On the Edge of Deception
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "On the Edge of Deception - Rev 5"Mystery, Abuse and Crime
16 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Grrrr. I'm about ready to burst! Damn Dwight...and Good Gravy Marie...isn't that Nancy a piece of work? She left her bar cash at the house? Drumming charges up to grad theft? You've got my dander up girlfriend! NOW I HAVE to read the next chapter, just to see what this abusive so-called father does to win an Academy Award for lying in a non-supporting role! (Maybe we'll have take out for dinner tonight?)--- Karenina
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Grrrr. I'm about ready to burst! Damn Dwight...and Good Gravy Marie...isn't that Nancy a piece of work? She left her bar cash at the house? Drumming charges up to grad theft? You've got my dander up girlfriend! NOW I HAVE to read the next chapter, just to see what this abusive so-called father does to win an Academy Award for lying in a non-supporting role! (Maybe we'll have take out for dinner tonight?)--- Karenina
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Prepare yourself for Chap. 7 - I will be hearing you explode all the way to my house. So sorry about your dinner ...You can stop and come back you know. I read to other writers this same way - started and couldn't stop. It just seems to own you! Smiles - Carol
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Oh, RICH! He is a scumbag! He forgives BETH? Why I'd like to bop him on the head... On BOTH heads (If you get my meaning)---- Crap! I'm hungry! (smile)---Karenina
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He's a scumbag for sure! His time will come but not yet, unfortunately...
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Alright...seriously, I am this close to shutting down my laptop... Supper is essential for marital bliss after all. I'm leaving with a smile though...because YOU HAVE PROMISED "Father-Dearest" will get HIS!--- Oh! He's home! Bye!--Karenina
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
The accusations are continuing and until Beth makes an appearance she is under huge suspicion. The best thing to do here is for Ethan to question Beth about her injuries and then contact the police department.
Ralf
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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The accusations are continuing and until Beth makes an appearance she is under huge suspicion. The best thing to do here is for Ethan to question Beth about her injuries and then contact the police department.
Ralf
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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that would be the best thing but I don't see it happening. She's carrying too much baggage and guilt about her family life. Like they say - battered women stay until it's too late. So sad! Thanks again - Smiles! Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Tangled webs we weave - Page 5
On the Edge of Deception - PG5
Begin Again you were right when you told me chapter 5 is wild.
I don't know how make your story flowing and humorous at the same time. And I will say it again your dialogue is really good
When are they going to find Beth?
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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Tangled webs we weave - Page 5
On the Edge of Deception - PG5
Begin Again you were right when you told me chapter 5 is wild.
I don't know how make your story flowing and humorous at the same time. And I will say it again your dialogue is really good
When are they going to find Beth?
Comment Written 31-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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Hi Gert - Hope all is well with you! I am thrilled you read this chapter as well because it helped pull the story together for you. I appreciate you following and glad you are enjoying it. Smiles! Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh, what lying b....s they are!! The thing is, that young lad who found her knows she was belt whipped, he needs to come forward, so does Beth to show them all what her dad did to her. This is going from bad to worse for that young girl, at least she has Bert on her side, she knows Beth wouldn't have done that.
I like the new title, On the Edge of Deception, it's perfect. Now I want to know that Beth is okay and that the boy believes her. They said she went off unharmed, he knows that was a lie. Another great chapter, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Oh, what lying b....s they are!! The thing is, that young lad who found her knows she was belt whipped, he needs to come forward, so does Beth to show them all what her dad did to her. This is going from bad to worse for that young girl, at least she has Bert on her side, she knows Beth wouldn't have done that.
I like the new title, On the Edge of Deception, it's perfect. Now I want to know that Beth is okay and that the boy believes her. They said she went off unharmed, he knows that was a lie. Another great chapter, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 31-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Hey, good afternoon! I'll be posting the continuation in a few minutes - I had to grocery shopping first. If I follow what my mind is telling me, there will be many twists and bad things before Beth is cleared. As I said, it will be a roller coaster ride. Glad you like the new title - the story, in the beginning, was just between Beth and her dad...but now it's growing into something much bigger. Thanks again! Smiles to you! Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can't wait until Brett gets finished with Dwight. He's lying and is going to do great harm to his daughter. He's needs to be in prison for life.
As the barrage of questions continued, Triston stepped away from the podium, sat down, and ceremoniously crossed her arms against her chest, waiting for silence. (omit 'down', it's an extra word and isn't needed)
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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I can't wait until Brett gets finished with Dwight. He's lying and is going to do great harm to his daughter. He's needs to be in prison for life.
