murder on account of her prints on the knife.
Life was so different [until her mom died=>sugg: WHEN MOM WAS ALIVE.]
She wasn't [in the custom of=>ACCUSTOMED TO] being treated with anything but respect.
I meant to tell you--in many of your chapters there are random odd changes in font style, size and color.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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I see I read these out of sequence--now I know that indeed Beth will take the rap for the murder on account of her prints on the knife.
Life was so different [until her mom died=>sugg: WHEN MOM WAS ALIVE.]
She wasn't [in the custom of=>ACCUSTOMED TO] being treated with anything but respect.
I meant to tell you--in many of your chapters there are random odd changes in font style, size and color.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Thanks, Liz...I'm trying to figure out why the font keeps changing. It's whenever I use Italics for a thought... my whole story goes bonkers. I will have to go back and erase and then post without Italics and see what happens Smil;es Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Yuck. So even the PI saw her leaving the scene of the murder. Wonderful. The hits just keep on coming, don't they? Poor little girl. I wasn't surprised that dad finally tried to get a little kinky with her. sorry SOB. Thanks!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Carol,
Yuck. So even the PI saw her leaving the scene of the murder. Wonderful. The hits just keep on coming, don't they? Poor little girl. I wasn't surprised that dad finally tried to get a little kinky with her. sorry SOB. Thanks!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Hi Robyn... this girl is going crazy...I'm glad he has reached his demise, but I fear for Beth. Hang on...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
When you can't break family ties-
On the Edge of Deception Pg 18
Begin Again
You with out any doubt know how to express your with your writing
Your story reminds me of my drunken father
Who passed away several years ago
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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When you can't break family ties-
On the Edge of Deception Pg 18
Begin Again
You with out any doubt know how to express your with your writing
Your story reminds me of my drunken father
Who passed away several years ago
Gert
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Hi Gert... I had a brother like this guy...Great when he wasn't drinking, but exceptionally nasty when he was. Thank you for reading. I've got the next chapter ready to post but it won't let me. It's a bit rough, but some people will get what they have coming. Thanks - Smiles, Carol
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You are welcome Begin Again
Gert
