Haiku 2021
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Refreshment"Haiku Club Submissions 2021
20 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Refreshment
by Debra White
Hello, Debra,
Great Entry for the Haiku Club challenge. Good syllables count. I love the presentation and imagery. Wonderful metaphor of musician and hummingbird.... very clever. The connection and flow can be improved.
Example....
tiny musicians
meet at the watering hole -
humming and buzzing
Complete thought on each line, don't end with a preposition.
Well done my friend. Thank you very much for participating in the club.
musicians meet at
communal watering hole -
humming and buzzing
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Refreshment
by Debra White
Hello, Debra,
Great Entry for the Haiku Club challenge. Good syllables count. I love the presentation and imagery. Wonderful metaphor of musician and hummingbird.... very clever. The connection and flow can be improved.
Example....
tiny musicians
meet at the watering hole -
humming and buzzing
Complete thought on each line, don't end with a preposition.
Well done my friend. Thank you very much for participating in the club.
musicians meet at
communal watering hole -
humming and buzzing
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Hello Gypsy :)
Thank you so much for your thorough feedback and for your guidance. I appreciate both so much.
Thanks again, Debra
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ps: I have made the edit as suggested. Thank you again.
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You are welcome, my friend :)
Comment from Erika Seshadri
What a unique, great take on this photo! Lovely 5-7-5. I can imagine it now... although can they hum and buzz with their moths full of water? Inquiring minds want to know, lol.
Cheers!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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What a unique, great take on this photo! Lovely 5-7-5. I can imagine it now... although can they hum and buzz with their moths full of water? Inquiring minds want to know, lol.
Cheers!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Haha! I'll have to do some research!
Thank you for your lovely feedback, Erika :)
Best wishes, Debra
Comment from Sally Law
This is fun in every way. What a cool photo and the essence of spring depicted here. A lovely presentation and response to the writing prompt, dear Debra.
Sending you my best today as always, and my best wishes for the challenge,
Sal XOs....
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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This is fun in every way. What a cool photo and the essence of spring depicted here. A lovely presentation and response to the writing prompt, dear Debra.
Sending you my best today as always, and my best wishes for the challenge,
Sal XOs....
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much, Sal :)
Best wishes, Debra x
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a nicely written 5-7-5 poem. I like your choice of words. Musicians meet at communal watering hole. Humming and buzzing. Beautiful photo choice to compliment your poem.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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This is a nicely written 5-7-5 poem. I like your choice of words. Musicians meet at communal watering hole. Humming and buzzing. Beautiful photo choice to compliment your poem.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Thank you for your feedback, Joanne :) Best wishes, Debra
Comment from padumachitta
hello
this is a sweet and cheerful poem...and it is well crafted. I enjoyed the image and in fact will sit by my bird feeder for a break in my day...
Ah...the old office water cooler...
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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hello
this is a sweet and cheerful poem...and it is well crafted. I enjoyed the image and in fact will sit by my bird feeder for a break in my day...
Ah...the old office water cooler...
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Hello :) Thank you so much for your lovely feedback. It all happens at the water cooler! LOL
Best wishes, Debra
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great image and even better poem. I hope sir David gets a chance to read it some day. Very clever and well done. It brought a smile.
Not sure you need to define words such as watering hole, refreshment and buzzing though. The poem stands on its own just fine.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Great image and even better poem. I hope sir David gets a chance to read it some day. Very clever and well done. It brought a smile.
Not sure you need to define words such as watering hole, refreshment and buzzing though. The poem stands on its own just fine.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Hi :) Thank you so much for your lovely feedback. I appreciate it!
I know I didn't need to provide a glossary for those particular words, but because they have multiple meanings, the poem can be interpreted in different ways :)
Best wishes, Debra
Comment from Susan Newell
Debra, you are so good at observation and have written another novel haiku that addresses sounds, not sights. I wish this were in a contest, because it would be a winner to me.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Debra, you are so good at observation and have written another novel haiku that addresses sounds, not sights. I wish this were in a contest, because it would be a winner to me.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much, Susan, for your lovely feedback. You're very kind!
Best wishes, Debra :)
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You are welcome.
Comment from PENofFIRE
How clever of you. Love the words you chose to paint a picture of nature's melody. A renewing of energy and comradery. Great job. The artwork you chose for this piece works well.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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How clever of you. Love the words you chose to paint a picture of nature's melody. A renewing of energy and comradery. Great job. The artwork you chose for this piece works well.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for your lovely feedback. Best wishes, Debra :)
Comment from royowen
I can tell you that's true that musicians meet at a common or communal watering hole, when I was lead singing in a rock group in the sixties, we spent a fair amount of time in the pub and clubs, well done, good job, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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I can tell you that's true that musicians meet at a common or communal watering hole, when I was lead singing in a rock group in the sixties, we spent a fair amount of time in the pub and clubs, well done, good job, blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Thank you for your feedback, Roy :) Best wishes, Debra
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Most welcome Debra.
Comment from dragonpoet
NIce metaphor for the music of nature. The humming and buzzing of bees do provide some of nature's sound effects. The poem seems to be ekphrastic, describing the artwork well.
It is a good club entry.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
dp
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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NIce metaphor for the music of nature. The humming and buzzing of bees do provide some of nature's sound effects. The poem seems to be ekphrastic, describing the artwork well.
It is a good club entry.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
dp
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Hello :) Thank you for your lovely feedback. Yes, the poem is ekphrastic... I found the picture and just had to write something to go with it! Thanks again, Best wishes, Debra
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No problem, Deb. I understand completely.
Joan