As the barrage of questions continued, Triston stepped away from the podium, sat down, and ceremoniously crossed her arms against her chest, waiting for silence. (omit 'down', it's an extra word and isn't needed)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Thanks Barbara. Yes at some point bad things will happen to Dwight and he'll pay for his evilness....but unfortunately it won't happen soon and Beth will have bad things happen to her. Thanks for reading and the review. I always appreciate it. Smiles Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I'm glad that Bert believes in Beth and sees all the false information and accusations they set up. Wonder if Nancy helped to bash Dwight's head like that.
I think some details could be reduced like what kind of donut Sargeant Triston eats etc. It doesn't really help the picture and adds to the length.
Question:
and in typical Triston fashion, she like the girl. (liked?)
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Well, I'm glad that Bert believes in Beth and sees all the false information and accusations they set up. Wonder if Nancy helped to bash Dwight's head like that.
I think some details could be reduced like what kind of donut Sargeant Triston eats etc. It doesn't really help the picture and adds to the length.
Question:
and in typical Triston fashion, she like the girl. (liked?)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Helen, Thank you for stopping by and reading and commenting on my story. I appreciate it. I've been getting some pointers from a "pro" and was told I should paint a bigger picture - thus Triston's donut. Just experimenting with things. I do appreciate you pointing things out and telling me your opinions. After all, in the end, it's the reader I need to please. Smiles to you - Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping! Stupendous episode--vivid rendition of bustling press conference--you nailed the dialog!
sugg:
Barricades were placed at each end of the block, allowing the news media trucks, police cars, and reporters parking access [COMMA] since the street was relatively narrow.
black coffee [omit: no cream]
icy [omit: cold] stare
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Gripping! Stupendous episode--vivid rendition of bustling press conference--you nailed the dialog!
sugg:
Barricades were placed at each end of the block, allowing the news media trucks, police cars, and reporters parking access [COMMA] since the street was relatively narrow.
black coffee [omit: no cream]
icy [omit: cold] stare
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Hello, Liz - Thank you for stopping by to read another chapter of the story and give me suggestions. I appreciate it very much. I've asked a "pro" and it was suggested I be a bit more descriptive - thus the added words. He says it's a book not a short. i am thankful for your help though, because in the end it is the reader that I must make happy or they don't read - right? Thanks again.
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A few extra words won't stop me!
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Thanks for the chuckle! Have a great day!
Now I have to work on using less speech tags - that's a hard one for me.
Comment from Carol Clark2
Another well-written and suspenseful chapter! I like the new title. Your dialogue is realistic, and the press conference is well done. Bringing in Mr. C. in a wheelchair is a nice touch to garner favor toward him. Looking forward to the rest of the press conference. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Another well-written and suspenseful chapter! I like the new title. Your dialogue is realistic, and the press conference is well done. Bringing in Mr. C. in a wheelchair is a nice touch to garner favor toward him. Looking forward to the rest of the press conference. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Thanks Carol - It was a struggle but I think it sounds realistic. i watched one on google to get an idea, but of course it wasn't for the same crime, but it helped. Glad you like the title - Once my brain shifted into gear - and thoughts of how this story was going to unravel - I needed a new title. No longer was it going to be about four walls. Thanks again - Carol
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Happy writing today. Carol
Comment from eliz100
You are so right the story outgrew the title. You have moved the story along. I am looking forward to the next installment. This was a great lead from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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You are so right the story outgrew the title. You have moved the story along. I am looking forward to the next installment. This was a great lead from beginning to end.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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I just finished the next chapter (the end of the press conference) and here you are. Awesome! I'll wait to post in the morning so I don't have people reading the chapters out of order. Besides, I should reread it and reread it again because I always miss something. When I started the story it was only about him beating her but now it's growing into so much more. Thanks again for following. I appreciate it so much. Smiles to you!
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's always nice to have someone who believes in you and your innocence when the deck is stacked against you, and of course one believer doesn't offer much credence against a quadrant of liars. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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It's always nice to have someone who believes in you and your innocence when the deck is stacked against you, and of course one believer doesn't offer much credence against a quadrant of liars. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Yes, but I have the pen in hand and shall make these creeps pay in the end!!! Many twists and turns to come! And thank you for making my day with your shiny stars. I struggled for two days to write this press conference, I hope it came off as sounding close to the real thing. You're the best! Smiles to you!
