Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Football Chapter 13 part 2"A mother faces life's struggles.
27 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Haha, some awkward moments when Katherine walked into the locker room. That's some good reading.
I noticed you have Katherine speaking aloud a lot when she's by herself. I don't recall that happening in previous chapters. It could just as easily have been italicized as her thoughts. I pointed this out below, but then noticed it again just before Gabriel discovered her in the locker room. You might want to take a look that them.
"It's six o'clock. I'd better hurry. Gabriel's probably still at practice. I'll leave it on his desk." [This seems like an awful lot of speaking. Wouldn't it be better as italicized thought?]
Other than the above, the story went fine. I look forward to your chapters every week.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Haha, some awkward moments when Katherine walked into the locker room. That's some good reading.
I noticed you have Katherine speaking aloud a lot when she's by herself. I don't recall that happening in previous chapters. It could just as easily have been italicized as her thoughts. I pointed this out below, but then noticed it again just before Gabriel discovered her in the locker room. You might want to take a look that them.
"It's six o'clock. I'd better hurry. Gabriel's probably still at practice. I'll leave it on his desk." [This seems like an awful lot of speaking. Wouldn't it be better as italicized thought?]
Other than the above, the story went fine. I look forward to your chapters every week.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I changed it to italics. I had an editor one time tell me to watch the use of italics so I hesitate. Thank you for the kind review.
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I know what your editor meant about the use of italics too. There is a subtler way of blending her thoughts into the narrative, but that you just have to develop a feel for that by continually stopping your reading of any of the established, or great, writers and asking yourself how they communicate thoughts. Most of them use that narrative blending (which is only what I clumsily call it).
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
Now that's how rumors get started, isn't it? Katherine trying to do the right thing for her girls - Gabriel cleaning himself up for the school board meeting - not what either of them expected at that moment, I am sure. When I saw your picture, I could not imagine how it was going to be interwoven into the story. Great job. I look forward to the next chapter.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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barbara:
Now that's how rumors get started, isn't it? Katherine trying to do the right thing for her girls - Gabriel cleaning himself up for the school board meeting - not what either of them expected at that moment, I am sure. When I saw your picture, I could not imagine how it was going to be interwoven into the story. Great job. I look forward to the next chapter.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
This was pretty funny. If that Gabriel, he is extremely well built. I would be embarrassed too if I saw that guy just wearing a towel. When I was in college I didn't realize the girls swim class was in the basement of the boy's dorm. I went upstairs looking for a restroom, only to find guys in all stages of undress.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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This was pretty funny. If that Gabriel, he is extremely well built. I would be embarrassed too if I saw that guy just wearing a towel. When I was in college I didn't realize the girls swim class was in the basement of the boy's dorm. I went upstairs looking for a restroom, only to find guys in all stages of undress.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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LOL Thank you for the kind review and story.
Comment from lancellot
You know, reading the notes it suddenly occurred to me that at this point, I'm not sure what the novel is about. I know it is basically a nice town, a nice school, nice people (except one), nice kids, nice friends, and nice dogs. Everyone is wholesome (except one) with no real faults. Katherine likes Gabe and vise versa, but for some reason (we aren't told) can't show it or allow it.
How many 'real" chapters has it been?
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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You know, reading the notes it suddenly occurred to me that at this point, I'm not sure what the novel is about. I know it is basically a nice town, a nice school, nice people (except one), nice kids, nice friends, and nice dogs. Everyone is wholesome (except one) with no real faults. Katherine likes Gabe and vise versa, but for some reason (we aren't told) can't show it or allow it.
How many 'real" chapters has it been?
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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All of this, I promise, will be revealed. Katherine likes Gabe but isn't ready for a relationship, yet. Gabe likes Katherine but fears he has not chance because he's a jock. Much more is about to be reveals. There's more not so nice people in this town.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Yuck. A little too beefcake for my tastes, but some girls go for that, I'm sure. *smile* I expect that's just for fun. It would be pretty hard for a guy to actually get a real life in and still have muscles like that. hahaha
Good stuff!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Barbara,
Yuck. A little too beefcake for my tastes, but some girls go for that, I'm sure. *smile* I expect that's just for fun. It would be pretty hard for a guy to actually get a real life in and still have muscles like that. hahaha
Good stuff!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Oh so true. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
I think dear old Katherine made a mistake by going into the men's locker roo, but that was a mistake, she dropped the list of girls for the cross country and simply ran, blushing arms and all. Beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
Typo : Why don't I ask (to) him (to)video. For? 2: It went surprising(ly) well.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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I think dear old Katherine made a mistake by going into the men's locker roo, but that was a mistake, she dropped the list of girls for the cross country and simply ran, blushing arms and all. Beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
Typo : Why don't I ask (to) him (to)video. For? 2: It went surprising(ly) well.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the catches. I have made the corrections.
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Most welcome
Comment from RetroStarfish
Love the banter between these two. You've managed to keep the tension between them strong as the story progresses - not an easy thing do do.
Great chapter.
One small thing:
"...see them. "Do you think your dad..." The quotes appear in the middle of a quote - although the first half appears to be Katherine talking to herself.
Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Love the banter between these two. You've managed to keep the tension between them strong as the story progresses - not an easy thing do do.
Great chapter.
One small thing:
"...see them. "Do you think your dad..." The quotes appear in the middle of a quote - although the first half appears to be Katherine talking to herself.
Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the catch. I had edited those sentences and forgot to delete the quotation marks.
Comment from Begin Again
ask to him video the game
Barbara - Couldn't have picked a better picture. Terrific! LOL A very smooth chapter to read and of course, enjoy. Nicely done. Smiles to you!
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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ask to him video the game
Barbara - Couldn't have picked a better picture. Terrific! LOL A very smooth chapter to read and of course, enjoy. Nicely done. Smiles to you!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
first thing I saw was the picture of Gabriel.
You with out doubt know out to keep us readers want to on, to see what is going to happen next. Which you are dong leave us readers waiting for your next chapter
Gert
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Hello Barb
first thing I saw was the picture of Gabriel.
You with out doubt know out to keep us readers want to on, to see what is going to happen next. Which you are dong leave us readers waiting for your next chapter
Gert
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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You are most welcome Barb
Gert
Comment from Judy Lawless
Hmm, this chapter has a lot more flirting going on! I can just see Katharine's face when Gabriel walked in from the shower. Good thing he had that towel! And I hope whoever's spying on them didn't catch it.ð???
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Hmm, this chapter has a lot more flirting going on! I can just see Katharine's face when Gabriel walked in from the shower. Good thing he had that towel! And I hope whoever's spying on them didn't catch it.ð???
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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I doubt the spy was in the locker room. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
