Comment from tempeste

Exceptional

This is an excellent senryu which speaks about human nature

Memories get closeted ( cool term) into different rooms of our minds....

....but it only takes a sound ,a smell at times and they resurface and bite you.

I say bite because I have more sad memories than happy ones ..lots of regrets, guilt issues etc which all add Pessimism to my already gloomy nature and negative view on life and the world.

So as life goes on the memories we collect are stored in closets in our mind .. you grafted a lovely poem based on this premise .. it s very poetic.

PS:This is the only poem I wrote about the mind and memories ..

https://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=953457

Keep safe! ( four leaf glover)

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2021

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021

Tempeste,

So pleased with your kindest words for my memories poem. Your comments show the depth of feeling you apparently felt in reading my verse. I am touched.

THANKS!

Mark

Comment from Janetsue

Excellent

This is a very creative posting that causes extra contemplation by readers. I enjoyed it very much, Mark. I like writings that bring out a sense of mystery. --Janet

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021

Janet,

So pleased for your comments about this post. I stayed true to my syllable count, but investigated my Senryu side (-;

Mark

Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

Very good, Mark. I really like this Senryu and think you nailed it with form and meaningful content. Way to go and thanks for showing us how it is done!!

Melissa

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021

Thanks Melissa!

Another reviewer commented that my previously labeled ?Contemporary Haiku is better described as a Senryu. Apparently you agree! Of course for me, it is just 5-7-5 (-;

Mark

Comment from Debbie Pope

Excellent

This is one of your best, Mark. I like the concept of closeted memories. That is what we do with memories isn't it? But the door is always open. They pass to and fro as our life goes on.
Well done.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021

Thanks Deb! I favor the open door policy in my relationships.

Pleased with your kind words.

Mark

Comment from June Sargent

Excellent

I really like the sentiments of this piece. Time passes on, but the door to closeted memories is always open for us to take a trip through memory lane.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021

June,

Walking down memory lane is a good stretch/activity anytime! Thanks for your support for this postl

Mark

Comment from papa55mike

Excellent

Open doors also lead to fulfillment, the future, and many other dreams. What a wonderfully written poem. Best of luck with your writing!

Have a great day, and God bless.
mike

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021

Mike,

I prefer your open door possibility too.

Mark

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

This is more a philosophical 'bon mot' than a haiku. The problem being that the 'cause links the two parts into a single flowing sentence, destroying the cut. i can see why you wanted to retain the whole as the the quote but if it were mine, and in the interests of haiku purity, I would lose the 'cause. I would restore the cut and create a better satori line.

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021

I like your idea of a bon mot. I am not a Haiku purist and creating an effective satori is hard to accomplish for me. Many of the 5-7-5 FS contests are labeled ?Haiku Contest,? but only follow the syllable count and not the Japanese format. As such I use ?contemporary Haiku? in my subtitle. In the case in point, there is no seasonal element or nature contained within my verse. I appreciate your spin and ask your advice if the last line should be edited to .... passes through.

Mark

P.S. Often I wish that I would have the opportunity to get feedback before I posted my short style poems. Fortunately, I (like to) write for my personal entertainment and not for any commercial success.

reply by Pantygynt on 14-Apr-2021

Actually tours is closer to a senryu than a haiku, more concerned with humanity than nature. As I said. Lose the 'cause. You will be within the acceptable total syllable count.