On the Edge of Deception
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "On the Edge of Deception - Pg11"Mystery, Abuse and Crime
18 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Wow. You got me again... Here I thought Jesse was going to silence Ethan and/or Beth and BAM...a subplot that turns murderous. Yes, so Jesse IS a psychopath! (I just awarded myself a degree in psychology)---and with any luck at all-- can I believe I'm thinking this? It his his blood which will flow most freely this night!
If this were a miniseries on Netflix---I'd be binging through every program and not getting anything done! Oh right--I'm forsaking all household duties anyway.
This is much more interesting than a dust free home!
I've given up pre-guessing your next plot twist. I'm white knuckling and enjoying the ride-- Did I mention I DREAD roller coasters!?
Whoa girl... This is some intense stuff!
Karenina
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Wow. You got me again... Here I thought Jesse was going to silence Ethan and/or Beth and BAM...a subplot that turns murderous. Yes, so Jesse IS a psychopath! (I just awarded myself a degree in psychology)---and with any luck at all-- can I believe I'm thinking this? It his his blood which will flow most freely this night!
If this were a miniseries on Netflix---I'd be binging through every program and not getting anything done! Oh right--I'm forsaking all household duties anyway.
This is much more interesting than a dust free home!
I've given up pre-guessing your next plot twist. I'm white knuckling and enjoying the ride-- Did I mention I DREAD roller coasters!?
Whoa girl... This is some intense stuff!
Karenina
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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I hate roller coasters too but I love mystery and keeping people guessing. It's going to get worse! OOPS! Can't give my secrets away. Smiles, Carol
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Any good writer keeps his/her secrets...
As I mentioned to another writer, sometimes I think I have a handle on where my characters are heading and they seem to take over! Veering left when I planned on them veering right... Probably why I don't think I'd be a successful writer of prose longer than flash fiction!--Karenina
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Oh darn, I forgot to save and just lost all my replies...Oh well, save your eyes for the next chapter and less of my drivel.
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I HATE when that happens.
Ugh!
Karenina
Comment from dmt1967
This is another good chapter. For the most part I was on the edge of my seat but I still felt parts told rather than showed. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
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This is another good chapter. For the most part I was on the edge of my seat but I still felt parts told rather than showed. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
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Thanks - I am trying to work on the action versus my telling... this story means a lot so I want to get it right. Appreciate your input. Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Okay, I am not positive after reading the ending 3 times exactly who is dead and who is alive. I know there's three bodies, but not sure which 3. You might want to recheck this unless you don't want us to know exactly yet who survived.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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Okay, I am not positive after reading the ending 3 times exactly who is dead and who is alive. I know there's three bodies, but not sure which 3. You might want to recheck this unless you don't want us to know exactly yet who survived.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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I don't want you to know until the next chapter - sorry about the cliff hanger. I am so mean! Working on it right now! Smiles - Carol
Comment from Mastery
Hi Carol Great opening hook. "Life doesn't always play out the way we expect. For Jesse, tonight would be one of those nights."
I would strongly advise you put the Whitesnake lyrics in Italics. (One of my fave bands btw. LOL)
Try to alternate the start of your sentences so they don't all begin with a pronoun: (very important!!)
Example: "He switched off the headlights and pulled .....
Or like this: "Switching off the headlights, he pulled........
(You do realize at the rate you are going, I will not be able to read all of your chapters, much less review them. ) *
So sorry, I just don't have that kind of time to devote, my friend. I will do all I can always though. Bob
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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Hi Carol Great opening hook. "Life doesn't always play out the way we expect. For Jesse, tonight would be one of those nights."
I would strongly advise you put the Whitesnake lyrics in Italics. (One of my fave bands btw. LOL)
Try to alternate the start of your sentences so they don't all begin with a pronoun: (very important!!)
Example: "He switched off the headlights and pulled .....
Or like this: "Switching off the headlights, he pulled........
(You do realize at the rate you are going, I will not be able to read all of your chapters, much less review them. ) *
So sorry, I just don't have that kind of time to devote, my friend. I will do all I can always though. Bob
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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I certainly understand. I'll be tied up soon too with my son's film - I have to help him with scene set up and catering - Have to feed the mob! I just wanted to make sure I was catching on to what you thought I should do and moving in the right direction. Never feel you are obligated to help me. I appreciate any suggestions when and if you can. Have a great day! Smiles - Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping--grabbed and held to the devastating ending--glad Ty wasn't killed--I'd inferred from the last chapter that Jesse was going to do him in. Shocking! Stunning detail and dialog; masterfully narrated!
