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Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "The Maelstrom"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
10 total reviews
Comment from padumachitta
hi
It's a heart breaking read, for me. I had many friends in my youth who lived on the Rez, and lived in just crap conditions. Good kids, who ended up as hopeless as the Gov wanted them to be, and it still upsets me.
And now native girls have been disappearing at an alarming rate for years and years and nothing gets doen. One white, upper class student goes msiing and the RCMP go into over time....Urgh, sorry for the rant...
But, your story touched something off in me..
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2021
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hi
It's a heart breaking read, for me. I had many friends in my youth who lived on the Rez, and lived in just crap conditions. Good kids, who ended up as hopeless as the Gov wanted them to be, and it still upsets me.
And now native girls have been disappearing at an alarming rate for years and years and nothing gets doen. One white, upper class student goes msiing and the RCMP go into over time....Urgh, sorry for the rant...
But, your story touched something off in me..
Comment Written 05-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. I got goose bumps reading your reaction. You would enjoy ( I use that term loosely) some of the earlier chapters when the girls are telling some of their stories of life on the Rez. There is no need for review. Check out Chapters 10-13. I became aware that for Cherokee, the moon is male but for others, female. So please make adjustments if need be. Thank you.
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hi
I wll go back and read. It is so heartbreaking and it makes me so upset when peole talk about the lazy natives. Jasus, many of our native people live without drinkable water, and few amenities. The church has tortured the kids and taken away a whole cultue with reidential schools and people in Gov offer apologies...
No, apologies are not enough. Somehow, we need to find a way to stp the racism and look at this as a huge problem. In Canada and the States native people if taken into police 'custody' are twice as likley to die or be abused than a black person. and yet, few people actually hit the headlines...dang dang dang...sorry...sorry for venting...
Let me cool down before I read your chapters...it will be hard for me...I have heard enough real life stories from the mouths of the woman and girls I knew...
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You can vent to me anytime...I feel the same.
Comment from RetroStarfish
This is another fascinating chapter in a story on such an important subject. You've done a great job describing the action of Tommy's escape from Poe's maelstrom and the women's interest in it.
A couple of small points:
...maybe I could prevent the decay of humanity and be a part in decreasing suicidal ideation.' [I wonder if 'suicidal ideation' is a term that a chef would use. It sounds like a formal term that only psychologists and doctors would use. ]
He smiled as he recounted his dream that these trapped individuals would have a motivation to better their lives and their brothers' lives. [Again, the word 'individuals' is a five-syllable word that means people. Very few people use big words in conversation like that.]
"...running down the road Linda and Liz had been escorted." [missing a word, here. Maybe road from where Linda and Liz had been...]
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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This is another fascinating chapter in a story on such an important subject. You've done a great job describing the action of Tommy's escape from Poe's maelstrom and the women's interest in it.
A couple of small points:
...maybe I could prevent the decay of humanity and be a part in decreasing suicidal ideation.' [I wonder if 'suicidal ideation' is a term that a chef would use. It sounds like a formal term that only psychologists and doctors would use. ]
He smiled as he recounted his dream that these trapped individuals would have a motivation to better their lives and their brothers' lives. [Again, the word 'individuals' is a five-syllable word that means people. Very few people use big words in conversation like that.]
"...running down the road Linda and Liz had been escorted." [missing a word, here. Maybe road from where Linda and Liz had been...]
Comment Written 04-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I appreciate your sharp eye also.
Comment from Leann DS
Another good chapter! I love how you are talking about addiction in here. Very important issue, as you know.
I found one typographical error, if I may:
"Flying Squirrel and I shouted over the din to comfort each other. We ...the direction the sound.
- Direction of the sound
Keep writing! Hugs.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Another good chapter! I love how you are talking about addiction in here. Very important issue, as you know.
I found one typographical error, if I may:
"Flying Squirrel and I shouted over the din to comfort each other. We ...the direction the sound.
- Direction of the sound
Keep writing! Hugs.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Thank you for your sharp-eyed review. I'm glad you are enjoying the episodes.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Liz your chapter in the book Traffic about the The Maelstrom
As I was reading I got more and more nerves of what was going to take place next. Makes me anxious to read your chapter.
Gert
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2021
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Liz your chapter in the book Traffic about the The Maelstrom
As I was reading I got more and more nerves of what was going to take place next. Makes me anxious to read your chapter.
Gert
Comment Written 01-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2021
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It came out okay. Everyone comes out okay in every chapter. I can't write things like some others do. I have if my favorite characters on tv have a hard time or get hurt.
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You are most welcome
Liz O'Neill
Gert
Comment from aryr
Interesting picture choice, Liz. It was great to learn that Tommy shared the story Poe's Maelstrom for the girls to better understand what he had went through. It was also great to learn about his hopes and dreams with his mentoring. Then they discussed addiction on the reservation, a horrible outcome especially on a reservation. All three have a better understanding now. Very well done Liz and very much enjoyed. Alie.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2021
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Interesting picture choice, Liz. It was great to learn that Tommy shared the story Poe's Maelstrom for the girls to better understand what he had went through. It was also great to learn about his hopes and dreams with his mentoring. Then they discussed addiction on the reservation, a horrible outcome especially on a reservation. All three have a better understanding now. Very well done Liz and very much enjoyed. Alie.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2021
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Alie Thank you for your appreciative review.
