The Cobra
personal memoir19 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Wow, I hate snakes, but your contest entry story is well-written. There is good flow and details, and descriptive word choices and great imagery. The ending is eerie--that very well could have been the mate of the snake that was killed. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
  |
Wow, I hate snakes, but your contest entry story is well-written. There is good flow and details, and descriptive word choices and great imagery. The ending is eerie--that very well could have been the mate of the snake that was killed. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much .I share your fear of snakes though as a community we are supposed to worship them!
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Sanku,
I so enjoyed reading your non-fiction piece. It flowed well, and it was filled with necessary and interesting desriptions. I especially appreciated your mention the "myth" about the mate's revenge; thus, your ending was, indeed, just the perfect cap to a well-executed offering!
Thank you for sharing!
P.S.
I am not fond of snakes ... at all! :)
diane
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
|
Hello Sanku,
I so enjoyed reading your non-fiction piece. It flowed well, and it was filled with necessary and interesting desriptions. I especially appreciated your mention the "myth" about the mate's revenge; thus, your ending was, indeed, just the perfect cap to a well-executed offering!
Thank you for sharing!
P.S.
I am not fond of snakes ... at all! :)
diane
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for such a beautiful review. I appreciate your mentioning about the myth and the end of the story.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm not afraid of snakes, but I've never lived where there are cobras. I might change my mind in a hurry after seeing that hood expand ready to strike. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fine story.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
|
I'm not afraid of snakes, but I've never lived where there are cobras. I might change my mind in a hurry after seeing that hood expand ready to strike. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fine story.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
-
I am dead scared of them though our religion has given them a holy image.Thank you very much for reviewing.
Comment from Wendy G
A very well-written story for the contest. Interesting and different. The situation was well described. It was sad and unfortunate that Muthu died of a snake bite! Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
|
A very well-written story for the contest. Interesting and different. The situation was well described. It was sad and unfortunate that Muthu died of a snake bite! Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Sanku, I enjoyed reading this story. I felt as if I was there in the suspense of the kill. Muthu's legend lives on. Thank you for sharing.
Just a few small edit bits, if I may.
Second paragraph -
Like most people(,) we had a healthy fear of these reptiles.
Third paragraph -
.(the suffix 'ettan' means elder brother)
full stop is before the ( when it should be at the end of ).
4th paragraph from end of story.
house.(to repel snakes and I am not sure if it is another myth)
remove full stop before ( and place at the end ).
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
|
Sanku, I enjoyed reading this story. I felt as if I was there in the suspense of the kill. Muthu's legend lives on. Thank you for sharing.
Just a few small edit bits, if I may.
Second paragraph -
Like most people(,) we had a healthy fear of these reptiles.
Third paragraph -
.(the suffix 'ettan' means elder brother)
full stop is before the ( when it should be at the end of ).
4th paragraph from end of story.
house.(to repel snakes and I am not sure if it is another myth)
remove full stop before ( and place at the end ).
Comment Written 01-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for taking the trouble and pointing the edits.I will make those edits
Comment from RetroStarfish
What a wonderful story! It is filled with delightful details including: 'the ubiquitous cotton towel which was present almost always on one of his shoulders, usually the left.'
You put me right there with you - not just on the verandah, but in the place and time of your childhood. Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
|
What a wonderful story! It is filled with delightful details including: 'the ubiquitous cotton towel which was present almost always on one of his shoulders, usually the left.'
You put me right there with you - not just on the verandah, but in the place and time of your childhood. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much. I am so happy that you enjoyed the story.
Comment from Aussie
Wow! This is a gripping tale and how brave was Muthu. I know the cobra in the baskets to entertain the tourists have their fangs removed. The way you wrote this was a vivid memory that brought the reader into the scenario. I would stick with 'slither' all the way through; some places you have 'crawled' which they don't. I am no stranger to killing snakes. We have the most venomous in the world. Thanks to my cats who brought juvenile red bellied blacks inside the house..I dispatched eight with a shovel! Always say sorry, don't like to kill anything. Well done friend K XX
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
 |
Wow! This is a gripping tale and how brave was Muthu. I know the cobra in the baskets to entertain the tourists have their fangs removed. The way you wrote this was a vivid memory that brought the reader into the scenario. I would stick with 'slither' all the way through; some places you have 'crawled' which they don't. I am no stranger to killing snakes. We have the most venomous in the world. Thanks to my cats who brought juvenile red bellied blacks inside the house..I dispatched eight with a shovel! Always say sorry, don't like to kill anything. Well done friend K XX
Comment Written 28-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2021
-
Thank you for suggesting the change of verb .you are right slither is the right verb. thanks a lot ..Thank you for the glorious six stars.
