haiku (craning over path)
5-7-5 Poem27 total reviews
Comment from harmony13
The first two lines of this poem flow and connect well. The last line
puts it all together. I like the artwork it compliments both the theme
and words of this poem. Have a good night!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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The first two lines of this poem flow and connect well. The last line
puts it all together. I like the artwork it compliments both the theme
and words of this poem. Have a good night!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you harmony13!
Comment from Blu Rider
The lack of a conjunction in the first line was a wee bit of a problem for me, (perhaps 'craned over the path' might have solved this).
I know there's an incentive to exclude unnecessary words (especially conjunctions and the like) in haiku, but then the Japanese don't have that problem in their language. (this is not a criticism as such, just an observation).
The umbrella analogy is a very fitting reference to Spring showers (in terms of additionally meeting the Contest requirements) .
Not sure about the photoshopping Chris - your photos are so very beautiful in their own right that I think I prefer them to the artificial abstractions you've created. -Blu
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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The lack of a conjunction in the first line was a wee bit of a problem for me, (perhaps 'craned over the path' might have solved this).
I know there's an incentive to exclude unnecessary words (especially conjunctions and the like) in haiku, but then the Japanese don't have that problem in their language. (this is not a criticism as such, just an observation).
The umbrella analogy is a very fitting reference to Spring showers (in terms of additionally meeting the Contest requirements) .
Not sure about the photoshopping Chris - your photos are so very beautiful in their own right that I think I prefer them to the artificial abstractions you've created. -Blu
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Ha! I went back and forth over the same line with the same alternative. I decided to go with the participle because it sounded like a Japanese speaking English. Then again, it sounds like a Japanese speaking English. Does that make it a more authentic haiku or less so? I still go back and forth. For whatever reason I couldn't warm to 'craned' on this one.
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Oops, my bad for revealing your name. How did I know? ::scratches head:: Yes, I see what you mean completely - a Japanese speaking English - lol - why didn't I think of that?
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
haiku (craning over path)
Hello anonymous
Great entry for the
Trees in Spring writing prompt contest. Your poem flows well. The structure makes sense. It draws on emotions. it presents strong images.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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haiku (craning over path)
Hello anonymous
Great entry for the
Trees in Spring writing prompt contest. Your poem flows well. The structure makes sense. It draws on emotions. it presents strong images.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you GBR!
Comment from royowen
I love the way we describe a tree covering as a canopy. In tropical rainforest one can feel a change in the coolness of that canopy, whether there is an actual temperature change I'm not sure, but it's moister, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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I love the way we describe a tree covering as a canopy. In tropical rainforest one can feel a change in the coolness of that canopy, whether there is an actual temperature change I'm not sure, but it's moister, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thanks Roy!
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Most welcome
Comment from lyenochka
You successfully met the criteria of the haiku with a seasonal reference to the spring rains, the flow of the first two lines and the satori feel in the last line of the maple tree as an umbrella. Hope you do well in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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You successfully met the criteria of the haiku with a seasonal reference to the spring rains, the flow of the first two lines and the satori feel in the last line of the maple tree as an umbrella. Hope you do well in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you Ivenochka!
Comment from equestrik
What an interesting tree painting! i really enjoyed your presentation with your writing to go with the picture. The leaves are certainly thick enough to shelter one from the rain.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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What an interesting tree painting! i really enjoyed your presentation with your writing to go with the picture. The leaves are certainly thick enough to shelter one from the rain.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you equestrik!
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made excellent use of your seventeen syllables in this lovely piece. It makes me think of trees of my childhood that kept me dry during a shower. Good metaphor
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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You have made excellent use of your seventeen syllables in this lovely piece. It makes me think of trees of my childhood that kept me dry during a shower. Good metaphor
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you Janice!
Comment from Boogienights
I love the imagery in this one, protection from the elements via another natural element....the lovely spreading maple leaves. Who hasn't sought shelter from a storm underneath a tree?...the kind without lightening of course. Best of luck in the contest. :)
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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I love the imagery in this one, protection from the elements via another natural element....the lovely spreading maple leaves. Who hasn't sought shelter from a storm underneath a tree?...the kind without lightening of course. Best of luck in the contest. :)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thanks Boogienights!
Comment from kahpot
This is very well written, along with the artwork the image is wonderful, your last line is excellent, very well presented, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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This is very well written, along with the artwork the image is wonderful, your last line is excellent, very well presented, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you!
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
'haiku (craning over path), is short succinct and delightfully descriptive. Woven through each short line are the golden threads of truth. It was a pleasure to both read and review this talented poet's work. Good luck with the contest! Please let me know how I got on?
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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'haiku (craning over path), is short succinct and delightfully descriptive. Woven through each short line are the golden threads of truth. It was a pleasure to both read and review this talented poet's work. Good luck with the contest! Please let me know how I got on?
Comment Written 16-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thanks
