Paradise Lost
Lovely Eden was...19 total reviews
Comment from WriterHeather
You have painted a beautiful picture of the Garden of Eden! It sounds like it was a wonderful place. I think you will win this contest! I really can't imagine why you wouldn't!
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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You have painted a beautiful picture of the Garden of Eden! It sounds like it was a wonderful place. I think you will win this contest! I really can't imagine why you wouldn't!
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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Thank you, I hope I do win but we'll see what happens. I appreciate this great review. :)
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
What an amazing poem. Well written with a great flow and rhyme scheme. You have perfected the garden of eden with your words. Beautiful photo to compliment your poem as well. Good luck in the contest. This will do awesome.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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What an amazing poem. Well written with a great flow and rhyme scheme. You have perfected the garden of eden with your words. Beautiful photo to compliment your poem as well. Good luck in the contest. This will do awesome.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Thank you for this exceptional review, I really appreciate it. It means a lot to me. :)
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Your welcome
Comment from AprilViolet
You are so right! You need to be careful in this life because there are so many ways the devil can trick you! Exceptional poem! I like the way you told a story from beginning to end! Six stars!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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You are so right! You need to be careful in this life because there are so many ways the devil can trick you! Exceptional poem! I like the way you told a story from beginning to end! Six stars!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Thank you for this outstanding review...it's very appreciated. :)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You created a beautiful garden here in your poem, but underlying all of it is a touch of evil, since then there has been deceit and lies in our lives and I can't see i changing, a poignant write, clever rhymes and a lesson we are still learning, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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You created a beautiful garden here in your poem, but underlying all of it is a touch of evil, since then there has been deceit and lies in our lives and I can't see i changing, a poignant write, clever rhymes and a lesson we are still learning, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Thank you for this thoughtful review. :)
Comment from Lori Fritz
Nice job. 1st paragraph and 2nd to lsst paragraph need edited. Sometimes it good to slow down and reread our poetry before we click submit. Iike your take on an old biblical story. Very nice.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Nice job. 1st paragraph and 2nd to lsst paragraph need edited. Sometimes it good to slow down and reread our poetry before we click submit. Iike your take on an old biblical story. Very nice.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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I did some editing. Thank you for reading my poem and for your help....it's really appreciated. :)
Comment from Susan Newell
I'm going to award this a reluctant five, because it starts off so well and is generally very good. But near the end, there are a couple of problems.
the innocence from them was took. -- I don't think correct verb usage should be sacrificed for rhyme
life was never was the same again. -- you have an extra "was"
This is just my opinion, but I don't like the implication that it was about not eating apples, when it was the knowledge of the tree of good and evil that was forbidden. I think your poem would be improved if somehow you worked that in. I know the apple is a common metaphor, but I think, now that we are literate and can read the Bible ourselves, that it's purpose has gone by the wayside.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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I'm going to award this a reluctant five, because it starts off so well and is generally very good. But near the end, there are a couple of problems.
the innocence from them was took. -- I don't think correct verb usage should be sacrificed for rhyme
life was never was the same again. -- you have an extra "was"
This is just my opinion, but I don't like the implication that it was about not eating apples, when it was the knowledge of the tree of good and evil that was forbidden. I think your poem would be improved if somehow you worked that in. I know the apple is a common metaphor, but I think, now that we are literate and can read the Bible ourselves, that it's purpose has gone by the wayside.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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You make an excellent point. I guess I was worried about it being too long, and assumed that everyone knew the story. My daughter agrees with you however, that not everyone knows the story. I'm going to add a stanza, in the hopes that it will at least cause people to look it up further. Thank you for reading and for the suggestion, you are always very helpful. :)
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Wendy G
You have expressed the story very well. I would suggest in the third last stanza, instead of saying "was took" (which grammatically should be "was taken" you replace it with "he took" (referring to Satan), which keeps the rhythm. Also in the fifth stanza, it should read "quiet", not "quite". Just little things but if you edit these it would be smoother. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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You have expressed the story very well. I would suggest in the third last stanza, instead of saying "was took" (which grammatically should be "was taken" you replace it with "he took" (referring to Satan), which keeps the rhythm. Also in the fifth stanza, it should read "quiet", not "quite". Just little things but if you edit these it would be smoother. Best wishes.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Thank you for reading my poem and for the correction. I appreciate both. :)
Comment from Sharon Davis
A comprehensive description of the Garden of Eden, a place of peace and serenity until infiltrated by sin. A well stated message at the conclusion of the piece reinforces the theme proposed by the title...Paradise Lost. Well thought out and presented.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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A comprehensive description of the Garden of Eden, a place of peace and serenity until infiltrated by sin. A well stated message at the conclusion of the piece reinforces the theme proposed by the title...Paradise Lost. Well thought out and presented.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Thank you for this wonderful review, I really appreciate it. :)
Comment from Anne Johnston
A well written poem, good rhyming and a great description of the Garden of Eden and all the beautiful things that the Lord created. But because of sin, man fell. Thankfully, Jesus came to redeem us from sin. I like the way you ended your poem.
"Be wary of the Devil's ways,
he'll try to trick you all your days.
But trust in God to see you through,
he's there to keep you safe that's true."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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A well written poem, good rhyming and a great description of the Garden of Eden and all the beautiful things that the Lord created. But because of sin, man fell. Thankfully, Jesus came to redeem us from sin. I like the way you ended your poem.
"Be wary of the Devil's ways,
he'll try to trick you all your days.
But trust in God to see you through,
he's there to keep you safe that's true."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Thank you for this nice review, I really appreciate it. I hope you and your family are having a Happy Easter. :)
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You are welcome, and a Happy Easter to you
