Heart Crafted Poems -2021
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "His Destiny"Musings of an old man -2021
27 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Nice work with your Atrina poem JLR and I like your choice of subject as he walks on in the morning mist, and finds himself on heaven's path. Lovely presentation, cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2021
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Nice work with your Atrina poem JLR and I like your choice of subject as he walks on in the morning mist, and finds himself on heaven's path. Lovely presentation, cheers,
valda
Comment Written 01-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2021
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Pearl. Thank you very much.
Comment from RGstar
Good of you to try this form JLR, it is very restrictive, so repeats at an increased pace. The joy, however , is the sound , the beauty of movement, how you want something to sound for that moment.
These are the sorts of poems that should be read out loud, as poetry was meant, and was practised, otherwise we would not have had that influx of French in the English language over the hard rounded words of German.
Good job.
Good to see.
Have a great day.
RG
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Good of you to try this form JLR, it is very restrictive, so repeats at an increased pace. The joy, however , is the sound , the beauty of movement, how you want something to sound for that moment.
These are the sorts of poems that should be read out loud, as poetry was meant, and was practised, otherwise we would not have had that influx of French in the English language over the hard rounded words of German.
Good job.
Good to see.
Have a great day.
RG
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Thank you RG you have such a strong claim on the voice with your poetry. It makes the experience of your words come alive. Thanks for reading and commenting on this poetic challenge.
Comment from Wendy G
I am discovering some new and interesting poetic forms on this sight, all delightful. Your poem is very well written, very smoothly conforming to the format you have chosen. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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I am discovering some new and interesting poetic forms on this sight, all delightful. Your poem is very well written, very smoothly conforming to the format you have chosen. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the good validation on this poetic style.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Oh my goodness, JLR!
What an interesting poetic format; I've never heard of it until now.
Your imagery is captivating. I was "hooked" the moment I read "marshland mist."
I applaud your following the requirements of this form = very complex to this writer!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Oh my goodness, JLR!
What an interesting poetic format; I've never heard of it until now.
Your imagery is captivating. I was "hooked" the moment I read "marshland mist."
I applaud your following the requirements of this form = very complex to this writer!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Hi Diane, thank you. At first my attempt on this was abysmal but as I stayed the course the refrains finally came together. Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Abby Wilson-hand
What an excellent way of writing a poem I just loved it
your idea was sharp minded and thought out I gave you my last six
I usually hoard them but I couldn't resist.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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What an excellent way of writing a poem I just loved it
your idea was sharp minded and thought out I gave you my last six
I usually hoard them but I couldn't resist.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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I am beyond grateful that you validated my poem with your precious six. 🙏
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always use them when they are deserved
Comment from Patty Palmer
This is a very interesting form of poetry. I've never really come across this kind. At first it was a bit confusing but after I read it a couple of times it started to sound normal. Thanks for sharing'
Patty
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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This is a very interesting form of poetry. I've never really come across this kind. At first it was a bit confusing but after I read it a couple of times it started to sound normal. Thanks for sharing'
Patty
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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Patty, thanks for spending time with it the style that Jan created is new to me also and at first ai felt resistance. But it does grow in its development of a narrative.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with this challenge. I enjoyed reading your poem. I really like the image and the message of your poem. The style is complex and many don't like the repeats. However, you repeats flow smoothly. Your syllable count is off on some lines, but this still reads well. thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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You did a good job with this challenge. I enjoyed reading your poem. I really like the image and the message of your poem. The style is complex and many don't like the repeats. However, you repeats flow smoothly. Your syllable count is off on some lines, but this still reads well. thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 20-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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humm I revisited this twice I am using a syllable counter and I am getting eight per line.... thanks I will check a third time.🙏
Comment from Janet Foor
A most interesting form and a new form to me. Excellent rhyme, internal rhyme and good use of alliteration throughput.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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A most interesting form and a new form to me. Excellent rhyme, internal rhyme and good use of alliteration throughput.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 20-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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Thank you Janet
Comment from Allieas
Beautiful poem -- I'd never heard of an Atrina poem before. Your imagery was strong and it was a satisfying poem to read, in that it flowed really well to me.
I particularly enjoyed this:
" Melodic harp strings heard strumming.
Toward heaven he gazed, humming.
He gazed toward heaven, humming.
Melodic harp strings heard strumming."
Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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Beautiful poem -- I'd never heard of an Atrina poem before. Your imagery was strong and it was a satisfying poem to read, in that it flowed really well to me.
I particularly enjoyed this:
" Melodic harp strings heard strumming.
Toward heaven he gazed, humming.
He gazed toward heaven, humming.
Melodic harp strings heard strumming."
Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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Thank you.
Comment from royowen
What an interesting form, it seems to be more about the second and third lines and that swap sequence, but certainly interesting, I invented a similar type type, but a little more complex, but you certainly did justice to thus Jim, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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What an interesting form, it seems to be more about the second and third lines and that swap sequence, but certainly interesting, I invented a similar type type, but a little more complex, but you certainly did justice to thus Jim, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 20-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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Please let me know the title of one of yours I would be quite interested. I willl on your portfolio for it, thanks Jim
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It?s too far back now ?poetic majesty? is one that I wrote. Written in tetrameter, with four different rhyme schemes, abab ccdd effe gggg and a separate stanza comprising the first line of the four stanzas, the trick is making those four lines make sense, it?s called a ?Rime Tesera.?
