On the Edge of Deception
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "On The Edge of Deception - Rev 4"Mystery, Abuse and Crime
15 total reviews
Comment from karenina
First: I'd buy this book and devout it in one sitting, I swear!
Second: Kudos once again for the masterful way you weave your descriptions and make your dialogue SO believable! Even now, if I jus read the words one of your characters uttered, I'd know who was talking. Always a sign of good writing!
Third through three millionth: Again I'm feeling lost in the Twilight Zone! How'd I miss all these chapters? Supper is going to be late tonight...I will read just one more...
(Of course, I said that after chapter one, then two...)
The smartest thing I've done recently is "fanned" you!
Karenina
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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First: I'd buy this book and devout it in one sitting, I swear!
Second: Kudos once again for the masterful way you weave your descriptions and make your dialogue SO believable! Even now, if I jus read the words one of your characters uttered, I'd know who was talking. Always a sign of good writing!
Third through three millionth: Again I'm feeling lost in the Twilight Zone! How'd I miss all these chapters? Supper is going to be late tonight...I will read just one more...
(Of course, I said that after chapter one, then two...)
The smartest thing I've done recently is "fanned" you!
Karenina
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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And me you! Karenina you have been so good for me... I can't even tell you. I was going through a very difficult time and was even thinking of not writing. I can't thank you enough for all you encouragement and how you lift my spirits. Thank you - Carol
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Hmmmm. I have your story in my heart like a crack addict needs a hit! (Only in a very good way)---
I'm hooked...hook, line and sinker...
filet me! I'm done! Put a fork in it--this story is So darn good! (subtext: Fish...Maybe take out fish from our Big Y grocery store? That will buy me another installment!--Crazed fan alert!---Karenina
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Because of her father, Beth is being sought. His lies about her may affect
Ethan's view of her. But it must be plain to see with her bruises and cuts, who the victim is here. Also, she doesn't appear to have anything with her.
Hopefully, the truth will soon air.
Ralf
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Because of her father, Beth is being sought. His lies about her may affect
Ethan's view of her. But it must be plain to see with her bruises and cuts, who the victim is here. Also, she doesn't appear to have anything with her.
Hopefully, the truth will soon air.
Ralf
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Hi, Ralf - Didn't realize you hadn't read the story. We've left you behind - sorry. LOL Ethan is the least of her worries. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. If you continue, there is one chapter that someone said was "rough" but everyone else thought it was good. I just wanted to warn you in case you preferred to skip it. The last sentence in the chapter before it will give you a clue. Thanks! Smiles - Carol
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I don't want to skip anything. LOL
Ralf
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Great! I just didn't want to offend anyone. Smiles to you and thank you!
Comment from Ric Myworld
The truth always comes out they say, but I'm one who thinks the whole truth is never fully revealed by the evidence. Only the bits and pieces of the puzzle that fit. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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The truth always comes out they say, but I'm one who thinks the whole truth is never fully revealed by the evidence. Only the bits and pieces of the puzzle that fit. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Good morning! Yes, bits and pieces and what lies behind each person's heart! It should be interesting - if I can ever get past this press conference - so out of my league. Smiles to you, my friend. Thanks for stopping by!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Something certainly is off! I'm glad Bert knows her, and she trusts her own instincts. But what will Ethan do now? I hope he doesn't hand her over to her father, that would be the worst thing possible. Now I've to wait for the next part. :))
I took a look at your other reviews and can tell you that publishing with Amazon Kindle is as easy as making a pie. I've got about 12 books published on there. My latest most likely will be too. I've also got another one waiting to be published. It doesn't cost you a dime and is so easy to follow. If you decide to go that way, I can help. Warm hugs and love, :)) Sandra
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Something certainly is off! I'm glad Bert knows her, and she trusts her own instincts. But what will Ethan do now? I hope he doesn't hand her over to her father, that would be the worst thing possible. Now I've to wait for the next part. :))
I took a look at your other reviews and can tell you that publishing with Amazon Kindle is as easy as making a pie. I've got about 12 books published on there. My latest most likely will be too. I've also got another one waiting to be published. It doesn't cost you a dime and is so easy to follow. If you decide to go that way, I can help. Warm hugs and love, :)) Sandra
Comment Written 30-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2021
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Sandra, you are the best! I've been up all night struggling with this "press conference," lol, and knowing I have 3 weeks of assisting my son with his film approaching is killing me. Considering all the effort it's taking; I honestly would love to see some of my work in print, a gift to me. My Mom and Mike hounded me all the time to do it. I regret I didn't attempt it sooner. Thanks for the offer. We will do this! Smiles, hugs, and much love to you! Carol
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Let me know whenever you're ready. It will be my pleasure. It's a wonderful feeling to hold your own book in your hands and know that people on the other side of the world is reading it!