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2021
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Gripping--grabbed and held to the devastating ending--glad Ty wasn't killed--I'd inferred from the last chapter that Jesse was going to do him in. Shocking! Stunning detail and dialog; masterfully narrated!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2021
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Actually, a few days ago that was the plan - but another little thought swept in and the story changed again. LOL Thank you, Liz, for following and being involved with my characters.... even the bad ones.!
Smiles - Carol
Comment from royowen
Well, sheer arrogance is a terrible thing, what appeared in the mind of Miguel was an easy heist, and it turns out the best laid plans of men and mice, bears the malicious fruit of consequence, beautifully written my friend, Roy,
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Well, sheer arrogance is a terrible thing, what appeared in the mind of Miguel was an easy heist, and it turns out the best laid plans of men and mice, bears the malicious fruit of consequence, beautifully written my friend, Roy,
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Thanks, Roy - Yes, these unfortunate young men had no idea what hard work and dedication is about. Instead, they wanted to crash the party so to speak and run off with the goods. It didn't work out that way for them. Appreciate hearing from you as always - Smiles - Carol
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Well done
Comment from lancellot
More exciting tales from the young and the stupid. I guess the smartest guy there was Miguel. He was smart enough not to wait around and I'm assume he didn't get shot, Jesse, Ty and the stupid back roads driver.
It's funny because I know crooks like this. They think half a plan is a whole plan.
Good work.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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More exciting tales from the young and the stupid. I guess the smartest guy there was Miguel. He was smart enough not to wait around and I'm assume he didn't get shot, Jesse, Ty and the stupid back roads driver.
It's funny because I know crooks like this. They think half a plan is a whole plan.
Good work.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Amen - but the tale hasn't ended there yet. I appreciate you reading and reviewing. Your comments are always spot on and add spice to my reading at times. Smiles to you - Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Oh no! Evan will now feel so guilty after that fight with Tyson and he'll probably blame himself. I don't understand why a drug company guy would be doing deliveries in the middle of the night. I hope he reports it the robbery so the bodies will be found.
A couple of times you have Miquel instead of Miguel:
Miquel passed by with another stack of boxes.
Miquel, grab the stuff,
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Oh no! Evan will now feel so guilty after that fight with Tyson and he'll probably blame himself. I don't understand why a drug company guy would be doing deliveries in the middle of the night. I hope he reports it the robbery so the bodies will be found.
A couple of times you have Miquel instead of Miguel:
Miquel passed by with another stack of boxes.
Miquel, grab the stuff,
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Hi, Helen - Ethan will feel quilty, but only time will tell how he deals with it. He was delivering at night because the community hospital was very low on supplies and they thought the hijackers wouldn't be on the backroads.
Thanks for pointing out my mistakes with Miguel...
Smiles to you - Carol
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Surprisingly, the editor didn't find it unusual so it must be a real name, too.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I was way off track as to where I thought this going. Now I'm just going to sit back and wait for what happens next to get a line on what's next. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Well, I was way off track as to where I thought this going. Now I'm just going to sit back and wait for what happens next to get a line on what's next. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Glad I surprised you! You can never tell with me - I head in one direction and discover I landed somewhere else instead. LOL Thanks again for reading. Smiles to you - Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Begin Again
what an amazing story about the high jacking that didn't plan out as planed. You had me in suspense I found out in the end of what happened. Well I found out not a pretty sight to behold.
Gert
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Begin Again
what an amazing story about the high jacking that didn't plan out as planed. You had me in suspense I found out in the end of what happened. Well I found out not a pretty sight to behold.
Gert
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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More to come my friend....Thanks so much Gert for reading and following the story. I appreciate it very much. Smiles to you - Carol
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You are welcome
Begin Again. I'm wondering did I give you six which you deserve.
Gert
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Yes, ma'am - But I didn't notice it till I saw it in my messages which I immediately responded to. I didn't expect a six, so I didn't see it in your review. You are awesome, and I thank you many times over. Smiles!
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You are welcome BeginAgain
Gert