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You are most welcome Liz, very enjoyable thus far.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I love this chapter, and I have witnessed some of the things that you captured here: "Tommy admitted that he knew a lot of their youth were headed for trouble. "They get so bored on the reservation they just get together to drink and some make money dealing." He informed Liz and Linda the money pays for the dealer's own drug use. He explained how this created a vicious cycle. The spiral of their lives was out of balance. "The government that plunked us on Reservations back in the 1800's, has left us there to decompose"
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2021
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I love this chapter, and I have witnessed some of the things that you captured here: "Tommy admitted that he knew a lot of their youth were headed for trouble. "They get so bored on the reservation they just get together to drink and some make money dealing." He informed Liz and Linda the money pays for the dealer's own drug use. He explained how this created a vicious cycle. The spiral of their lives was out of balance. "The government that plunked us on Reservations back in the 1800's, has left us there to decompose"
Comment Written 01-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2021
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Thank you for your appreciative review.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh! What an adventure and recalling adventurs! I almost forgot about the car by now. Lol.
Great discussion about such a difficult issue that the whole country is plagued with - addiction destroying so many lives! I like the encouragement that the ladies are giving Tommy in being a mentor to teens.
Tiny nit:
lives with your plan to mentor. (close quote needed here)
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Oh! What an adventure and recalling adventurs! I almost forgot about the car by now. Lol.
Great discussion about such a difficult issue that the whole country is plagued with - addiction destroying so many lives! I like the encouragement that the ladies are giving Tommy in being a mentor to teens.
Tiny nit:
lives with your plan to mentor. (close quote needed here)
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. It's a wonder they haven't forgotten about the car.
Comment from Mabaker12
Hi sweet girl, another great chapter and I read every word as I like to copy your style, paragraph spacing, well everything really. You loaded the scary bit when the lamp blew out. Luv U Anne
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Hi sweet girl, another great chapter and I read every word as I like to copy your style, paragraph spacing, well everything really. You loaded the scary bit when the lamp blew out. Luv U Anne
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Thank you dear friend for you supportive review. I'm so glad you've come into my life. I enjoy you so much deep down in my heart.
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You are so welcome. You are a fabulous writer and your reference to Poe's Maelstrom I am trying to read it online but having a bit of a hassle, only able to get five paragraphs! I'll keep trying. Luv U Anne
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It takes a long time to get to the point. Look at me criticizing Poe...lol
http://www.pinkmonkey.com/dl/library1/desce_.pdf
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Ha Ha.
Comment from Mistydawn
I'm so glad that they are finally getting help. The poor girls have been through so much. Your chapter is well-written, interesting your first part, Tommy reliving his encounter is very suspenseful, had me on the edge of my seat. Hopefully, the mechanic can recharge the battery so they can go.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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I'm so glad that they are finally getting help. The poor girls have been through so much. Your chapter is well-written, interesting your first part, Tommy reliving his encounter is very suspenseful, had me on the edge of my seat. Hopefully, the mechanic can recharge the battery so they can go.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your supportive review. Yes, it is time they move on to calmer times. But that means this story will end soon. I will miss it. But then I begin working on my autobiography from 20+ years ago, that needs some major editing.
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You sound like me when my stories come to and end. It's why my my vigilantes seldom die, why I finish with a hook at the end. If I don't, I'll either edit the last chapter to death or have a case of writer's block.
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You make some good points. My whole story has been based on action. Now they're going to be in a car talking. I've got to really listen hard for what comes next.
Comment from k watson
Your basic ideas and theme are fine. You use many words and images that help the reader to picture what is going on. As much as possible, try to show the reader through your character's actions and dialogue what is happening rather than telling through words. Examples are things like where you tell about the youth on the reservation being bored and drinking, or thinking of suicide, or kicking kids out of the house...I don't know if you actually show these scenarios elsewhere in your book. Show through action and dialogue what the characters' dreams and motivations are or why they would turn to drugs.
The names and setting are interesting. Good luck with this.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Your basic ideas and theme are fine. You use many words and images that help the reader to picture what is going on. As much as possible, try to show the reader through your character's actions and dialogue what is happening rather than telling through words. Examples are things like where you tell about the youth on the reservation being bored and drinking, or thinking of suicide, or kicking kids out of the house...I don't know if you actually show these scenarios elsewhere in your book. Show through action and dialogue what the characters' dreams and motivations are or why they would turn to drugs.
The names and setting are interesting. Good luck with this.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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What you say is what I feel is the best way, but several said I have too much dialogue...damned if you do damned if you don't. If you read the previous chapter you will see Tommy is talking most of the chapter. Some had trouble with that, so I used this approach. Thank you for the confirmation.
