Forbidden Fruit
The temptation of Eve in the garden of Eden7 total reviews
Comment from tempeste
Ciao mystery poet.. you now have 9 votes.
You did a great job in describing the thought process behind Eva's choice to disobey and eat fruit from the forbidden tree of knowledge.
And the consequences that followed .
Keep safe!
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
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Ciao mystery poet.. you now have 9 votes.
You did a great job in describing the thought process behind Eva's choice to disobey and eat fruit from the forbidden tree of knowledge.
And the consequences that followed .
Keep safe!
Comment Written 13-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much for taking the time to review my poem and the kind words. Much appreciated.
May the Lord bless you richly
Comment from Laurie Holding
Your piece just drips with sensuality, which works so perfectly for its theme. Lots of lips and drips and bites and lusciousness. I admire your word choices, your nonchalance about rhyme, (although you do rhyme here and there; just no strict rule of thumb, also perfect for the chaos that Eden brought about), and your lack of punctuation. Usually, I'm kind of a punctuation nerd, but in this arena, in this garden, I think you're spot on. Good luck in the contest; you have my vote.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Your piece just drips with sensuality, which works so perfectly for its theme. Lots of lips and drips and bites and lusciousness. I admire your word choices, your nonchalance about rhyme, (although you do rhyme here and there; just no strict rule of thumb, also perfect for the chaos that Eden brought about), and your lack of punctuation. Usually, I'm kind of a punctuation nerd, but in this arena, in this garden, I think you're spot on. Good luck in the contest; you have my vote.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Thank you Laurie for the review and kind words of encouragement. I never studied poetry, so I was not sure of punctuation. Would you be so kind to point out where I should had added a punctuation mark? I want to learn as much as possible from seasoned writers.
Comment from rindy ryan
A very powerful and emotional poem! I love your use of personification. And your words create drama and tension. I would suggest you give thought to punctuation as I feel that can only strengthen your writing when you use it to guide your reader to read as you want it read. Thanks for sharing. Good luck.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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A very powerful and emotional poem! I love your use of personification. And your words create drama and tension. I would suggest you give thought to punctuation as I feel that can only strengthen your writing when you use it to guide your reader to read as you want it read. Thanks for sharing. Good luck.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Thank you Rindy for the review and kind words. I would appreciate your pointing out where I should have used punctuation marks. I want to learn as much as I can from seasoned writers. I appreciate your comments.
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Look at your poem as sentences and place your commas and periods and exclamation points as you would with each complete thought you write. ....soft spoken words. ...forbidden fruit. Poetry is usually sentences formatted differently into a poem. But I feel punctuation overlooked in poetry is leaving out an important guide for your readers. Hope that helps.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello unknown writer
I like how you wrote of how Eve was tempted and what took place of how---
Temptation brought desire to the place of no return
and how
freedom lost its flavor and its desire ran cold
Nothing was as appealing as the forbidden.
Gert
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Hello unknown writer
I like how you wrote of how Eve was tempted and what took place of how---
Temptation brought desire to the place of no return
and how
freedom lost its flavor and its desire ran cold
Nothing was as appealing as the forbidden.
Gert
Comment Written 11-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the review. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
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You are welcome unknown writer
Gert
Comment from AnnaLinda
Hello Sylvia,
This is a very well written poem regarding the Garden of Eden and the temptation that was acted upon...First by Eve and then Adam and
consequently passed to all of us. I wonder why Adam did not step in...
Weakling!
Anyway...Loved this part:
"Temptation wove itself into a need
It became a driving force
A voice fueled her desire
Poison dripping from the lips of the Liar"
Lots of nice alliteration in that last line of truth!
Thanks again for sharing your faith and great talent.
Anna
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Hello Sylvia,
This is a very well written poem regarding the Garden of Eden and the temptation that was acted upon...First by Eve and then Adam and
consequently passed to all of us. I wonder why Adam did not step in...
Weakling!
Anyway...Loved this part:
"Temptation wove itself into a need
It became a driving force
A voice fueled her desire
Poison dripping from the lips of the Liar"
Lots of nice alliteration in that last line of truth!
Thanks again for sharing your faith and great talent.
Anna
Comment Written 11-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Thank you Anna for the review. I am glad you enjoyed it. Thank you also for the kind words.
Comment from Anne Johnston
"Nothing was as appealing as the forbidden" Those words accurately describe the situation in the Garden of Eden, and sadly it still stands true today. The enemy still tries to tell us that things we know are wrong, are something we should try. He fails to show us the consequences.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2021
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"Nothing was as appealing as the forbidden" Those words accurately describe the situation in the Garden of Eden, and sadly it still stands true today. The enemy still tries to tell us that things we know are wrong, are something we should try. He fails to show us the consequences.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2021
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Thanks again Anne for the review. I agree whole heartedly with you about the enemy hiding the truth without showing us the consequences. Have a blessed weekend
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You are welcome. Hope your weekend is great.
Comment from Lighthouse Keeper
A nice, poetic version of THE tragic tale. Good word flow, and choice to force the mouth to tell the story of desire. Nice rhythm. It's as though, intentional or not, your sentences get shorter as she gets closer to taking the object of her desire. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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A nice, poetic version of THE tragic tale. Good word flow, and choice to force the mouth to tell the story of desire. Nice rhythm. It's as though, intentional or not, your sentences get shorter as she gets closer to taking the object of her desire. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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I am not sure if I already thanked you for the review. If not, I want you to know I do appreciate your taking the time to read and review my work.
