Another Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Mother of Death"American Isekai
9 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This image of a dance is juxtapositional to the mood. Great work: "He and Parcell danced in tandem" What a suspenseful line: "Dear Lord," he cried out. "It's the torches! They're waiting for the torches to go out." Going to next chapter.
  |
This image of a dance is juxtapositional to the mood. Great work: "He and Parcell danced in tandem" What a suspenseful line: "Dear Lord," he cried out. "It's the torches! They're waiting for the torches to go out." Going to next chapter.
Comment Written 11-May-2021
Comment from judiverse
Paul shows his leadership abilities. The scrappers are an unknown quantity, and their behavior is well, scrappy. They apparently outnumber Paul's forces. They need to get to the mother. If they wait until the torches go out, the men will be out of luck. Great suspense at the end. The scrappers are just waiting for darkness to strike. judi
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
|
Paul shows his leadership abilities. The scrappers are an unknown quantity, and their behavior is well, scrappy. They apparently outnumber Paul's forces. They need to get to the mother. If they wait until the torches go out, the men will be out of luck. Great suspense at the end. The scrappers are just waiting for darkness to strike. judi
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
-
Thank you. Yes, I liked this part. Things are almost wrapping up.
-
You're welcome. They're up against an ugly bunch in those scrappers. judi
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
lancellot:
This chapter does nothing to assist me in getting over my fear of spiders. OMG. If I dream about spiders tonight, I will pm you and let you know. I hate when I walk into a spider web by accident - it gives me chills to even think about it. Waiting expectantly for the next chapter.
Rdfrdmom2
|
lancellot:
This chapter does nothing to assist me in getting over my fear of spiders. OMG. If I dream about spiders tonight, I will pm you and let you know. I hate when I walk into a spider web by accident - it gives me chills to even think about it. Waiting expectantly for the next chapter.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear lancellot, this is indeed a terrifying chapter mostly because we know what the spiders will do to each other, much less what a fine morsel, to feed the next generation, a human body would make.
please post your next chapter soon to let us know what solution Paul thinks of, to save his comrades, because I know the story does not end here.
|
Dear lancellot, this is indeed a terrifying chapter mostly because we know what the spiders will do to each other, much less what a fine morsel, to feed the next generation, a human body would make.
please post your next chapter soon to let us know what solution Paul thinks of, to save his comrades, because I know the story does not end here.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2021
Comment from dmt1967
This is a very well written story and it made my skin crawl. I put it down to your writing lol although, I hate spiders as well lol. I think picking spiders is a very clever thing as most people are scared of spiders. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
 |
This is a very well written story and it made my skin crawl. I put it down to your writing lol although, I hate spiders as well lol. I think picking spiders is a very clever thing as most people are scared of spiders. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2021
Comment from robyn corum
Lancellot,
You are just a barrel of joy aren't you? This is extremely nasty today with THIS presentation. I could see it clearly - though maybe as a grade D movie from the 70s, cause I didn't want to scare myself TOO much. *smile* It's really clever. I think you can do something with this one, too. Lots of great imagination and ingenuity here.
one note:
--> Paul (and) Parcell fought hard and helped when they could.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
|
Lancellot,
You are just a barrel of joy aren't you? This is extremely nasty today with THIS presentation. I could see it clearly - though maybe as a grade D movie from the 70s, cause I didn't want to scare myself TOO much. *smile* It's really clever. I think you can do something with this one, too. Lots of great imagination and ingenuity here.
one note:
--> Paul (and) Parcell fought hard and helped when they could.
Thanks!
Comment Written 15-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much
Comment from barbara.wilkey
The spiders being able to see in the dark is not at all good. I am extremely curious to see how Paul and the troops are going to get out of this one. I sure hope you have a good plan. I can't wait to read.
Paul are Parcell fought hard and helped when they could. (Paul and Parcell??)
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
|
The spiders being able to see in the dark is not at all good. I am extremely curious to see how Paul and the troops are going to get out of this one. I sure hope you have a good plan. I can't wait to read.
Paul are Parcell fought hard and helped when they could. (Paul and Parcell??)
Comment Written 15-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, you just described my worst fear, I am so scared of spiders: "High above the carnage in the upper shadows of the rocky cavern watched the mother spider. She knew full well why her children varied in size. Unknown to Paul was the fact that spiders were not that particular in what or who they ate, and that included each other. During the time of hatching, some of her stronger babies feasted on the weaker ones. The mother spider was not displeased by this; it was only natural. She occasionally snapped up a sick or deformed offspring."
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
|
Wow, you just described my worst fear, I am so scared of spiders: "High above the carnage in the upper shadows of the rocky cavern watched the mother spider. She knew full well why her children varied in size. Unknown to Paul was the fact that spiders were not that particular in what or who they ate, and that included each other. During the time of hatching, some of her stronger babies feasted on the weaker ones. The mother spider was not displeased by this; it was only natural. She occasionally snapped up a sick or deformed offspring."
Comment Written 15-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much
Comment from Jay Squires
This is written in your inimitable action-oriented style. The only problem was your carelessness in the first half of it. You simply didn't edit it. I pointed out the parts that gave me trouble:
the howl of life leaving a body graced his ears. [Consider a word other than "graced" here. Graced has more of a positive and beneficial connotation.]
Paul's hands are arms were coated in blood and foulness from disembodied scrappers. [I don't know what this sentence means.]
Paul are Parcell fought hard and helped when the could. [I don't understand this.]
and helped when the could. [Looks like you meant "they" here.]
they quickly added their steal to his, [...their STEEL ??]
If the editing wasn't so careless, Lance, I'd have given you a 6.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2021
 |
This is written in your inimitable action-oriented style. The only problem was your carelessness in the first half of it. You simply didn't edit it. I pointed out the parts that gave me trouble:
the howl of life leaving a body graced his ears. [Consider a word other than "graced" here. Graced has more of a positive and beneficial connotation.]
Paul's hands are arms were coated in blood and foulness from disembodied scrappers. [I don't know what this sentence means.]
Paul are Parcell fought hard and helped when the could. [I don't understand this.]
and helped when the could. [Looks like you meant "they" here.]
they quickly added their steal to his, [...their STEEL ??]
If the editing wasn't so careless, Lance, I'd have given you a 6.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2021
-
Ha, you are so right, Jay. I rushed this off the production line. I knew better.