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Your thought made me get a little giddy. Foolish old lady I am! Smiles!
Comment from Judy Lawless
Another great chapter of suspense, Carol! You really should turn this into a novel! You've done a good job of introducing new characters and locations, and deceptions. I'll be watching for the next "Chapter"!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Another great chapter of suspense, Carol! You really should turn this into a novel! You've done a good job of introducing new characters and locations, and deceptions. I'll be watching for the next "Chapter"!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Hi Judy. I have written numerous of these stores (too short for a novel, but enough to entertain). I've been seriously thinking about combining them into a group of shorts and maybe self-publishing. I don't know too much about it, but others seem to think it would be the thing to do. I've considered making novels, but I am too impatient and want to draw the reader in and reward them with the ending instead of dragging out to 50,000 words. Any opinions or suggestions? Smiles!
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I can understand your impatience. I'm starting to get that way with my novel, but I'm hoping that when one thing is resolved, I can come up with new ones to carry on. I doubt that I'll make it to 50,000 words though! lol Look up the definition of a Novella. I'm not sure what the word count is for that, but it might be what you're looking for. I've self-published a couple of books, so can give some advice on that if you decide to do it.
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Awesome - I'm not very technical saavy and many have said go to Amazon or Kindle, but do you just submit your story or are there other steps like covers etc.
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I?m not sure about Amazon or Kindle. I might check them out if I decide to publish this book.
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Btw don?t miss my last chapter before the promotion ends.😀
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Oh, heck - I thought I read it. on my way in a minute. Thanks!
Comment from BethShelby
I wrote this review but I don't think it went through. I am enjoying the story. I'm bald that Bert doesn't believe a word Beth's father is saying and I'm looking forward to finding out what Ethan will do about what he just learned on TV.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I wrote this review but I don't think it went through. I am enjoying the story. I'm bald that Bert doesn't believe a word Beth's father is saying and I'm looking forward to finding out what Ethan will do about what he just learned on TV.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Hi Beth - Did auto correct get you? I hope you are not "bald" from my story. LOL Just teasing you! Thanks for continuing to follow the story and I appreciate the review. Smiles!
Comment from eliz100
This is an exciting part of your story. It flows well from beginning to end. look forward to the next installment. I continue to enjoy your use of space and your font choice.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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This is an exciting part of your story. It flows well from beginning to end. look forward to the next installment. I continue to enjoy your use of space and your font choice.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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My eyesight screams for help and it makes it much easier to work with. Thanks for reading and for understanding the larger print. Some don't. Glad you enjoyed the story so far. Thanks again!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am sure Bert will find the correct answers; not this garbage her dad is attempting to publish. I'm sure some people will see it for what it's worth. I am enjoying reading this story.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I am sure Bert will find the correct answers; not this garbage her dad is attempting to publish. I'm sure some people will see it for what it's worth. I am enjoying reading this story.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Thanks, Barbara. i think it will be a tangled weave but somehow the truth will reveal itself in the end. Appreciate your kindness. Smiles, Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
And the polt thickens. Duh duh DUH!