Comment from J Patience
I was seeing this scenario as it unfolded. It was easily understood, and fairly gripping. The importance of Muthu and his great personality was nicely built, and the stand-off between him and the snake was simple and satisfying. This is quite a memory, and I can't imagine the anxiety I'd have living in a place that had these creatures just gliding up to you at any moment! Good thing for people like Muthu. And well-done conveying your recollection.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
|
I was seeing this scenario as it unfolded. It was easily understood, and fairly gripping. The importance of Muthu and his great personality was nicely built, and the stand-off between him and the snake was simple and satisfying. This is quite a memory, and I can't imagine the anxiety I'd have living in a place that had these creatures just gliding up to you at any moment! Good thing for people like Muthu. And well-done conveying your recollection.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
-
My God .WE would suddenly see a snake slithering away at our footsteps.At times they managed to crawl inside too! But these days houses dont have large compound and the immediate surroundings are tiled
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping tale, masterfully narrated--stunning closer. Rife with rich description--Brilliant rendition of both contenders in the battle--Muthu and cobra.
fathers=>FATHER'S official quarters
Peanuts were immediately forgotten and [COMMA] standing up [COMMA] we peered into the semi darkness and saw a brown ribbon slowly moving towards us. It seemed it was [purposely=>pref. PURPOSEFULLY] crawling to keep a personal tryst with us.
He worked in a ''tea shop" that belonged to his brother [COMMA WHICH WAS] just a kilometre from our home. Why [was it=>IT WAS] called a ' tea shop', not a restaurant, I never understoodCOMMA] since breakfast, lunch and dinner were served there.
Muthu also had a special fame in that village. He was uniquely unafraid of snakes. And he loved [COMMA] or rather [COMMA] enjoyed killing them.
Though we belonged to a community of snake worshipers [OMIT:,but] this did not cause any heartache for Muthu.
Muthu came running from the kitchen leaving the gently simmering jack fruit pulp [COMMA] which was on its way to becoming jack fruit jam. He came wiping his hands in the ubiquitous cotton towel [COMMA] which was present
"No, Muthu, I think it is a harmless rattlesnake, let it go", My father [opined=>SAID].
Emboldened by Muthu's presence [COMMA] I came down the steps to stand behind my mother and tried to take a [peep=>PEEK] at the intruder. [It's=>ITS] body was yellowish [COMMA] with darker stripes [OMIT on its long body].
[V shaped=>V-SHAPED] spectacle mark. As we watched with bated breath [COMMA] Muthu gave one swift blow on the snake's hood.
So for many months we put crushed garlic all around our house[NO PERIOD](to repel snakes [and=>SEMICOLON] I am not sure if it is another myth)[PERIOD]
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
|
Gripping tale, masterfully narrated--stunning closer. Rife with rich description--Brilliant rendition of both contenders in the battle--Muthu and cobra.
fathers=>FATHER'S official quarters
Peanuts were immediately forgotten and [COMMA] standing up [COMMA] we peered into the semi darkness and saw a brown ribbon slowly moving towards us. It seemed it was [purposely=>pref. PURPOSEFULLY] crawling to keep a personal tryst with us.
He worked in a ''tea shop" that belonged to his brother [COMMA WHICH WAS] just a kilometre from our home. Why [was it=>IT WAS] called a ' tea shop', not a restaurant, I never understoodCOMMA] since breakfast, lunch and dinner were served there.
Muthu also had a special fame in that village. He was uniquely unafraid of snakes. And he loved [COMMA] or rather [COMMA] enjoyed killing them.
Though we belonged to a community of snake worshipers [OMIT:,but] this did not cause any heartache for Muthu.
Muthu came running from the kitchen leaving the gently simmering jack fruit pulp [COMMA] which was on its way to becoming jack fruit jam. He came wiping his hands in the ubiquitous cotton towel [COMMA] which was present
"No, Muthu, I think it is a harmless rattlesnake, let it go", My father [opined=>SAID].
Emboldened by Muthu's presence [COMMA] I came down the steps to stand behind my mother and tried to take a [peep=>PEEK] at the intruder. [It's=>ITS] body was yellowish [COMMA] with darker stripes [OMIT on its long body].
[V shaped=>V-SHAPED] spectacle mark. As we watched with bated breath [COMMA] Muthu gave one swift blow on the snake's hood.
So for many months we put crushed garlic all around our house[NO PERIOD](to repel snakes [and=>SEMICOLON] I am not sure if it is another myth)[PERIOD]
Comment Written 27-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
-
Thank you very much for taking this trouble to give such detailed review ."purposefully" is the right word. I am doing all the corrections as per your suggestions .Thank you very much.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
Very well told tale. Your descriptions of Muthu was perfect as well as the emotions of the moment.
Good luck in the contest.
Thank you for the read.
Regards,
Mary
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
|
Very well told tale. Your descriptions of Muthu was perfect as well as the emotions of the moment.
Good luck in the contest.
Thank you for the read.
Regards,
Mary
Comment Written 27-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much.
