Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Football Chapter 12 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
24 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image and chapter
to go with it, Barbara.
-I wonder if that is an activity
you have used in your classes?
-It sounds like a great idea,
but having been retired for
quite a while, it also sounds
like a lot of work, and now Katherine
will be managing it for the whole school!
-The beginning was good, and the
rumbling from the dog serves as
a reminder there is something or
someone lurking somewhere.
-One small thing:
We have a facility meeting
[I didn't know if you meant faculty]
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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-A good image and chapter
to go with it, Barbara.
-I wonder if that is an activity
you have used in your classes?
-It sounds like a great idea,
but having been retired for
quite a while, it also sounds
like a lot of work, and now Katherine
will be managing it for the whole school!
-The beginning was good, and the
rumbling from the dog serves as
a reminder there is something or
someone lurking somewhere.
-One small thing:
We have a facility meeting
[I didn't know if you meant faculty]
Comment Written 01-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. I have made the correction.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Jay Squires
Looks like you have a hit in your hands with this novel. I was trying to figure out some intentionality in this chapter by putting myself in Katherine's head. I would think that the in again-out again favor with Gabriel would have taken another blow when he went out of his way insisting that he bring Jordan home after school, which meant that Katherine had to cancel her mother's plans to pick Jorden up. Then to have Gabriel casually tell Katherine that "something came up," while not explaining what it was, and he phoned her mother to pick up Jorden after all. If I were Katherine, I would have found that irritating. Which leads me to the intentionality thing: was the entire incident planned to add tension to their relationship? Or am I barking up the wrong tree.
Either way, this was an enjoyable chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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Looks like you have a hit in your hands with this novel. I was trying to figure out some intentionality in this chapter by putting myself in Katherine's head. I would think that the in again-out again favor with Gabriel would have taken another blow when he went out of his way insisting that he bring Jordan home after school, which meant that Katherine had to cancel her mother's plans to pick Jorden up. Then to have Gabriel casually tell Katherine that "something came up," while not explaining what it was, and he phoned her mother to pick up Jorden after all. If I were Katherine, I would have found that irritating. Which leads me to the intentionality thing: was the entire incident planned to add tension to their relationship? Or am I barking up the wrong tree.
Either way, this was an enjoyable chapter.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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Hmmm, Katherine will find out in tomorrow's post what happened. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
It all starts with a coffee and the rest becomes sweet romance:) coffee, help, shelter from the storm, a shield against the rumors. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.. This one was a little bit relaxing:)
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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It all starts with a coffee and the rest becomes sweet romance:) coffee, help, shelter from the storm, a shield against the rumors. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.. This one was a little bit relaxing:)
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Overall, dialog and interactions are credible. You skillfully convey the depeening of their relationship.
Sugg: Make end/beginning section break clear with more spaces and different fonts.
The first sentence is oddly-worded: Katherine stretched inside (?) and then walked out when Gabriel and Reggie came into view.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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Overall, dialog and interactions are credible. You skillfully convey the depeening of their relationship.
Sugg: Make end/beginning section break clear with more spaces and different fonts.
The first sentence is oddly-worded: Katherine stretched inside (?) and then walked out when Gabriel and Reggie came into view.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. I think I've already established that they jog together and stretch before.
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I figured that, but sugg: "did her set of stretches" to make clear to those who don't know the backstory.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Barbara:
Well, Reggie keeps hearing that noise and tries to alert the humans to it,
but I don't think everyone is paying attention (other than Gabriel). I love your math word idea. During the month prior to our state testing, our
math department has SOL questions of the day for Algebra 1, Algebra 2, and Geometry where kids can earn a grade to replace one of their low grades. In the past, they really bought into it.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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Barbara:
Well, Reggie keeps hearing that noise and tries to alert the humans to it,
but I don't think everyone is paying attention (other than Gabriel). I love your math word idea. During the month prior to our state testing, our
math department has SOL questions of the day for Algebra 1, Algebra 2, and Geometry where kids can earn a grade to replace one of their low grades. In the past, they really bought into it.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AJ McCall
HAha! Winks! Don't they tell everything. Cheeks pink with embarrassment... she shouldn't be like that! This is pre- true love lol. Gabriel's pushiness is changing her life. And man what is Reggie barking at? I want to know. I'll be back for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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HAha! Winks! Don't they tell everything. Cheeks pink with embarrassment... she shouldn't be like that! This is pre- true love lol. Gabriel's pushiness is changing her life. And man what is Reggie barking at? I want to know. I'll be back for the next chapter.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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You will find out what has Reggie so upset in the next post. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome!! Can't wait to find out!!!!!
Comment from judiverse
Gabe's acting mysterious in this, and so is Reggie, with all that barking. Something's going on that may concern Katherine. Her idea of a homework pass for the student who gets the word of the day correctly seems to have a lot of attention. I'm sure students will love the homework pass. What if several guess the word? If classes have already commenced, I think you'll need to show Katherine in action at some point. I'll be curious to see what's going on with Gabriel, too. Something's up. Great work. judi
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Gabe's acting mysterious in this, and so is Reggie, with all that barking. Something's going on that may concern Katherine. Her idea of a homework pass for the student who gets the word of the day correctly seems to have a lot of attention. I'm sure students will love the homework pass. What if several guess the word? If classes have already commenced, I think you'll need to show Katherine in action at some point. I'll be curious to see what's going on with Gabriel, too. Something's up. Great work. judi
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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School hasn't started, yet and the first person, by the time indicated will get the homework pass. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Your 900 words flowed quickly in this chapter. After the last one, though, I expected a little more moving forward between them. But you've set up another little mystery. That's good. I'll be back.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Your 900 words flowed quickly in this chapter. After the last one, though, I expected a little more moving forward between them. But you've set up another little mystery. That's good. I'll be back.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from nomi338
Things appear to be progressing at just the right speed. That is something that I love about this story. You are allowing the story to tell itself. No rushing from one incident to many or skipping things that should be naturally occurring. This is very good story telling.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Things appear to be progressing at just the right speed. That is something that I love about this story. You are allowing the story to tell itself. No rushing from one incident to many or skipping things that should be naturally occurring. This is very good story telling.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Thank you for the encouragement. I don't like to rush things.
Comment from Sankey
Another great chapter. As usual terrific reading. Still holding out on what the dogs are growling at! Just one tiny spag for you this time. [I](it) can be open to the school.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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Another great chapter. As usual terrific reading. Still holding out on what the dogs are growling at! Just one tiny spag for you this time. [I](it) can be open to the school.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
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I will make that correction. Thank you for the catch.
