Bye Bye Biggie
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Bye Bye Biggie. Hello Angel."Young love and old wounds revisited.
3 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Lin, another well written part to this story. I think you captured the green haired Asian girl's desperate reaction to the corpse very well. But who is she? And when she sees the two men, she flees without thought of shoes and other unnecessary belongings. All best.Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Hi Lin, another well written part to this story. I think you captured the green haired Asian girl's desperate reaction to the corpse very well. But who is she? And when she sees the two men, she flees without thought of shoes and other unnecessary belongings. All best.Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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I need to go back and include the small bio I included in one of the other chapters. Biggie is a ward of Zee?s. She took a savage beating as a child from her stepfather that left her with a speech problem and a fear of people. Her Mother died when she was about 9. Before she died, She asked Zee to keep her. She is a citizen of Canada and is living in the States without a passport or green card. She is 18 years old now, but has the emotional age of a child. And now in big trouble. Sorry that is not known. I?ve been writing these characters for 15 years. I just assume my readers know the characters. Me bad.
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It would be good to have some back story. You have provided me with some and that's great, but a wider audience will need it as well.:)))
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
This is a gorgeous piece of writing. The nuance and emotion is so raw and real. I could feel her pain and scrappiness. What a heroine you have created in this sharp and richly layered tale.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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This is a gorgeous piece of writing. The nuance and emotion is so raw and real. I could feel her pain and scrappiness. What a heroine you have created in this sharp and richly layered tale.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Thanks for your kind words and generous review.
Comment from Erika Seshadri
Hi, this is quite an interesting story. It kept my attention, and had me so curious, I went neck to read the first two chapters.
My suggestion to you is to slow the flow of the story a little bit. Add more details. For example, I think you need to take a little more time to introduce Biggie and Stella. They pop right into the story with no background in chapter two, and then Biggie is a main character in chapter three, but we don't know anything about her at all. In fact, just reading chapter three, I didn't know for a while if Biggie was male or female. It gets a little confusing to try to picture everything that's happening when the pace is so fast and the details are so vague.
With more backstory and character development, it could really be great. Hope this is helpful.
Have a great Monday.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Hi, this is quite an interesting story. It kept my attention, and had me so curious, I went neck to read the first two chapters.
My suggestion to you is to slow the flow of the story a little bit. Add more details. For example, I think you need to take a little more time to introduce Biggie and Stella. They pop right into the story with no background in chapter two, and then Biggie is a main character in chapter three, but we don't know anything about her at all. In fact, just reading chapter three, I didn't know for a while if Biggie was male or female. It gets a little confusing to try to picture everything that's happening when the pace is so fast and the details are so vague.
With more backstory and character development, it could really be great. Hope this is helpful.
Have a great Monday.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Thanks much for the suggestions. I guess my problem is that I?ve been writing the characters for so many years....I have a dedicated audience and never want to bore them with the back story. I used to read Robert B Parker Spenser novels. He wrote many books with the same characters...and I never could figure out how someone just picking up book 20 would know the backstory unless he told it Everytime in every book. I?m still trying to figure it out. I?m sure it?s something simple....like....slow down and tell the story! Thanks for reading and reviewing.
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Yes, you're right, if you have readers that have been following your work for a while and someone new comes in, it's definitely a different kind of read. The good news, is, the backstory or descriptions don't have to be deep. Sometimes just adding an extra sentence here or there to lay it out is sufficient. You don't want to bore your old readers, but you also don't want to lose your new ones. It's definitely a delicate balance... Thanks for the review nomination.