At least this kid seems nice - but how will he react to the news he's just seen? Will he call immediately? Will he wait?
I think you may need to address the question of why he didn't immediately take her to the hospital? Just explain his thought process, maybe?
Other:
1.) or a quiet place along the river bank when he needed to recharge.
--> didn't understand this part
2.) Also, it's still nighttime right? So describing the neatly trimmed boxwoods is a little inappropriate since they really can't be seen right now - correct?
3.) Checking out (the fridge for) a few boxes of (leftover) takeout containers,
4.) chair, focusing on the (TV) as he raised the volume.
5.) The (s)heriff has requested that the public report
6.) (")She was last seen wearing a white shirt
Thanks a bunch!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Carol,
And the polt thickens. Duh duh DUH!
At least this kid seems nice - but how will he react to the news he's just seen? Will he call immediately? Will he wait?
I think you may need to address the question of why he didn't immediately take her to the hospital? Just explain his thought process, maybe?
Other:
1.) or a quiet place along the river bank when he needed to recharge.
--> didn't understand this part
2.) Also, it's still nighttime right? So describing the neatly trimmed boxwoods is a little inappropriate since they really can't be seen right now - correct?
3.) Checking out (the fridge for) a few boxes of (leftover) takeout containers,
4.) chair, focusing on the (TV) as he raised the volume.
5.) The (s)heriff has requested that the public report
6.) (")She was last seen wearing a white shirt
Thanks a bunch!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I've been making some changes, so a few of these I caught, but I always appreciate your kindness and help. I can look at something, think I changed it, and bingo - I did not. Your eyes are far better than mine! Thanks so much for your help. Smiles to you!
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Teamwork!
Comment from Susan Newell
Wow! The suspense keeps building. The only question I have regarding the plot is how old Ethan is. I thought he was an older teen, but he has a house and drinks beer. Maybe a little clarity would help. Also, is Ric going to play a larger role? If not, he seems unnecessary. Keep the chapters coming.
A few typos:
facedown is one word
tv = TV
Beginning " needed before "She was last seen
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Wow! The suspense keeps building. The only question I have regarding the plot is how old Ethan is. I thought he was an older teen, but he has a house and drinks beer. Maybe a little clarity would help. Also, is Ric going to play a larger role? If not, he seems unnecessary. Keep the chapters coming.
A few typos:
facedown is one word
tv = TV
Beginning " needed before "She was last seen
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Great thoughts, Susan. It's a rental home - and I guess I imagined Ethan and Tyson as college boys ( need some rethinking). I could have Beth with an upcoming birthday to move their ages closer. Ric is a detective, and Gigi is a DCFS caseworker, so my thought was he would have more accurate information, and GIGI had just arrived at the station. Does that clear it up, or do I need to rewrite it? Thanks for your suggestions. Always open to your thoughts. Smiles! Carol Going back to reread again!
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I think I missed Ric being a detective. If he was in an early chapter, I may have forgotten him and need a little refresher. It would help to go back and have Ethan and Tyson saying something about classes the next day and maybe mention an exam in English Lit 304 or something like that. It would also help to know that Ethan shares a house with others, if he does. The guest room would be sketchy for a college kid.
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Good idea and thanks for your help. I tried to nominate you again but it won't let me. I will rethink this chapter again and see where I can adjust. Smiles!
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You have a very good story going here.
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i just made a few changes in the first paragraph. If you have time, do you mind seeing what you think and if it helps clear up anything? Smiles
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Do you mean the intro paragraph and "basketball jocks?" If so, why not add "college students and"
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I just did! But it was the next paragraph. Someone else said it wasn't clear. So I made a few changes.
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That paragraph is fine. I didn't have a problem to begin with. Shrug. :-)
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Chuckling! I love you, my friend. Thanks so much!
